LIFE FLOWS ON........

Flow of life does not stop. Many a times I have witnessed the flowing water standing on the bank of the Ganges at my favorite place SWARGASHRAM. I compared its similarity with that of flow of life. The ever flowing water does not stop till it meets the sea. So is life. And with this we go on ageing. That’s the first instance where we see the ever going changes all around. I have on my table two sets of photographs with dear Raman, one during our staying in hostel in 1962 and other during my first visit to US taken in New York in 1973. And here I am. What a drastic change in appearance. With severe physical transformation in spite, the mental status and thoughts count the most. We give undue emphasis on looking much younger than our years whereas maturing gracefully and accepting it sportingly is the right approach as suggested by dear Sangeet. Age is in mind. It’s the spirit that counts. One can be 60 plus, yet exuberant and young at heart. After a long silence, I am again here to pen down my memories of little recent past so as to close down one mission of submission about me and my insignificant life .Thereafter I must evaluate the purpose of writing and its necessity or usefulness before taking a decision on its fate. I need to have a clearly defined sense of purpose. It might have different purpose when this exercise began and subsequently it might not have any useful purpose. Its fate hangs on my evaluation of both situations. Well, that is to be considered later on. Flow of life brings change. And the only constant in this world is change. No one can escape change. What I have `dealt with so far is changing situation surrounding me and its impact on me and my attitude towards life. It has been more than a year that I discontinued writing. Obviously things have changed in between. And will keep on changing. I pass and will keep on passing and flowing through those changes. There is difference between knowing the path and walking over the path. Life is not easy. It is packed with challenges of facing the changes. I would therefore focus on some changes around in my concluding chapter. So far in my life, I have spent 16 years at home growing up and schooling, 3 years in hostel away from home for graduation, next 25 years managing family business and wealth and experimenting and exploring little diversification in business along with trying to provide proper caring to elders and bringing up children. Next 6 years focus on change of place and business and marriage of both my wards. And last 10 years spent in witnessing growth of business through Sandeep’s hard work. That summed up 60 years of my life. I was into details of my 2nd tour of US. ON 15th July 2004, I had received some unexpected sms from some unknown person while traveling in US. Soon we returned back home. Perhaps on 30th July, I received a sms from same Mamta enquiring about me. It made me a bit excited that I was still in her mind. I instantly replied that destiny suggested us to be in friendly contact without caring for any other aspect. Still she insisted to know where about of me. I could understand hesitation on her part and confusion prevailing in her mind. I was also eager to know about her and how come she sent those sms to me. So I made a call to her instead of sending sms. I was delighted to hear her indifferent voice on the other side. I suggested her to enjoy thrill of unidentified intimacy in between. But she wanted to make sure if I was a known person to her or her family. So she first let me know that she just completed interior designing from Pune and presently she was with her parents and grandparents in Satara near pune. I informed her of my belonging to Faridabad. I also informed her that one of my hosts in US was from Satara. That made her more confused. That day she was trying to contact her friend Sandeep bahety in Bangalore when she got my sms in reply instead. She had no clue how it happened. I suggested her not to penetrate more into each other’s where abouts and let destiny take care of it. She too agreed to build up our contacts through mails, sms etc. I invited her to come down to Faridabad conveniently as she had not visited north India earlier. Thus our contact began through inspiring and intimate messages and talk over phone at times. Soon I left for Purulia and gave her my new cell number. But we were out of touch for some days. Pratibha, Shobha’s younger sister came there to see us after our US trip. While sharing about our tour, we narrated her about Mamta episode. Guessing through her cell number she was almost sure that she must be Mamta Navandar, a very close friend of Shikha. Pratibha met her recently in Pune. Jokingly she informed that my unknown friend was attractive and nice girl, if her guess was correct. I instantly called Mamta to let her know what I knew about her and her closest friend Shikha. She could understand that somehow her family background was known to me. Though we continued with our contact, some kind of reservation and hasitation was there at her end. I got confirmation from Shikha about her with a request not to disclose my identity for sometime. But Mamta could make a link with Shikha ,Purulia and Faridabad. Meanwhile Bharat came from US and was to go to Pune and Satara. So I sent some chocolates for Mamta. I talked with her thereafter. She was a bit confused still. She hoped me to be Sandeep. But later knowing my identity, she was shocked. I became MASAJI instantly as I am Shikha’s Masaji. But she assured to be in friendly contact for good. We would share family talk thereafter about her project and further studies. Her family was in search of a suitable match for her. During such conversation she informed me of her willingness to go abroad. Thus a friendly and family relationship started blossoming. But this unexpected development happened because Shikha was closely related to me. Though it is still a mystery how come she did send first sms to me by default? Shikha was studying at Pune but I did not have any contact with her. We came in contact through internet about two years back. I did not remember meeting her earlier though she informed about her visit to Faridabad on our house warming celebration. I invited to visit us sometime. ‘Find a suitable match for me and I would be there’ she replied. She mailed her photograph for me to recognize. Gradually we developed some liking for each other perhaps because of our straight forward approach. Then Mamta episode became instrumental in bringing her closer. Shikha was doing graduation and fashion designing at Pune when we came in contact first. Besides, she had done one year’s diploma in graphology. She appeared to be very hard working and self made person with lot of self confidence. After graduation she adopted fashion designing as profession while doing post graduation. I had an opportunity to meet her at Nagpur before my US trip. She was considerably over weight and careless about her out fits, which we did not appreciate. Thereafter I used to remind her for this lacking in her personality. After about a year, we again met at Nagpur. We were in very regular and intimate contact during this period. We had good time at Nagpur with some friendly and frank interaction about each other. I invited her to join us to travel to Purulia from Nagpur and stay with us there for sometime. And against all odds, she came to Purulia with us without any prior program and preparation. We appreciated her action as great guesture and consideration. We were delighted to have her with us for ten days in Purulia. Our effort was to impress upon her to take care of her over weight problem on priority. She was provided with very simple food there and regular exercise and pranayam was a must for her. She lost some weight there and promised to be very regular in putting up those efforts. It reflected during her stay that she had some special regards for us. She appeared to be person of determination but at the same time very flexible to be adjusted to any circumstances. We on our part took full care to make her cheerful through out. We kept her engaged with some or other purposeful activities. She had lived long hostel life away from family and now we `wanted her to get settled in life socially and family wise too in disciplined way. She followed our instructions and suggested routine with full devotion and sincerity. She would get up quite early in morning with us, follow us to roof top for pigeon feeding and return back after regular exercise and pranayam. In evening we would go to places of interest around and sometimes to our friends and relatives. Her friends from Pune and particularly Mamta from Satara were constantly in touch with her. I accompanied her up to Calcutta to leave her at Sangeet’s place enroute to Amraoti and back to Pune. We interacted a lot during Purulia –Calcutta journey about ourselves and that made us very close. In between Mamta got engaged with a London based boy. She assured me to come down to Faridabad to invite me in person and I assured to attend her marriage if she invites in person. We are yet to meet. I may like to add to this chapter about future development in this some how typical relationship. I close now with two inspiring sms that I received from Mamta and shikha in course of this relationship….. Dost wo jo dostana jane, dost ka har raj chhupana jane, Muskilo me kam ana jane, aur umra bhar nibhana jane. Alone when I open my palms and look at cris crossing lines, I always think which one of the lines made me so lucky that I have got such wonderful PAL LIKE YOU. Since my last write up, I had been to PURULIA, my native place, twice. I try to go around the town during visit. . It has changed a lot in recent time. Old houses are being rebuilt and repaired, new colonies are coming up, many new markets and showrooms have come up, road condition got improved, and power position is satisfactory. The famous Saheb band lake got face lift, cleaned, paddle boating facility provided and pink lotus blossom all over. A few industries have also come up. Better medical facilities are available now, though for specialized and advance treatment, one has to go out side. Rail and road communication have improved a lot. Almost all mobile services are available and its growth is remarkable. Though some good schools have come up, facilities for higher education are almost none existing. I along with Raman happened to visit J K College at the beginning of the year where we both studied for a year in 1960/61. There has been some significant development in the campus. Post graduation in Mathematics is available there now. We visited our old class rooms too and were sentimentally moved with old memories. During last two visits, I had been through outskirts of Purulia and changes of growth is visible with new construction all over .But our own locality looks to be static. And our house adds to the miserable plight of the locality .It needs repair, coloring and face lift. 2006 was fixed up a target year to complete our transition to Faridabad .And it is almost done but all of a sudden I changed my idea of selling of our residential house for the time being, I want to keep Purulia link stand by for some more years till Sameep be in a position to take decision regarding it in consultation with Sandeep. We have lost intimate links with Janglu, Deshnok and Bikaner by not keeping any property there. Let us not repeat the same in Purulia case. I am still a member of Rotary club of Purulia. And during my two visits, I was delighted to see the extension of services through Rotary service centre and other activities. Our investment in the youth of community through Rotaract movement has started paying dividends. Yesterday’s Rotaract leaders have taken over Rotary leadership and hence the grand performance. But it’s unfortunate that the Rotaract Club of Purulia stopped functioning. Once it had given Rotaract leader like Sandeep and in 2004, I had witnessed their silver jubilee celebrations promising a very bright and dedicated future .But that was not to be. Another disappointment was to see withdrawal of some recently introduced social and charitable activities at our family Dhramsala, due to some misunderstanding and disinterest on the part of our family members in general. Hope things to improve soon. Nandu and Narain, my childhood mates died earlier .Babloo with whom I had developed intimate friendly contact through Rotary died recently. Kanhaiya and Jiwan, my cousins are also not in pink of health. But some of young generations are doing exceedingly good in studies. Sidharth and Pankaj are in USA. Gunjan got selected for BITS. Minoo is doing MBA. Harsh and Nikunj are expected to perform satisfactorily Madhur and Chhotu completed MBA. A very positive trend coming up in Mall family to make us feel satisfied. Though our transition to Faridabad is almost complete, our interest and attachment with Purulia will remain for many years to come. Swargashram is another place; I am linked to since many years. Its natural surrounding on the bank of holy Ganges and at the foot hills of Himalayas, has always been of great attraction .Besides, preaching of swamiji has given a distinct and positive direction to my thinking. In last July, swamiji took last breath. He was hundred plus .After his death, we visited Swargashram in October. The Ganges and surrounding tranquility was as usual, but vacuum created after swamiji’s death was unbearable. Geetabhawan looked so deserted that even Sameep was shocked .We spent a few minutes in front of his seat, from where he used to interact with the audience during regular satsang and prayer thrice every day for more than fifty years. Though frequency and duration of our visit is sure to come down, we would try to visit the place once in a year at least to rededicate ourselves to the direction inspired by him to follow. Sameep again went there for a few hours while going to Badrinath and Kedarnath with Sandeep and team .Since his return, he is insisting me to take him there during vacation as early as possible. Hope he will keep this link alive. Faridabad is now our home town, where recent history of our family is being written. Since our arrival, it has changed a lot. In last two years, it’s also getting face lift. Roads are being repaired and parks are being developed and maintained. A few malls have come up and many are under construction .Many new sectors are being developed. Industrial activities have gone up. We too have taken up expansion. More machines are being added to our machine shop and heat treatment plant is being installed .Some industrial and residential properties have been purchased. Home is being refurnished. Pooja room has been rebuilt and furnished nicely. Our house has been constructed within last nine years in segments. It might have many shortcomings with our old Purulian vision and attitude at the time of initial construction and hence the need of fresh dressing for more comfort and luxury. It provides Minoo an interesting engagement and self confidence of performing perhaps .But soon, we should pause to give some thinking as to where it leads to and at what cost. Consolidation of achievement and redefining of what we actually desire to achieve, is a must in between. With construction of house, Goura and family are almost well settled here. It’s most remarkable that they could come over here and get settled so nicely and within so short time. Champu and Dinu are here for study purpose since a few years. Last year they have put up a small engineering unit. So hopefully one of them is likely to settle here gradually. These developments add pleasure to living here…And happiness is the best facelift in life. Today is 11th September 2006.The world is mourning the terrorist attack on world trade towers in NewYork. All headlines in TV or Newspaper have highlighted it. It took me to my visit to the place. I had been to the site thrice. First visit was immediately after its construction in 1973. My second visit was in 2004, when I took a bus tour of all important places of interest in New York. I had never thought to be there again. In fact I had no reasons to think of another visit to USA. Meanwhile Sumant and Sangeet shifted to USA. Sangeet wanted us to be there once as we could not visit her during her last stay there. So we arrived there on 2nd of May, 2006. With not that comfortable journey last time, we preferred a day journey all along. We landed at New York around 11 pm via London .It was a very smooth and comfortable journey with good vegetarian food served in between. The excitement and happiness on the face of Sangeet there around will always inspire us to take up such journey any time. Soon we were at her cozy apartment. And before entering into the campus, I was delighted to see the skyline of New York from there. We felt very homely with Sangeet and Sumant around. Next morning, Sumant went to his work and we went for a walk to see the locality. We were enchanted with its location and beauty .It was green all over and tulips of various colors blossoming as the day advances. I had never seen so many varieties of tulips blossoming along walking track. It was my third visit to New York, but it never looked so beautiful. In fact it was my maiden view of New York from this side of Hudson. It became my routine to walk on the woodwork along Hudson in the morning and again late in night. Small boats and sometime big ship passed through on the Hudson having Manhattan in the background. I liked Sangeet’s cozy apartment and its situation so much that I wanted to spend whole of my stay there around enjoying its beauty. This visit was to enjoy Sangeet Sumant’s company and to see how comfortably they were settled there .And we were fully satisfied with their acquaintances, contacts, living and jobs. As we had seen and traveled through many parts of US in our last two visits, we intended to spend our stay very homely with them. But Raman wanted to take us to Las Vegas for showing Shobha its unique entertaining standing and Sangeet planned to take us to Boston where she had spent many years earlier. So we flew into Las Vegas with Raman and Bhabhi and stayed there for three good days. It has transformed into a new Las Vegas since I visited some three decay earlier. No doubt it has its own charm and attraction. Even without gambling, which we don’t do, it offers unique tourist attractions. We could see the replica of Venice, New York Middle East etc including their skyline, thunder and rains. We went to Wooller dam also. We saw some very popular show such as MAMA MIA. On the whole it was a different experience. We could have enjoyed it more if visited in younger age. Before going to Las Vegas, we traveled to Sayre for one night and also spent a few hours at Sidhanchal. Sangeet was delighted to have Raman and Bhabhi stayed for two nights at her place. On way to Sayre, we spent a few hours with Ramesh, my cousin. We were with him for three days during our last visit in 2004.He lives with his wife and two daughters. He has a huge and beautiful house. With both daughters shifting to hostel, he was thinking to shift to a smaller house .Earlier we went for dinner at Sujata’s residence. She was Sangeet’s class mate at Nistarini College, Purulia. During last trip, we did not go to her place as she had gone to India. Both Ramesh and Sujata are happily settled in US for good Sangeet had stayed for more than three years at Boston. She did her graduation there. And so she had valid reasons to take us there .Boston is a very popular city and we had not visited it earlier. Sumant hired a car and he drove us through Boston. We were privileged to enjoy home hospitality at Sangeet’s friend Sangeeta and Mavlika for one night each. We got family treatment and felt very homely there. It rained throughout and we drove through Boston enjoying rains. It was all together a different experience driving through the green .It was so thrilling for Sangeet and Sumant to reinvest into the sweet memories of their stay in Boston. We drove through the places where they used to reside and work. The excitement on Sangeet’s face is still refreshing when we visited the college from where she did her graduation. In spite of rain, we took Sangeet’s snap with college in background. With very little change in Sangeet, she looked like a student still. On way back we stayed for sometime in Rod Islands and visited some old villas owned by rich and famous people of those times. It was interesting to see those historical places .We had dinner with Shipra and family and returned back to Sangeet’s residence on Hudson in New York. We had few days left over. We did not have specific plans as it was third visit to New York. We did some shopping. .It was so convenient to shop in the near by Malls and stores .We visited the massive Macy store. It was worth a visit to believe its size and stock. We visited the famous Times Square to enjoy its splendid illumination in mid night .New York is a very vibrant city throughout day and night. My last day fixture was to have lunch with my cousin, Ramesh Mall’s family. We met many of Sangeet’s contacts. Two of my cousins, Mayank and Pankaj had earlier come to see us. We went to the famous World Trade Tower site once again where construction of four towers has begun. This was my third visit to the place. The first one in 1973 immediately after its construction, second one in 2004 after its fall and now when reconstruction work began. We also went up to the New York stock exchange though it was closed for Sunday. And that being the last day, we all four, went for a long walk along the Hudson bank till mid night reviewing our stay with them. Early next morning we were to leave. This visit had given us rare opportunity to be with Sangeet and Sumant for such a long time. Even Sangeet never stayed with us for such duration after marriage. It was a rewarding experience to be fully satisfied with. .Their’s is a small apartment but fully equipped with and location wise just superb. They live like friends taking care of each other nicely. Sumant is so caring to her, not only in house management .but in business too .He guided her to tie up with Anika, a dynamic lady. They are now partners and friends too. Their business is growing satisfactorily. .Almost five days in week they work together. And on week ends, Sumant is to take care of. On one raining day, Anika came all the way to see us and brought self cooked food for us .It was so refreshing to talk to her and reassuring about their taking care to each other. We are so satisfied with Sangeet’s acquaintances, living, routine, business, and taking care of in laws from there by taking half an hour daily sharing all. That’s why we are not worried on extension of their stay. Of course we wish them to come back soon considering family situation. We are proud of Sangeet for her standing and are thankful to Sumant for his unqualified support to her to stand with. 11/9 has other significance too. She joined our organization on this eventful day. And she became instrumental for these write ups. Some time last year after her re joining, during some interactions, I suggested her to find a match for her and get settled in life. She too thought that it was high time for that. I further suggested her to visit different matrimonial sites on internet for the purpose. I offered her to accompany, if needed along with Shobha to Times of India organized swambars for Bengali community. Within a few months, she informed about two proposals in consideration. One from US based boy and another from Bombay based. She was a bit more inclined towards former. I wanted her to go slow and collect all information very particularly about US proposal. Her relatives also preferred the Bombay proposal, which got through and ultimately she got married on 9th August.I along with Shobha and Sandeep attended the gracious ceremony. We are so satisfied to find the groom and family very matching. We wish her a very happy married life. Meanwhile, Mamta got married in November and Shikha got married in July. We are occasionally in contact. Both are reported to be very happily settled. It’s different kind of contacts with all three. I am yet to see Mamta. Our contact was through sms only. The other one worked with us for four years and some kind undefined intimate relationship did happen in between. Shikha is close relative, but we met on one or two occasions only .Our contacts was also through sms and on line chats. But one thing was common that their contact brought joy to life. It instilled enthusiasm that disregards success or failure. Joy emanates from our own actions, from what one feels deep down inside. I enjoyed the path while walking even if it did not reach the destination. Coming to the principal subject again that life flows on…….and with it come changes. Babuji is now 84. In 1999 he came here for good .He so kindly considered to leave Purulia to see that the family lives at one place. His associates and friends left behind. We seven constitute his company now. He used to come to our place of business at times. Every alternate day, he used to go to near by places by car to make up for absence of close company. Gradually he stopped coming to factory. He was not comfortable in Esteem so wagon R was bought considering height of its seat. But soon he had to discontinue as movement was not possible for health reason. Within last one year, things have changed a lot .Now he has to be confined within home. His legs don’t support the over weight body. To start with he took help of walker but now he has to move on wheel chair. This little movement is also hard to do. He needs support and assistance for bath etc. That made him reserved too. He talks very little now. His memory is also fading. His eye sights got weaken. Now he realizes the sufferings of being over weight But it’s too late .With practically nil movement, he is to gain more weight in spite of taking less food. He fell down five times during last few months. Fortunately it did not result into bone fracture. I take him to poojaroom on wheel chair and to the outer lobby in the evening. Otherwise he has to be on his bed except going to toilet for refreshing and bath. I could foresee that worst is yet to come. I had apprehension of this situation some thirty years back considering his over weight and food habits. I could not take proper action in time. I want to spend more time with him now, though he keeps silence. I try to take him to old days to discuss about his childhood. I want him to bring back his smile; I want him to share his thoughts about his life or his interest in life or about our ancestors and their activities. He is unable to penetrate through memories. After his bath, I comb his hairs everyday. And those are the most sentimental moments for me. This privilege will not last long, I apprehend. I have many thoughts coming in mind to ask him about. But I don’t dare to do that. I will not be able to check my sentiments before him. Even without being active, he has been the greatest support to me. That’s why my friends suggest me to be strong considering his health and my sentimental dependence on him. He is not in a position to put his signature. That compelled me to sell out the last property in his name in Purulia with his consent. His trust upon Almighty, provides the necessary strength to bear all this. He regularly reads one chapter of Geeta. I can feel his growing weakness everyday. But he does not make frequent disgusted complaint about it. Sometimes, he would say that his legs were very weak. We are in fact, not in a position to comfort him. Every one is bound to face the change causing by time. Bai has also become very weak these days. She is 77.In spite of general weakness and ageing, she maintains her routine and activities. She gets up at 3.30 in the morning. And till 9.30, she is engaged in yoga meditation, pooja and aarti. She takes intermediate rest to get recharged to keep her active. Occasionally she cooks various sweets. She prepares Aampapada during mango season to send to all near and dear. She goes to nearby temple everyday. She tries to go to the park for little walking. She frequently tries to go to Goura’s residence to meet the children. Her movement has been restricted because of Babuji’s health. For the first time, she could not visit Purulia during Guru Purnima . She plucks flowers from the garden and prepares garlands. She keeps some social touch with neighbors. She does vegetable and fruits purchasing for the family. She is `being missed the most at Purulia. As usual she prepared all the variety of sweets on the occasion of Krishna Janmastmi and she will do it again on annakoot. She is the key person in the family in spite of ageing and not so good health. She is always ready to go to park or temple or social gathering, if suitable company be there. She keeps contacts with relatives and friends through occasional phones. It’s the most pious time to be with her during Aarti. The whole family revolves around her. All feel cheerful to find her actively engaged. In recent years her appearance has changed a lot. All of a sudden ageing got reflected on her face but her grace remains intact. With Goura here, she finds a good `company besides Shobha trying to be supportive. With Babuji confined in home, she has to restrict her movement. She is still very creative, keeps herself engaged in innovations. She is symbol of traditional convention and caring. Shobha is 56 now. She recovered very nicely after operation and treatment. But she has been suffering with pain in joints since last two years. Her walking stamina has reduced. Pain persists all through. As side effect of medicine, she keeps on gaining weight, though she is `careful about diet .She does exercise regularly too. Still, ageing and a bit over weight with short height has its impact. She lost her father last year. That has negative impact sentimentally. She keeps on worrying about her mother. Our personal life got changed a lot after ailment. Perhaps that made me more caring towards her health. And except for some urgency such as her father’s demise, we remain and travel saath saath. One thing I am most happy about her is her followings and caring for Bai, her mother in law. She takes care of house hold work as usual with priority to assist mother particularly. Except family members she does not have any person of intimate contact here around, nor any kind of socialization as in Purulia. We go to see movie very selectively and that too three or four times in a year. We don’t go to restaurant of our own. But sometimes we do go in company with Sandeep and children. To break the monotonous routine, we try to have short trips: once in a year to Swargashram, once to Purulia and one pleasure trip to near by place. We went abroad twice in last two years and Kurukshetra last year. It was a long cherished desire to visit Kurukshetra, the place where Lord Krishna has taught the essence of life through Geeta. Bai was keen to go there, but she could not make it to be there as it was not proper to leave babuji alone over night here. Kurukshetra has history of more than 5000 years. So we expected to see many ruins or ancient monuments. On the contrary we found it to be a modern town where historical places have been recently renovated. The famous Brahmakund sarovar is very nicely maintained with bathing ghats all around. Lakhs of people take holy bath on solar eclipse day very comfortably. Kurukshetra festival was going on during our stay. Thousands of pilgrims thronged from near and far places for the festival. Never the less it was remarkably clean. Various cultural programs were organized on the occasion. The science museum, Sri Krishna museum depicting mahabharat era and Samadhi of late acting Prime Minister Guljarilal Nanda and Sekh Chilly’s Tomb are places of interest worth seeing. A few miles away there is the place where Krishna preached the holy Geeta. It’s being presented every evening lively through light and sound. Krishna being so close to every Indian, the feelings generated there, make us feel like party to the happenings some 5000 years ago. We were happy and satisfied to have Sameep with us but missed Divyansh .The green and spacious campus of Kurukshetra University is also worth visit. Considering Bai Babuji’s health, Shobha does not seem to be so interested in even short outings. Instead she prefers to go for evening walk or drive within the city for a change. Since two year, she tries to play on harmonium. Gradual improvisation is on card. More over it provides her a purpose and recreation. She tries to read out some inspiring write up out of some book to babuji, if he is interested in. We try to discuss our short comings sometime before retiring so as to get amended. She has stopped seeing TV serials .Of course she looks into news and sometime cricket. Recently, she tries to meditate. Now a day we discuss more frequently on improvising our own attitude and actions so as to make life more cheerful and purposeful. Her interest in shopping has considerably reduced. In fact, she was never fond of shopping. Her wardrobe has least stock. She would like to buy some little gift for all including servants and domestic helpers when ever we visit some place. I am confident and careful to make life more meaningful out of our relationship. At times she has to bear my harsh attitude. I had requested her in advance to be ready for such treatment .I would react to her only for any indifferent development in family. But soon the situation would cool down .The greatest of life’s pleasures are shared in between. We both understand and know that the time to trust is not just when all is calm. The most important time to trust is through the raging storm. She is not in pink of health. But she has the brevity to face the tough personal situation with smiles. She needs sharing of time with her siblings more now. But time has changed. Everyone has his own engagements as per priority. It’s to her credit that she has never been demanding on any account .And that has made her as well as others life comfortable. Now it’s our turn to make her relax and enjoy life. And for that, we all must keep in mind her health status while expecting her contribution .A smile on our face will do wonders, I understand. Smile is medicine for health and happiness. Sandeep is now forty. I often say that a person becomes naughty at forty. But Sandeep has little time to become naughty at forty. In fact he does not find spare time for his own hobby to develop. In last few years, he has grown up as a hard working and fully devoted business person. His business hour begins at 8 am and extends up to 8 in the evening. Of course he enjoys his business, he loves his expansion plan. But that debars him from many of supportive engagements. A day before, on 2nd October, inaugural poojan of his dream project has been performed. Though it will take another one month or so for the plant to be operational, it has added another feather to his successful career. I am confident and assured of more such laurels as rewards towards his sincere efforts. But I am unable to digest his single track life with no options for sports, music, socialization and time sharing with family and children. I advocate that there should be healthy balance between work, recreation and family. I understand that it is paramount for us to excel in our profession, but the question comes: at what cost? We should not forget that it is equally important that we invest proper time in things that we are passionate about. And I know his passions. He is keenly interested in music, sketching, playing tennis and table tennis, book readings and intimate family life. He has to be deprived of all these attachments. Once this expansion is over within a few months, he will have to amend his priorities. I have a mind to take care of it and enforce it .Simplicity is the best trait that we can have to achieve this. In addition, strengthening the core values and ethics will help a lot. Sandeep is, though very simple and straight forward, situation complexes due to some or other reasons at times. In fact, he has to carry on all responsibilities of his own. So he is over burdened. At times, things seem to be out of his control and mismanaged. That disturbs me and others but he never let his calmness go. He has been working very hard all these years. Though work is pleasure, he needs relaxation and recreation in between. And I have to take care of his routine. I have made him to learn synthesizer under a trainer since last two months. I remind him that all family members need to share time with him. Things would improve soon, I hope. Life is a mixed pair of opposites. High and low are interwoven. Money can buy pleasures, it can not buy happiness. Then happiness for the whole family originates from him. Now he is the key person, not only at the business but at home front also. This is the key consideration, he must keep in mind. He must take care of his health and mood and recreation in addition to be more caring to bai, babuji, Shobha and children. He should be careful to carry on and pass on the legacy of heritance with modernization. It has been around four years that I am involved in these write ups. On 28th of this month, I will be 61. Time is matured for me to complete this exercise. But it is a continuous process and can not be completed. So let it be an intermission cum end if I don’t write further. I feel that the more I write, my expression gets refined and distinct and language more refined and defined. At the same time, more I write the less I like the purpose of writing; and a fear comes up on me that these may not interest anyone and may even become a burden to preserve. Why then, I continued writing for so long? It’s a question to me which will remain unanswered .My kin and close one know about this venture. At times they enquire about its completion and the opportunity to go through it. I have no positive reply to it. But it is the joy of sharing with you all while I write that made me to continue with it. We are always inspired and interested to look outside around and inside into our self. Know thyself, is a challenging statement. And it has been achieved to some extent through this exercise. It has made me to look into the gallery of my life and heart and mind. It refreshes the pictures of persons, places and events that colored my views and feelings. I might have made mistakes while writing, many unimportant facts and happenings might have been highlighted in it. In fact it had never been a challenging life, neither any laudable achievement attached. Still, I could pen down so many pages reflecting many colors of a very ordinary life. I am not that young any more. In last four years since I started writing, I have come to a state of ageing fast. I have very little hairs left over on my scalp. Wrinkles have appeared on my face. And of late in last few months, I feel physical problems staging up; some of them of serious nature. When I need to be physically healthy to support my ailing parents, I myself feel to be let down. Though my food habits and daily routine are, I think, very balanced. As a baby, I had arrived with my shrill cries and as a man I shall depart from this world with unbroken silence. My book of life covering the period so far has been stable. It does not have many low or high, fulfillment or disappointment, triumph or tragedy, good health or sickness. It has been a great experiment and experience of living four generations together. For the intimate bonding in between, there remain considerations for each other that make life merry and smooth. Sometimes we become uncultured when we don’t be considerate to others but it lasts for a while only. So far all efforts have been directed to fulfill desires. Sometimes it got success and sometimes remained short off. Time has come for me to put all efforts to eliminate all desires instead. It is not an easy task, but an honest attempt should be taken towards it. I began with ‘TO REKINDLE THE SPARK WITHIN’, and has come to the end with ‘LIFE FLOWS ON ‘…but I am yet to rekindle the true spark within. It reminds me of two ancient stories. An ordinary person was rewarded to become king for one day. He very intelligently utilized one day’s power. He released coins in his name. He pronounced many welfare schemes. He utilized the day in such a way that his name got engraved permanently in the history. The second story refers to Parikshit, the last king in Yudhisthir’s dynasty. He could know that he would die within seven days. He utilized it so spiritually that he became fearless of death by the end of that week and was ready to welcome death gleefully. I don’t have the privilege to know how long I am to live, but it is sure to be less than what I expect. Still after more than sixty years of living, I don’t know how to utilize it in proper way. Last week, courtesy Sameep’s inspiration, I was in SWARGASHRAM for six days. On solitary moments and on the bank of Ganga, my thoughts pondered on those thoughts. I am still clueless. How best the remaining uncertain days of life be utilized to attain what aught to be attained. Perhaps my vision about what aught to be attained is still unclear but gradually coming up to surface. In last two years, I have read a few inspiring books. Some provided strong support during low moods, some focused on how to lead simply straight forward life, some on how and why India is coming up so strong economically with many adversaries around. It simply leads to awareness, awareness about my self. I need to know myself more. That will provide the foundation for me to best utilize the remaining life. In this context, it has been a rewarding experience. This document about me provides material condensed at one place. I could know more about me, my failure and achievement. I assess me as a person, who could not serve his country, community and family as he wanted to. I could not transfer what ever skills I have, to drive the best out of me. I may be disappointed at some point, but not disgusted. I might be harsh to some at some point under the influence of my idealism, but the harsh treatment was out of love only and not out of hatred or disrespect. Still, I seek pardon, if it hurts someone. And I am grateful to all concerned who inspired and influenced my life and subsequently helped creating this sum up of my life so far. To be specific, I am indebted to some of my teachers, my childhood friends, young mates, extended mates, my parents, my spouse and wards, which directly or indirectly made it possible to shape up my life and this work.

MY 2nd US VISIT

Today is 12 th April 2005. One full year has gone by. I have not tried to write any more. My source of inspiration dried up due to some unfortunate happenings. While returning back from Swargashram last year I had never imagined for such turn over of situation. I had great time there and could complete write up about my connection with Swargashram. Sandeep went abroad as per program on my return. During his absence some misunderstanding developed and my source of inspiration to take up this unusual task of writing on self disappeared. She left LNM under some unfortunate circumstances on 12th April 2004 after Sandeep’s return from abroad. Though the way she left, was heart breaking, but we were happy on one aspect that she had bright prospect in the new job. Thus I lost contact with her. I also lost zeal to peep into my past. Last month I was in Purulia and I remembered her a lot on her birthday. It is on 28th March. I would often tell her that we had common date of birth that is 28th though month and years make a great difference. I did not try to phone her. I wished all the best to her by myself and shared my feelings with Shobha only. I had an intuition that some day some situation would develop when I am to see her again and ask all about………..chhoti si ye dunia pahchane raste hain, tum kahin to miloge kabhi to miloge to puchhenge haal……and Sandeep phoned me to remind about her birthday. He could contact her over phone to wish and also offered her to rejoin. She seemed to response positively. She had suffered a lot in between. She could not find the new job and surroundings up to mark and her liking. Let us see what destiny is and how come her welcome return to LNM. It is the space between the notes that make music. Without that space of silence in between, there can not be complete music. Let me wait to listen to that music after this unbearable silence. Life has moved forward a bit within this year. With this silver lining in anticipation, let me start afresh though she had an assurance from me not to be included further in these write ups in any way. To pick up the string again from where I left and that too without her participation, will need great concentration and effort. But perhaps a sincere try has to be made for generation next to share good and bad of my life. Time and tide wait for none. True protection and insurance of happiness is to find refuge at lord’s feet and His plan for us. That is the course I tried to adopt to stabilize myself out of turmoil. I could not take Shobha with me during my first US visit in 1973. I had promised to take her abroad subsequently but could not do so for long thirty years. She was refused visa when I sincerely tried for it after her illness in 2001. But in May 2004, we found an opportunity to get visa. Though we were not in pink of health but a determination developed to accomplish long cherished desire to take Shobha abroad. While planning for the tour, promise made to Sangeeta to visit her was also in my mind. I also planned to have three days break in London considering long journey to US directly. I had hard time to inform all about this development to babuji considering his state of worries during my last tour. This time he seemed to be a bit comfortable with Sandeep and Minoo around. Of course he was concerned with Shobha’s not that fit health condition, he was considerate because it was for her that I intended to venture into. He was little concerned for my health also but was at ease with Shobha around to take care of. My story of success can never be written without my parent’s unqualified support. Very little is indeed necessary for living a happy life but great supportive parents like them is a boon. So after thirtyone years exactly on the same day of 9th July, we were ready to take off. To me the excitement was a bit less than on last occasion. But to take up the tour with Shobha to show her a different world altogether was significant. Shobha had collected a few little gifts for our hosts at different places. Our itinerary was such to enjoy home hospitality every where except one night at Niyagra. Though it was a pleasure trip, the whole family was there at the airport to see us off. It was heartening to depart from family and own country. We took off at scheduled time and our journey to London was of eight hours duration. It was not a comfortable journey to me. I was restless and felt extreme suffocation when all were in deep sleep. I kept on roaming around with lots of water and juice intake throughout the night. Shobha did not face any such situation and was comfortable fortunately. We arrived at London in early hours of same day. We were delighted to see Manoj, our host at London when we got out after completeting all formalities. Hethrow airport was the first impression to Shobha about the things to come up to her. It was huge but so well managed that even newcomer would not face any difficulty of transit within it. We got cleared through immigration etc very fast. Manoj drove us to his flat where his wife Raksha was so eager to receive her masi and masaji. A few years back once she gave us good company at Udaipur. She was unmarried then and now was blessed with two lovly sons. We got ready very fast to explore London. Though I had sleepless night, I did not allow jetlag to over come me. Raksha drove us to the nearest metro station and provided us with necessary informations and guide map. It was a bit adventurous to explore London through metro and public transport by our own. Drive from airport to Raksha’s flat and then to metro station itself indicates that London is combination of historical transformation with modernization.Roads were not as wide and straight as those in US but in very good condition and with updated system. It was neat and clean everywhere followed with total discipline. London metro system is worth visit and exploration. It is altogether a different world underground. We found more people in metro than on roads. Though helpline and assistance is available at stations, the system itself is so perfect and transparent so as to make it most enjoying and convenient to travel. People are very friendly and cordial, always ready to help. Youngsters would vacate the seats for us with welcome smiles. Our first day’s itinerary began with visit to famous Madam Tussad’s Wax museum. We had to be in queue for quite some time to enter into it due to summer tourist season. We enjoyed lively wax statue of legendaries but got tired too. While in queue we saw couples in such romantic postures that could be catagorised as obscene till a few years back but now it can be witnessed in public parks in India too. There after we moved to the bank of very famous river The Thames. It appeared to be familiar though it was our maiden visit. Because this picturesque site has been filmed and shown many times in various films. We took motor boat ride over the Thames and crossed under all popular bridges built over it. We climbed over the recently built London Eye to see the city from the top. The wide spectrum of London, its famous churches, museums, other monuments, bridges, parliament, curving Thames, spread over green parks and children in colorful dresses playing around could be seen from there while moving up and down in very slow speed. We walked a lot along the Thames to enjoy our first day in London before returning back through metro. London weather was very typical. It was cold but sunny. We had intermediate drizzle in between. We were in jackets but without umbrella. Hence we had to take shelter at times for sudden drizzle. We found comuters mostly having umbrella with them. The sun sets around 10 pm but we returned back for retiring by 7 pm. We were supposed to explore near by locality and market in evening after Manoj’s return from office. But soon I was into deep sleep and could not be awakened even for dinner. It made me freshened by next morning. My first day’s experience let me understand the importance of metro, popularly known as TUBE for London’s busy life. It is one of the best in the world and perhaps one of the oldest too. We have seen some of the stations built around hundred years ago.At places there were three or four levels of lines moving towards different zones. But comuting through it is enjoyable, comfortable, fast and pleasant experience by itself. People are disciplined by habit itself. No one overtakes or breaches his turn while boarding or coming out of it. It is very neat and clean every where in spite of heavy rush of comuters daily. ………Let me deal with current affairs for a while. Today is 18th April 2005 and Ramnavmi, a very auspicious day for us. Before I continue to write about my 2nd tour abroad taken about a year back, let me have a pause to focus on some positive developments of the day. She rejoined LNM today. She was to join us on 16th as informed to Sandeep. But she postponed it as per my suggestion. I am delighted that she is again amongst us though with some difference.She almost took a word from me that she would not be actively associated with my write ups any more as that had led to the unfortunate situation earlier. It was with her consent that she was involved in this exercise and I am sure to comply with her request in future too. The over reaction and shocking departure and now surprising home coming will be a unique experience of life. Love of any kind is like magic and it always will be, for it still remains life’s sweet mystry. It works in ways that are wondrous and strange and there is nothing in life that it can’t change. It is unselfish understanding and kind for it sees through heart and not through mind……… She was not comfortable to start afresh with us, as she reported to me on the first evening. Perhaps without specific assignment, she might have felt like that. I am happy that she shared her state of mind with me. I advised her to go along with us till she gets married in spite of odd if any, which she assured to comply with. She did not find such homely situation in any of her job that she did during last one year. Gradually she was at home in. She became as friendly as ever rather a bit more. She had opened up a bit by working in call centre for some time perhaps. I suggested her to begin second innings here as she did when she joined us as fresher. My contact with her again began with jaisrikrishna during lunch time.Continuty is the point of human life, passing along and passing along life day after day and so on. In fact it all goes on happening without our efforts. More truly, happenings are not within our control. We unwillingly or unnecessarily keep on getting involved. Getting involved is still ok if we don’t get ourself identified with it. It is difficult though. Accepting everything that comes in life as it comes in, is some what desirelessness, if we don’t identify with it and its consequences. Time can only answer what is stored for me. God is with them who persevere and I must not give it up. But there remain a desire to discuss a lot with her suitably and conveniently. …………..Coming to our second day’s stay at London again, which began with visit to Burmigham Palace, the residence of the queen and royal family. Change of guards at the gate of palace is of great tourist attraction. We arrived there in time, but thousands of tourists had gathered there since very morning taking right position to witness and photograph the event. There was hardly any suitable space to adjust into to be in right position to have clear view of the event. It was, no doubt a very colorful site to look at. We too had some photographs. Thereafter we took city ride on open roof bus. It was worth venturing to see London within specific time and as per your own interest. Tickets were valid for unlimited rides during a day.Anyone can get down at any stoppage and again join from anywhere. We enjoyed it plying through busy streets of London crossing over all historical places, bridges over the Thames, various museums,theatres, London tower, London eye, Westminister’s bridge,Ebbey Traffle square etc. We were advised to take one full round and then to get down at different places as per our interest. Tickets were supposed to be issued on board. We were about to complete the initial round when asked for transfer to another bus. We got down but did not enboard the second bus. We had decided about our places of interest for revisit hence discontinued travel by bus. We had metro tour ticket so rest we covered through metro and thus saved forty ponds by default. We walked down up to the famous traffle square. It was very charming to see people of all age and culture gathered there to enjoy the sunny Saturday noon amongst several fountains and hundreds of pigeons roaming around freely. A few bands were playing at different places and youngsters dancing to the tune. We spent a good amount of time there feeding the birds and playing with them. It reminded me of birds feeding at my home roof at Purulia. But there were no grains available and there were no white pegions around.I fed them with bread. I could catch hold one of birds for some time. Children around were amazed to see the bird in my hand. It was also a wonderful experience to catch hold a bird at traffle square, London. I had to release it soon when people surrounded us with amazement in their eyes. I became apprehensive of some untoward reaction. We went to some museums. We were interested to see the famous Kohinoor diamond but looking into the long que at the entrance of the museum, we did not try. I had heard a lot about hidepark, so tarvelled a lot to it. It was not that crowded and was without any such activities it is famous for. Perhaps it was not the proper time to visit it. We roamed around the lake within the park spending some time amongst the swimming birds and returned back. Yesterday we had traveled under all famous bridges on Thames. Today we traveled on through the bridges by bus. One of the bridges is hanging bridge which gets separated in to two parts when ever some big ship crosses under it. We arrived there just on time to witness this interesting operation. Before returning back, we walked a lot to London Bridge to eat some dosa type thing prepared by two young girls on the pavement. We also walked up to the BIG BEN, the famous clock tower. We were so tired with our day long exploration that we had to avoid shopping at Oxford Street. Next we were interested to visit British country side. Our third day of stay in London was Sunday. During last two days, we enjoyed exploring London by ourselves. Today being holiday, Manoj, Raksha and their kids joined us. Manoj drove us to the country side, a place called Brighton. It was about 80 miles pleasant drive from London. It enabled us to look into the beauty of country side of UK through driving on free ways.Brighton is situated on sea shore and the township is on hilly slopes. That makes it very beautiful. It is a popular tourist place. Being Sunday, thousands of tourists were there to enjoy the sunny and cool week end. It had a hard beach all through and lots of fun rides, shopping centre and eateries around to attract tourists from all over Britain. We spent and enjoyed full day there and returned back by evening. Next day we were to leave for US. Early in the morning, before leaving for Gatwick airport Manoj took us to the recently built Akshaydham temple. Though it is not as huge as Akshaydham temple at Ahmedabad but its stone and wooden carving is worth seeing. Thus our three days homely stay with Manoj and Raksha came to end. Manoj saw us off at the airport. Their hospitality made us feel like home away from home. Raksha and Manoj met with eachother while in college at Pune and later got married. Manoj’s family business is at Calcutta but he had inclination to settle abroad. Presently he was working with Price Water House at London. They were in UK since a few years and now intended to get back home. Raksha was house wife looking after her two kids and home. Though life was smooth on many respect, a sense of insecurity and loneliness put them to consider returning back but ambitious career would debar them to act to this effect, I understand. It was Shobha’s first experience of a place abroad. We enjoyed our decision to visit London as stop over en route to US. It is the great city from where the British once ruled the world over. So it has a great history and its influence can be found all over. We could see many buildings, villas etc built some 400 to 500 hundred years ago. Such old buildings are having specific color combination in exterior for distinct recognition as heritage buildings. People too are in habit of maintaining some protocol in day to day life. That makes it a great attraction for tourists from all over the world and of all interests. It represents combination of great history and modernization. Now our US tour commences. We flew into Philadelphia from London crossing over the Atlantic Ocean. It was almost seven hours flight over the ocean. It was all day flight so we did not feel any discomfort.Looking into the ocean and islands scattered in it, when ever the plane was at low height, we arrived at Philadelphia in noon. USA is different with modernization all around and of less ancient historical importance. From the lobby of airport itself we could see thousands of vehicles plying on the freeways. Hundreds of aircrafts of all sizes were standing ready to fly to different destinations. It was a huge airport by all means. We were to take another flight to SAYRE, our destination. After getting clearance from immigration and customs etc, we moved towards another terminal. It was huge passage in between. On the way, we were approached by some one with little transit cart. To our amazement, he began in Hindi……Hame lagta hai apko hamari sahayata ki jarurat hai…Apt thake hue lagte ho, Kya aap meri cart me apne terminal tak jana pasand karenge….. We availed his help gratefully. We were really very tired. On way he informed that he belonged to Rawalpindi in Pakistan and now settled in US. He enquired friendly about our belonging and destination and purpose of visit. It’s the politics and politician who rooted hatred amongst us otherwise we were one, he told. His gesture was very supportive to us. He guided us on to the terminal very comfortably by his cart and wished all the best for our onward journey and stay in US. Soon we were into a very small aircraft. It took us to Sayre, our destination and a small town in Pennsilvania State. We were served with coke and cookies only on the way. The sun was about to set in when we landed. Raman was there to cheer us up. He was delighted to receive Shobha in particular. Because in October 2000, it was on his suggestion that we postponed our coming there because of early onset of winter season. There after Shobha was declared malignant in June 2001. So to have her amongst them after treatment and recovery was a great matter of delightment. We had to wait for our luggage which did not arrive with us. We drove back home with hopes for luggage to arrive by next flights. Raman was in Cleveland during my first visit. But now he was here in SAYRE since many years. It is a small but very beautiful town. Jijaji, didi and Sandeep had visited him here earlier but for both of us it was our maiden visit to the place. We could see a bit of its natural beautiful surroundings on the way. It was like a tiny hill station. Raman had very recently built a huge house there on a hill. Though they had moved into it, final furnishing was still under process. It took few years to construct and furnish it with personal interest and choice. Soon we were there and expression of unexpected happiness on Bhabhi’s face was there to welcome us. She was so delighted that we could make it to be there after 31 years wait. We had endless talk to share that evening to renew our long relation through generations. So in spite of day long flight from London, we went to bed very late at night. Our luggage had arrived after mid night and we had to collect it in morning from the airport. Our next day’s itinerary was to visit Raman’s plant and office. Duane, plant manager, escorted us through all departments explaining all about its functioning. We met Sai there whose grandparents belonged to Purulia. His parents now live in Visagapatnam. His father Sushil was member of Rotary club of Purulia for some time when I was very actively associated with it. At the backyard of plant, there was a tiny airport and a few small aircrafts were standing there at the footsteps of the hill. We went to a restaurant for lunch along with Duane, Raman and Sai. In the evening we drove to Cornel university campus some 50 miles away. Ritu, Raman’s daughter did her graduation from here. It is not only one of the best universities in US, its natural surroundings amongst hills with a beautiful lake in the back ground was just enchanting. We enjoyed dinner at an Indian restaurant catering mostly to Indian students and visitors there around. We retired to bed room a bit early this night. But we did not sleep that early. We spent good amount of time looking into the beautiful surroundings in the moonlight through the window. When ever we find ourselves in such remote and unexpected place of abundance beauty, we get lossed. For some moments it appears to be path to awakening and self realization. We often ask eachother in such situation “HUM KAHAN AGAYEN HAIN? It’s a point to discover own calling and purpose of life far away from routine. Many times I ask myself whether it is’ MAKING TO HAPPEN or LETTING TO HAPPEN. We would enjoy few cups of tea every morning sitting in the backyard of Raman’s house, which was yet to be furnished with water body and plantation. Next morning after breakfast we visited a prominent hospital of the locality where many Indian doctors work. Its being a small town having population around 10000, we could roam around the main streets within an hour or so. After lunch we were to drive to Sidhanchal, a Jain pilgrim centre being developed by late Sri Sushil Muniji and Raman was present president of the trust to manage its activities. We were shocked to learn that only Raman was to accompany us to Sidhanchal and he had planned us to take to Niyagra falls from there. Our stay at Sayre was cut short because of our unscheduled stay in London. We got a bit disappointed with our so short stay with Bhabhi at Sayre. But we left for Sidhanchal. It was about three and half hour’s drive through very scenic valley. Though I had traveled across east and west coast of US in my last trip, but this drive was through one of the best natural surroundings. We missed company of bhabhi a lot though Raman was taking care of all our need and comfort. Raman took us through a very large Shopping centre and Mall on way but we were somehow not inclined for any shopping. We bought a jacket for Divyansh. That was our first purchase so far during the tour. We arrived at Sidhanchal before evening traveling through thick forest with very little dwellings near by. It was well spread over in hundreds acres of greens with a beautiful temple, a huge newly built convention centre and some twenty well equipped huts for pilgrims to stay on. We could not have imagined for such huge and well equipped lively place of worship and pilgrimage centre for Hindus and Jains being developed in US. Raman being its president, we were treated so homely.We stayed in well furnished guest house with all modern facilities available. We were served with Indian delicious food. There were three Indian care takers to manage everything there. We could not feel that we were so away from our home country. We stayed over night there.We were only eight Indians in that huge lovely surrounding filled up with eternal silence and tranquility in company with only nature. In the night we could see dozens of colorful deers roaming around our guest house in the greens. We were moved with its beauty, serenity, hospitality, calmness and oneness with nature but missed Shashi bhabhi every moment. Next morning we had very pleasant walk around the hill and campus, visited and prayed at the temple, enjoyed the tastiest parantha with curd and sangri ka saag and left for Thousand Islands as planned by Raman enroute to Niyagra Falls. Sidhanchal was only 40 minutes drive from New Jersey. We were amazed to find such huge land being developed as jain/hindu pilgrimage centre in US and so close to New York. Credit goes to late reverend Sushil muniji and his followers all over for this. We could know about history of its development and its functioning and utility to the local Indian community. It is a great social commitment and credential at the same time, for Raman to serve the organization as its president.Three persons managing day to day work there were from Gurgaon Deshnok and Behar. My ancestors belonged to Deshnok, Purulia was in Behar and now we live in Faridabad very close to Gurgaon. Deshnok person took me to his room to have morning darshan of Karni maa when he could know about my connection with Deshnok. Thus we found very at home in acquaintances there. On the way Raman received a call from Bhabhi. She was also not comfortable with the program and wanted to join us sothat she could be with us for some more time. We reorganized the program and returned bak to Sayre to take her along. After lunch at home and some rest we again left Sayre for onward journey with Raman and Bhabhi. We crossed through Rochester on the way where Sangeet Sumant had lived for some years. It was unfortunate that we could not make it to visit them during their stay. They are again planning to be in US for two years or so. If it be so, this time we must visit them by any means. It was a long drive of about eight hours to Thousand Island, our destination. As we started late in noon, we had to make night stay some where in transit. We enjoyed Mexican dinner at some place and stayed in a motel. It was a cozy room but without good window view. At London and Sayre we had enjoyed nice window view before retiring. So be got into some internal photography. All of a sudden amusingly I got a sms reading as……RAATE GUMNAM…from some Mamta in India. Instantly followed by another......AB BOLO KAUN KANJOOS HAI…..I could not recollect any Mamta who could send me such intimate sms. I found it amazingly interesting. So I reciprocated with some similar touchy sms. She continued with more….CAN’T HEAR U, CAN”T SEE U BUT MISS U ITNA SARA…. U & ME, UNIQUE AND STRANGE, ME UNIQUE AND U SO STRANGE…..I could sense that something was wrong some where. It must be discontinued or otherwise would be costly affair too. So I asked her if she could guess where about of me. NAA RE…she replied romantically. On knowing from me that I was in US, she stopped. I too took it as slip away incidence but shared about it with Raman and Bhabhi in morning and later with Rachana at Washington. I was eager to know about Mamta and the person whom she intended to send sms. It was perhaps on15/16 July night. Next morning we left after breakfast and arrived at Thousand Islands within few hours. We were on the bank of a huge lake spread over through miles between US and Canada. We took motor boat ride to explore into the lake. There were thousands of islands scattered through out the lake hence the name THOUSAND ISLANDS. Some were as little as of a few square yards in area and some as big as having a few castles built within it.Those islands have been owned by top industrialists and businessmen, Holywood actors and other wealthy persons and have been developed as their private resorts having all luxurious amenities and water sports facilities attached with. They have their own motor boats of various kinds to roam into the lake as per their leisure and pleasure.We could see many of them doing water sking and surfing all around. Each island has got its own beauty and charm. Some of them are open for public and tourists. Some of them have museums and old and rich castles. The guide in our motor launch described historical background of many prominent islands.We visited one or two islands and huge castles constructed there in. It was sunny with cool breeze blowing right across. We enjoyed the scenic tour through the lake for more than three hours and returned back to the shore to drive through to Canada to see Niyagra Falls from both US and Canada side. We arrived at Niyagra Falls before sun set. Raman guided us through both views at a glance and arranged for a hotel room for our night stay and then he was ready to return back home leaving us there to enjoy ourselves. It reminded me of our departure at the JFK airport during my last trip after staying together for one and half month. This time we were together for only four days and then Shobha was with me to carry on. That made a great difference. Still it created an unbearing vacuum in between. We felt isolated all of sudden. ‘Never to meet again in US and BAS ITNI DUR KA HI SAATH THA’ engulfed our mind while departing. But Raman and Bhabhi were truly thrilled to have us amongst even for a little duration. We shared some moments of intimacy in front of the water fall, had some photographs and then they left. We kept on roaming on the street viewing the water fall for hours. We witnessed the sun set and soon it was illuminated all around to make it one of the most enchanting natural sights of the world. Thousands of tourists from all over the world were there to photograph its beauty. It was difficult to analyse which of the four colors was more effective and attractive. The beauty of the fall was its width and the vast amount of water falling with a rhythm. One can spend hours together looking into the falling water and its surrounding beauty. Gradually the crowd around us became thinner. Perhaps the honeymooners preferred to get back inside room. So we too moved towards Casino. Though we never play any kind of gambling, we were charmed by its architect and illumination, various fountains and shows. We could see people dressed in best manner and in various non conventional outfits. We saw row of lemozins in front of casino to cater the customers. Best of liquor and wine with best of bartenders were there to serve the players on tables. Casino was new attraction at Niyagra since my last visit. By mid night we got tired and got back into room for retirement. Last time I entered into Canada to see Niyagra falls on this side and returned back to Cleveland. This time I came with Canadian visa to visit Toranto to meet Sangeeta and family. I was in touch with her after our arrival at Niyagra. She along with her husband planned to come down to Niyagra to receive us by next noon. So we had few hours at our disposal to explore Niyagra again in morning. So after having heavy breakfast we walked a lot to the American side of the falls to take up a ferry ride which took us to the nearest possible point of the massive falling water. It was a unique thrilling experience. We were provided with waterproof blue colored dress to protect ourselves from the sprinkling water while crossing under the falls. It was an open roof ferry through which hundreds of tourists in similar dress were taken crawling and cruising through the river against flow of current almost up to the falls to experience and watch its beauty closely. The sun rays over the falling water constituted a natural rainbow over the horizon when we came almost under the water. It was just out of word and heavenly experience altogether. From river base, next we moved up to the top of revolving tower through cable car to have a gignatic view of the Niyagra falls and its surroundings at a glance. Thereafter we went to IMAX theatre to see a documentary film on Niyagra and its mist in three dimention. It was a real thrill. Roaming through some beautiful parks and a museum we got back to hotel to take some rest before our Toronta host’s arrival as we got tired a bit. Travelling had been my hobbey and Shobha had always been a very supportive company through out but now the ageing factor started reflecting. Dot at assured time of 2 pm our host arrived. But Sangeeta was not there to my shock. Her husband and sister in law were there to take us to Toronto. Sangeeta had an appointment for her driving license, hence could not come. It was about three hours drive to Toronto through wide free way. The drive was as good and comfortable as that in US. Practically we did not find any difference between US and Canada with same kind of development, culture, malls and life style. It was our first meeting with Sangeeta’s husband in US and sister in law as ever but their treatment was very homely. They were very familiar with us and our close relation with Sangeeta. Her sister in law was a divoursee. She seemed to be very fond of driving on free way along with talking. She drove through out and sharing with all necessary informations about their family. She took us to her apartment first where she lived with her mother. We got fascinated with architect, furnishing and maintenance of the campus, building and apartment itself. Within half an hour Sangeeta arrived. She was delighted with our arrival but was a bit dipressed as she could not clear the driving license test. I reminded her about her higher secondary examination which she could get through in second attempt only after my initiative to help her in chemistry. I offered my services again with my presence. That was just to make her cheerful. She was surprised to know that I could learn driving now at this age. We were offered a grand home made dinner there and enjoyed fellowship with some of her friends and relatives. They were all from Gujrat and now well settled in Canada for good. They shared with us about how they came and got settled there in Canada. Sangeeta’s son was now four years old. Her husband seemed to be very nice gentleman taking care of the family. Her mother in law was a religious lady having Srinathji’s pooja along with. Very late in night, we came to Sangeeta’s home. It was an independent two storied house where Sangeeta’s husband and his elder brother’s family lived. Recently they had bought their own house which would be ready for living within two months. Soon we retired for the day as we were very tired with so much roaming at Nyagra and then driving a lot without any rest. We had very sound and comfortable sleep as if we were in home with family members around. Next morning we went for our regular walk through the community, took home prepared gujrati breakfast and left for Toronto visit with Sangeeta, her husband Kausik and son by their car. Kausik took us to the down town, a very big Mall, city town hall and shopping centre. We also went up through the second tallest building of the world, the sears tower to have full and splendid view of Toronto and the vast panorama of lake in the background. By noon we returned back home for lunch and intermediate rest. In evening they again took us through the streets of Toronto to see its lighting and illumination and for dinner. We also went to Iscon temple. Next morning we visited a sanatan temple managed by local Gujrati samaj. Preparation was going on for inauguration of its extension by reverend Sri Ramesh Bhai Ojha very next day. After lunch and exchange of gifts as token of love and affection, Kausik, Sangeeta and her son saw us off at the airport for our forward journey to New York. It was very homely and comfortable stay with Sangeeta and family. A long cherished desire got fulfilled. We were so happy to be with Sangeeta and so was she. She requested us to prolong our next trip for a week to stay with them in their newly bought house. None from her parental side had visited her so far. Being so close to us, she felt too happy to find us satisfied with her settlement there. We both must have an urge to talk to eachother in person, but could not get an appropriate opportunity. Our personal conversation was limited to a few sentences. She wanted to know how I felt with her settlement here and was delighted to know my positive view. She further requested me to provide her a copy of my write ups conveniently. I had earlier taken her permission to focus on our mutual relationship in it. If we be in Purulia once again, would she be comfortable to share some moments in chabi biri garden where our contacts flourished a bit, I asked. Na Baba Na, she replied smilingly. We flew into NewYork via Pittsburge. As with other airports in US, we found it to be of the same class, huge, busy, spacious well furnished and with all amenities.We were there for a few hours for our connecting flight to New York. It was late in evening when we landed at New York. It had just rained so the weather was very pleasant. Ramesh, my cousin was there to receive us. It was about 40 minutes drive through thick woods and greens to his residence where his wife Sarla was eagerly waiting but both his daughters were away to Chicago and France. After homely dinner and some talk we retired for the day as we felt tired after the long flight. When we told him about our visit to Sidhanchal, he informed that it was an hour’s drive away. Perhaps it was our faulty planning of the trip. Ramesh was working with Lever brothers at New York and Sarla was attached with some hospital near by. They took one day’s leave alternatively to give us company. Next morning we could see his so nicely built house. It had a big swimming pool attached in the backyard. In the basement, there was a table tennis board and some other game facilities. It was built on a small hill having beautiful surrounding. After heavy and delicious breakfast Ramesh drove us to Atlantic City about two hours drive. It has been developed like little Las Vegas in the east with lots of casinos, fun rides and entertaining centres. Architect of casinos every where is worth seeing. One of the casinos was built like replica of Tajmahal. We spent a few hours there enjoying the place without playing and returned back by evening. While returning we received call from Shashi, a distant cousin of Shobha inviting us to visit them. Instead they came to Ramesh’s place to meet us on our request. We were served with Rajasthani CHURMA BAATI and allied items in dinner. Shashi and her husband also joines us. Shashi’s daughter was close friend of Ritu at Cornel University. Our next day’s program was to take conducted tour of all places of interest in New York City. Last time Raman and Shashi Bhabhi took me through New York but this time we were to do by our own. With packed lunch Ramesh dropped us at the starting point of the conducted tour. I bought the tickets, which was quite expansive @80 US d each. We were looking to the itinerary of the tour, suddenly one young Indian girl in smart outfit approached towards us and took permission to share our table. She was alone and wanted to be with us during the tour. She took the same tour ticket and was delighted when we happily welcomed her to join. She was Chetna from Bhawnagar in Gujrat currently working at Dubai after MBA.Thus we three spent the day together visiting different places of interest in New York and sharing the fun. We visited all important museums, churches, bridges, tunnels, city parks and monuments. Visit to UNO was worth mention. We were allowed to witness one of its core committee meetings from the gallery. We traveled through different islands to see the famous Statue of Liberty, a gift from the people of France and to see the historical place where the first migrants from Europe landed. Record of their arrival was maintained meticulously. Some one down the line can search and find his lineage from there. Visit to the ruins of World Trade Tower was thrilling and sentimental moments for many local visitors. Planning of its reconstruction was at initial stage. Earlier I had seen it newly constructed in 1973. My experience about it was a thrill to Chetna also. It was superb work of advace technology used negatively to destroy it amongst many other tall and similar buildings near by. Our tour conductor and guide was very descriptive. We were served lunch in a restaurant near Times Square. Before that we shared our packed tiffin with Chetna. She took our photographs from her camera and we did the same to reftresh our memory in future. She also gave her Dubai cell number to me. We thanked each other for day long company. Otherwise these conducted tour, though very informative, are tiresome and time bound. Though it was my second visit to New York, a lot remained to be seen and enjoyed leisurely. I could not show New York night life to Shobha or any of popular Broadway shows. Even beauty of Times Square at night remained to be enjoyed this time, though we moved through all popular street of the city during tour.The bus left us at the starting point and Chetna departed. Ramesh was there to take us back home. I wanted to see Bombay Boys or Chicago plays. Both shows were running at that time. But I followed planned program as per convenience of Ramesh and his wife. We did not go any where in night and took complete rest and enjoyed homely stay and food. Next morning Sarla took us to some Hindu temple in the locality and after lunch Ramesh drove us to the airport for our flight to Washington. By late noon, we arrived at Washington. Bharat was there at the airport to receive us. It reminded me of my last visit. Bharat’s father Kishore received me at the Baltimore airport. Bharat was then one year old. That time I came to meet Sandhya only. Life has turned a full circle. Bharat is Rachana’s husband and we have specifically come here to stay with them for four days, the longest stay of the tour. They began here with great struggle. But now they are well settled and blessed with INICA, their three year old cute daughter. No one could come here during their settlement and Rachana’s delivery. Only Sandeep had visited them earlier. They have nice house in newly developed colony. Rachana being herself interior designer has taken special care in its furnishing with specific consideration for Enica’s comfort and need. So it was a family gathering and we had a lot to talk about. We wanted to share everything about their life here and future plans and they were eager to know about all family members and happenings back in India. So most important agenda of stay was gossip and talk. We had not done any shopping so far during tour. It was to be done here conveniently. Shobha preferred to be at home with Rachana and Enica when I went with Bharat for some grocery purchase. It was a surprise that we bought two lap tops from the same store while doing grocery shopping. The shop was like a huge ware house dealing in various items under one roof. Late in evening we went to a south Indian Hindu temple. It was built in a huge campus. It was as neat and clean as all American cities. On return Shobha found her self without slippers. She left over them in the temple campus. It was so clean everywhere that perhaps she forgot to wear it. Next day we again went to the temple and found the slippers where she left over. Inica was delighted to have visitors in home. She got attached to Shobha in no time and started calling her as NANI. Next day, both Bharat and Rachana had working day at office and Inica went to school. So we `decided to visit all historical places, museums, monuments White House, American Congress etc by ourselves. It reminded me of my last visit when I did the same alone without any enjoyment, though this time Shobha was with me. Rachana drove us to the Congress building and we were supposed to spend the day visiting all these places and she was to collect us in the evening while returning from office. But by noon we got exhausted and tired. Shobha did not find it that enterprising and mine was second visit. So we returned back home early by taking Metro. In comparison to London and New York, Washingtom Metro seems to be newly built. In the evening Bharat drove us through those places again and we enjoyed the visit. It was drizzling and the weather was very pleasant. We had great time at some of the monuments with many water bodies and fountains around and attractive illumination in night. This area is like our Rajpath where all important buildings are situated. Most of them have white stone exterior. So it looks attractive and soothing in night under flood light. Washington being the capital city is very well planned with some great architecture. One war memorial constructed very recently was new addition than what I had seen earlier. We spent next two days doing shopping in different Malls and stores under Rachana’s guidance and enjoyed family fellowship with Rachana, Bharat and inica. I was interested to visit Baltimore and the community where I stayed for five days some thirty years back but could not make it to be there. Then the day arrived when Bharat saw us off at the airport for our return journey. We had five hours break at Frankfurt airport. Though it is a very prominent air hub and we had to move on mono rail from one terminal to another but US airports seem to be more impressive.Flight was full of Indians and a sense of back home made the journey very comfortable. Good Indian food was served in this sector. Sri Prajapati, one spiritual orator, who earlier performed at our Purulia residence, met us on the flight. We spent the in bound journey by sharing our experience of tour. We landed at 1 am at Delhi airport and within two hours we were back home. After about nine months or so when I decided to write about our tour, I first asked Shobha about her impression of the tour. To start with, she was never as excited as I was when I went for the first time. She was rather apprehensive of making such trip so late in life. But she had full appreciation of discipline, neatness, transport and communication system and very caring approach of all. She was happy that she could see the other part of world which was so different. She liked the beauty of Niyagra Falls the most. To me also it was not that exciting but of great satisfaction and contentment of fulfilling a long cherished desire of taking Shobha there around. We could have enjoyed more if taken at an early age. Impact of age and health was felt everywhere. But we must have gone through some thrills, faced some food and travel problems, carried away with some most beautiful sites and impressed with modern systems. That must have enriched our wistom and knowledge.Knowledge is knowing something everyday by every act. Wisdom is letting go off something and preserve something selectively. Watching is another way of expressing seeing. So it was a trip full of life without much excitement and has touch of wisdom without imparting much of knowledge.

SWARGASHRAM SMARANAM

It is a tiny place on the bank of holy river Ganga on the opposite side of Rishikesh at the foothills of Himalayas in Shivalik Mountains. In fact it is here that the river flows out into the plains out of hills. Over the years it has developed into a good habitat and tourist place. It has charmed me since my childhood. To me, it is a place of great learning and entertainment both. Besides Purulia and Faridabad, it is Swargashram that I have visited and stayed more than any where else. It got transformed from a rustic dwelling of few huts scattered on hills, since my first visit some fifty years ago, to a well developed pilgrim and tourist place in due course. It was a virgin place and I had virgin mind. Perhaps I went naked, open and empty and without any idea. I was at very tender age of eight years or so at my first visit. Sometimes knowledge is a barrier. First and innocent visit perhaps provided me an opportunity later to creat many meaningful ideas of the place. It was like a poem to be composed or a song to be sung. It was last week of August 2003 when I planned to visit Swargashram once again along with my parents and Shobha for about a month or so. I was under process of sharing glimpses of my life with some one through mails very recently. It was a refreshing change and sentimental review of self to pass on to some one I started admiring very much. The idea of writing on self itself is result of typical instant attachment flourishing without any prejudice and intention. I am in the autumn season of my life and perhaps that was a shock to her. Perhaps she could not understand multi faced of love and intimacy, to start with atleast. To me it was a point of junction from where it could be diverted to any direction of mutual choice. There are people who live in dream world and others who face reality. I am one who wanted to turn one into another with full honesty. So I wanted to know her thoughts on it before I depart for a month or so to Swargashram. I put a questionery on mail with a request to respond instantly. I was delighted with her response which read like this: DO YOU LIKE ME? …………. YES DO YOU LIKE ANY SPECIFIC THING IN ME ?.....YES YOUR NATURE DO YOU LIKE TO BE MORE AS FAMILY MEMBER? ………. YES DO YOU LIKE TO BE CLOSER AFTER YOU LEAVE LNM AUTO? ….YES DO YOU LIKE TO BE CLOSER TO SHOBHA ALSO? ………..YES,OF COURSE DO YOU LIKE MY PAST AS TOLD SO FAR? ……. NO COMMENTS DID YOU GET ANSWER TO “ AISA BHI HOTA HAI KYA” ?.......AM CONFUSED DO YOU LIKE MY REMINDER TO KEEP SMILING? …………… YES DO YOU LIKE TO BE INTERESTED IN MY BIOGRAPHY?............... YES ANYTHING UNUSUAL IN IT ? ……………. NO DO YOU LIKE TO BE IN CONTACT FOR EVER? ………DEPENDS ON YOUR BEHAVIOUR DO YOU LIKE TO MISS ME? DON’T KNOW DO YOU LIKE TO TALK TO ME? SOMETIMES DO YOU LIKE ME TO TALK TO YOU? AS YOU WISH DO YOU LIKE ME TO VISIT YOUR HOME? ………WHEN RIGHT TIME WILL LET YOU GO DO YOU LIKE LNM AUTO AND ITS WORK CULTURE? VERY MUCH I was delighted to have these answers. It was more than distinction marks that I got. And I left for Swargashram happily. I made it a point to share my routine and in particular the essence of discourses that I would have, with her and Sangeet. There was a cyber café on the bank of the Ganges. I had fixed up a seat facing the window to look into the flowing river while writing the mails. To give a realistic idea, let me enclose those mails: My dear sangeet, Thanks for all that u r doing for me.I know it’s not desirable for you both to know many unknown facts of my life .But U both take interest now and r doing the job regularly for me. Hence thanks once again. We r now settled at swargashram. First day was slightly disturbing for me,feeling home and office sickness,.Well trying to get settled.From yesterday,we r on routine,attended Geetapath at 4.30 am to 5.30 and then the prayer was attended by Swami Ramsukhdasji for whom we come here so regularly.At the age of 100 around he seems to be with full energy and as promised earlier he has made attainment very easy.He told yesterday that by merely accepting the existence of GOD in all living and unliving things,we can be in peace and tranquality.There is nothing except His presence in this world.He has further clarified the matter today.GOD can not be investigated.It is to be believed and accepted.And once you accept his presence in all,you are filled with love and life becomes peaceful. My dear sangeet, Today was a remarkable day,no doubt.Programme wise and weatherwise too.Its around 7.30 in evening and I have just come to mail you immediately after AArti at Parmarth.All aarti and bhajans were sung by Muniji himself.Today being Thursday ’Ai mere Gurudeo Karuna’ was also included.It was just heart touching. A line of mist was all over the ganges, I was standing on the bank at parmarth Ghat.Ganges is flowing very rapidly with continued music of waives.Earlier I phoned her from there before Aarti and she could listen the sound of the Ganges very distinctly.Dark clouds were over the hills,but it did not rain sofar.And while writing mail,I can see the ganges flowing thru the window.Yesterday there was no power in night and myself and Goura were talking till very late sitting outside under full moon.Shobha is not well so was inside.She has been missing a lot this time,she did not take Ganges bath and missed Arti and Ramayan too.Hope she would recover soon. Today in Ramayan, both Ram and Sita could see eachother in Janakpur in the garden where Sita went to worship Gouri.What a distinct discription Tulsidasji made.The person leading the chopais used different classical ragas and it was so soothing and heart touching.If convenient read the chopais from 222 to 236 in Balkand.You both are well conversant with hindi and your hindi writing is also good, you can enjoy it. Regarding swamijis satsang,its just passing the climax.Since last 15 years ,I have been here regularly to listen to him.Once he told ,that within few years he would comeout with some new and fresh analysis of Geeta which would enable oneness with the God,the easiest of all efforts..Since our arrival this time,he is just repeating again and again that the world is nothing but God everywhere.You take it with resolved and feel His presence always and that will end to happiness and only happiness.There is nothing except GOD and happiness in this world,according to him.Just accept it and enjoy.As we consider Ram and Krishna as HIs Awatar,the world is the Adi Awtar as He constituted it first.What he preaches,he means it.You can just realise how cheerful he is and truely he considers all surroundings as presence of God.This noon ,he started negatively that we accept our father and mother without knowing them,the females accept the husband just instantly after marriage,even we accept a Guru as God on taking Diksha,but wedont accept the God to be present all over.There is nothing except God. I wish you all to be here rightforth as this is never to happen for long time.I have never persuaded you or even Goura after her marriage to come to us on our request,but today my feelings are that you and all whom I love must rush up here to realise the truth of life,to realise Him for which we are here.You may get disappointed too as you know the story of the Elephant anf six blindmen,because everyone has his own perception about things.But at this moment my desire is this.Further I think at this moment that even if we feel the happiness and oneness at the time of Satsang and preaching by swamiji only, still it is worth leaving all and living here.I just forsee that life will not be the same again,thinking on different plans.There are many alternative engagements worth try here,we r just utilising 40% time sofar.Lot of creativities attract me to be here.Shobha is not inclined to return back right forth,but we will consider many aspects for sure.Well,if it so happen, will you both come to see us at times? I once again thank you both for all that you r doing for me. My dear sangeet, Its pouring since 8 in the morning.But I am here in the cybre cafe to write u mails.It has been an addiction developing.Once I complete my write ups, which I want to complete within this year atleast..Now as regular customer,the staff here gives me preference.They also know my choice of seat facing the window thru which I can see the Ganges flowing.Its foggy on the ganges as well as on hills surrounding.weatherwise as well as discourses wise it has been the best trip and as I wrote earlier,life should not be the same again.Well its always changing as the scenes around here get changing.Every moment the position of clouds on the hills and in the sky gets changing,sometimes I just keep on watching at randomly and thinkng on life and its ever changing colors.Swamiji keeps on saying the same daily.No one can keep it constant.The childhood grows to youth and to old and ultimately to death.No one can keep healthwise as it is,same is with wealth,friends,relatives and all and nothing is ours permanently nor we can keep them as we want to.But we remain the same,the changes occur in our body and suroundings.So we and our He remain the same.That is why we should accept it that we both r for each other and let rest of all go as per the rule of nature.We should try to make all smiling and cheerful without expecting anything in return. I have some changes in routine too.After Ramayan,I learn harmonium from 2 to 3 in noon.In the evening after Ganga aarti,I join classical Bhajan followed with aarti in a basement room adjascent to swamijis sant niwas,where ladies r not allowed and a very beautiful and gracious Banke Beharijis idol placed.For most of the time till 10 in night,bhjans,pooja and kirtan go on there.I remain there for half an hour and then again practicise harmonium for 45 minutes.So now I sit on computer from 10 am to 11.30 in place of evening.If I could learn to play and sing even HARE RAM HARE RAM RAM RAM HARE HARE,it will be a great support to me in my loneliness at any time.I will have to find some teacher at Faridabad too to continue this.I think,I am trying to follow yr instructions,sangeet which u gives from time to time whenever I am upset.Yes,I am building up some confidence in me to fight my own sentimental weakness. Regarding return prog,we have different ideas.Babuji wants to return with sandeep when he be here arond 26/27,Bai wants to return on 5th after nawaparayan and amazingly Shobha wants to be here for good.She discussed the matter with babuji and might take up with bai too.I am keeping my cards close to me only.I understand the hurdles to fulfill Shobhas desire.Detachment needed first or living apart may develop it in due course,I dont know.I will try to take life as it comes.I would like you both to put forward yr valuable suggestions. In ramayan,Ram sita vivah to be followed with Sitajis Vidai to come today and tomorrow.I will write about it then.Thats all for today.If u both think it proper,letters addressed to u both,may constitute part of my write ups.and these letter may be mailed to sandeep also after u both read it carefully. Love My dear sangeet, This time weather is splendid and romantic and so r all the programmes here around.Day before yesterday it dizzled for about 18 hours and there after its cloudy.Nawaparayan Ramayan to start from saturday and we expect to return to Faridabad on sunday 5th night. Today I am to focus on yesterday noon discourses by swamiji.It was a routine to have a question answer session for half hour and then kirtan HARe RAM... for half hour to be followed with silence ranging from 5 to 20 minutes depending on how swamijis deep mood returns to normal.Yesterday he was asked to say something of his liking in place of questions.And he began like..... Mere pas naya kuchh bhi nahin hai, ap yeh man lo ki ap bhagwan ke ho aur Bhagwan ke alawa ap ka koi bhi nahin hai.Sarir aur sansar kewal seva karneke liye hai,kuchh bhi pane ke liye nahinhai.Agar ap is se asha rakhenge to rang birange dukh milte rahenge aur agar ap bhagwan ke ho jayange to abhi se sirf Khusi aur prasanta milegi.So,saral hriday se dridhtapurvak,yeh man leve. Since we came everytime he asked for the same in different way, sometime positively or sometime negatively.He further told,main aaj sabko ghar sigri (means with all family) nimantran deta hun to accept this and enjoy the joy of life for all time to come.I thought to discuss with shobha at night when we usually meet to accept this on principle if even we fail to sustain it as he is requesting again and again.He gave an example,while getting our daughter married,just on declaring by purohit,we accept her to become one with other family,to accept some one as her husband and in laws and ourself becoming secondary henceforth.Why not accept a request from a sadhu,who never asked for any favour so far in 70 years of his services.That made all very sentimental and tears rolled down for his honesty and sincere purpose to make all happy.So I thought to be committed to try to think like that.Then the Kirtan started and everyone was crying with emotion and he again requested wth folded hands to trust on him and act with determination.In place of silence he again spoke with emotion to join him and be ever happy.He wanted a confirmation from the masses.At this the kirtanwala instantly made a bhajan accepting his open invitation to all and making promises on behalf of all and at the bank of ganga with ganga to be the witness to accept it with full determination and let God support this promise.It was just out of world situation and feelings.I just miss you both and all my kins.I really wanted that tum dono bachian yahan hoti and sandeep minoo and kids bhi yahan ayen and get swayed by this.SAndeep is coming here on 27th.I would like you to join him ,but she has other plans or reservations.But I intend to bring you and her,ofcourse if she consents,here when you visit us next time atleast for three days.Make your plan as early as possible,mind that swamiji is 100 years old I hope you both to find time to read these mails properly and come out with your viwes and feelings that will help me a lot.Thanks and love My dear sangeet Today is third day of navratra and third day of Navaparayan too.Its my first opportunity to participate in such Ramayan path,led by some radio artist from Jodhpur and team with harmonium,tabla,flute etc.More than one thousand people singing in chorus is just remarkable.Two seatings of each 2.15 minute and a break of half hour.I had my doubt to sit so long..So to start with I prayed,Prabhu,man prem aur Bhakti se bhar jaye.And I tell you I am feeling the same.Even Babuji is very regular sofar.Sangeet,you have this experience,you can feel it.Each situation of Ramayan gets into your heart directly.I have once read Ramayan in full and many times in parts,but this is a unique experience and I am enjoying it.First Shiwjis Vivah and then Ramjis birth and today was Ram vivah.All the discription was so touchy and soothing.In every Chopai,they change the Raag to make itmore interesting .Hope we would be completing it and then will leave for Faridabad on 5th.Sandeep and family is here.Its first time that we all r here.Hope they too like the place and come very often. I was thinking on Sita ram vivah and my mind went back to all four marriages that took place in our family during my memory.And idea clicked to write about all in details as you all r not aware of all .Remind me to write about all that I promised and postponed. Let me tell you one incident about it.Its not to boast of myself,but to convey how Babuji took it.Biren had attended both sandeep’s and sangeet’s marriage and when the couple were on dias during marriage and reception,he congratulated babuji on both occasions to see how grand the couple looked like.Babuji was overwhelmed on the graciousness of God and on my selection ,but he left Biren guessing with his remarks: that you were not present during yr friend’s and Shobha’s marriage,that was the couple like Sitaji and Ramji’s couple and it still reflected in his mind on these all marriages.Well,I didnot see how our couple looked like on that occasion,Shobha still might match or might be compared with Sita but I could never be anywhere near Ram in whatever way.But to Babuji,at the time of marriage our couple was the best on appearance. Janakji was known as bidehi, but became dehi twice only, once when he saw Ramji and once during Sitas bidai otherwise he was immune of any worldly feelings. We r into Poojas, enjoy it and love. My dear ….. I am just coming from discourses.And let me quote today’s last ritual: Agar aap kisi ko bhi jane aur anjane kabhi bhi kisitarah ki bhi taklif pahuchate hain,to ise swikar karen aur aap ki galti ho ya na ho,mafi mang leven.Maaf karna ya na karna unke haath men hain. I just rushed to write to you with inspiration from there.I dont know how,but I have hurt you,that much I know.So,let me ask and request you to execuse me for any such act of mine,knowingly or unknowingly.And dont be under presuure,its yr sweet will to excuse me or not. You must be in Pooja mood, enjoy it.Its celebrated as win of goodness over evil.Let goodness prevail on our relation and all confusion or ill thought should be won over by love and affection.At least from my side its a new beginning and a great feeling I have within me to accept you as my closest ward,even if it be one sided.It has been there in my mind and heart from the first day I felt for it,now I have conveyed to you and so I feel happy about it. I had conveyed to you also sometime directly or indirectly.My straight talk with your mom at calcutta and very recently from here indicates the same.When you were not received by anyone at sangeet’s place,I specifically phoned and talked with yr mom on this.With any wrong intentions,can anyone dare to talk so directly.I told you once,Dont be upset or angry to any one,mere par gussa ho sakti ho,so its ok if you r angry with me,only I want to know the reason,if you could let me know.Dont forget but if possible forgive and develop afresh.I will like to wish you and yr family on pooja thru sms. My dear Sangeet, It hasbeen one month since we arrived here.Weather has ever be changing since then.For three weeks we enjoyed the cloudy and rainy season.Now rains have gone and nights r cooler and days are with bright sun.Cold and fast wind blows through out night here as it is situated in a valley.The Navaparayan Yagya has also got into its sixth day.Ayodhyakand is over and tomorrow will be Aranyakand,kiskindha kand and Sundarkand.So another three days are left over out of this trip.Yesterday all of sudden bai and babuji both got fever.Still they continue with Ramayan,though missed morning satsang. Ayodhyakand seems to be the most eventful.Return of Ram after marrying Sita, preparation for the coronation of Ram as Yuvraj,Ram Vanvash,death of Dashrath,Meeting of Nisad and kewat with Ram,Bharats return to Ayodhya,Bharat Ram milap in Vanvash,return of Bharat to Ayodhya with Rams Paduka are some of the very emotional events in the Ayodhyakand.And how lively it has been described,I could ! know this time only when all 2000 odd people enchanting it got carried away with the happenings.When Ram set out for vanvash to obey Dashrath,the whole of Ayodhya came out with him and returned to Ayodhya with hopes of his return after 14 years when Ram left them in early hours of morning without informing.They had a hope and faith of his rerturn so could pass 14 long years just in hope.But in Krishna’s case,Gopis knew that he would not return back and still they passed their lives in devotion to his love.Krishna once left for Mathura never returned back to the Gopis or to the places where he spent his childhood with Gopis and Gwalas.That makes Gopis the greatest lovers having no expectations in return of their total love for Krishna. All the events in Ayodhyakand are full of emotions and tears.Sita and laxman’s resolutions to join Ram to vanvash,Dashraths mental status and death,Kewats meet with Ram and free transport across the river and Bharat milap are climax of emotions,to mention with.What I want to imress,dont consider Ramayan only as religious book only and try to find time to read and discuss it thoroughly,whenever convenient. Ram has already moved from Ayodhya to Chitrkoot and I intend to write about my visits to both places, before writing about SWARGASHRAM SMARANAM.I had a mind to write about my various visits to swargashram from here,but could not write sofar,will take up soon.May be I dont write so regular henceforth and want to go thru all write ups once to recollect what already written.All the letters written from here to you both may constitute as my write ups on this swargashram trip. I once again place my thanks to you both for your inspiration and involvement in this not that necessary project.Love My dear sangeet This is to be the last such letter from here unless I find something very important to write tomorrow.And from Faridabad, frequency should not be the same, will write very occasionally.We are otherwise fine,but Babuji is not well.Ramayan’s two more days left over.We are likely to leave from here on 5th noon to arrive at Faridabad in night.More than a month and some significant change should be there in thinking and living.If so will write about that after some time.You both must be among Pooja celebrations.Its being the most festive season in Bengal and sangeet to be in holidays ,must be enjoying the only long holiday in the year.And you like to enjoy Pooja in your locality in Faridabad amongst your own people,so must be in very refreshing mood.3.35 in noon is the sandhi pooja time and all should be in pooja pandal in Purulia waiting for the crackers to follow.Its being celebrated typically in Purulia and Bankura.This year I had a mind to visit pooja pandals in Faridabad,but could not do that.Whats store in for next year,dont know.Well,wish you both the best of festival season.And would be happy to know how you celebrated it. In Ramayan,we are into Lankakand.After Sitaharan and friendship with Sugriva,Ramji crossed into Lanka and Vibhisan also joined him.There were many emotional description in between.During Ram Vanvas in Ayodhyakand,I remembered the Bhajan,VAN ME DEKHA DOI VANBASI,which sangeet used to sing and once sandeep composed its music.I always got moved by this Bhajan.At times I still sing it to Shobha.Just when I was thinking on it,Soniji,the main singer here started singing it in between Ramayan.And it reminded me of all about. Sandeep is to leave for Purulia on 6th morning and I will be missing him miserably in office and home.I find it very discomfortable without him around in Faridabad.and particularly in office I feel very at home in when sandeep and you be around.Sometimes I dont like myself sitting in sandeep’s office through out without any significant assignment,but cant help otherwise.I wish but dont know when we be together.See if you could come over here in November. So bye till I write again. My dear sangeet, I am again on net to write the last mail on Ramayan as I intend to start a fresh chapter with fresh subject from Faridabad.So last mail from here.Some change in prog, will leave from here around 4 pm. Today we have stepped into Uttarkand via Lanka kand.Tomorrow it will be over by 3 pm with Ram Rajyavisek and then a big Shobha Yatra,which we will skip. In Lankakand,it refers mainly to Ram Ravan fight and ultimately Ravan got killed.I want to highlight some very touching and exciting moments in between., You know,Ram killed Ravan and won over Lanka,but never entered into it.After Ravan was killed,he asked Hanumanji,Sugriva and all to enter into lanka and coronate Vibhisan.Because he was committed to be in Vanvash till completion of 14 years and still two days were left.How strongly he was committed to his father. Then he asked vibhishan to arrange for a viman as to be in Ayodhya just on the promised day otherwise Bharat would kill himself as he was to wait till the last day of 14 years of Vanvash. He further sent Hanumanji in advance to inform Bharat and all Ayodhyavashi that he would be reaching just in time as there waiting time was over and to be cheerful.He knew their sentiments and eagerness to see him and was so careful for the same. And when hanumanji reached Bharat and told all about happenings during Banvash, Bharat just wanted to know whether Ram could find moments to remember him and if so how did he remember him. On reaching Ayodhya, while entering the palace, Ram first entered into Kaikayis room and met her and then moved to Kaushalya and Sumitra,though Kaikayi was behind his banvash.And most touching was the return of all monkeys and their leaders after staying with Ram so long and fighting for him against Ravan and in search of Sita. And in Aranyakand Rams meet with sabri eating her tasted berries resembles with what Krishna did at Bidur’s place.Do you remember dear sangeet,AAJ HARI AAYE BIDUR GHAR PAWNA,its still the same touching and close to heart Bhajan as it was when you used to sing.Please refresh all those hobbeys. By the way,I will attend todays aarti within a few minutes then Harmonium class and tomorrow morning prayer at 4,30,jlast time of this trip.Yes,we have made some resolutions this time and wish me that I remain committed to them for ever.I tried to learn six bhajans or kirtans and a few SAREGAMA and hope to practicise and learn more at Faridabad. So bye bye from here, wish you both happy vijaya.Likely to see you dear sangeet on 16th Nov at Calcutta and you on 6th October in office.Love We returned as per program. Babuji was not well and had to be on treatment for a month or so. Soon we were into Dipawali preparation. Year 2003 was coming to end. We visited her home before leaving for Bharatpur Agra trip with Sameep and Divyansh on the occasion of New Year We went to Purulia in January. But Swargashram was always in memory. So we again planned to visit it in March. This time it was me and Shobha only and for a short stay of ten days. We planned to be there on 11th March, which is incidentally Shobha’s birthday. We had to postpone our program by a day for Kennametal bids. It was a unique experience of participating in an open bid. And we were successful to win the order. Sandeep could add another feather to his cap. We left on 12 th morning. Bai Babuji Champoo Dinu Sandeep Minoo Divyansh and Kanta were there to see us off. Sameep did not come out of home as usual.He does not like to see anyone off. HAR GHARI BADAL RAHI HAI……the popular song was on radio and that gave me a lot to ponder about.It is the fact. Every moment everything gets changed around us. Some changes are so slow that becomes insignificant and some very distinct to imprint its mark.My thoughts were into my previous visits to Swargashram We drove non stop and arrived our destination by noon.It was spring and trees were without leaves waiting for new leaves to come. I enjoyed the beauty of trees without leaves with hopes of new green leaves by the time I would return.Soon we were on Ganga ghat. Water level was very low than what we saw in last visit after rains. But water was very clean. It had same flow as ever. I had witnessed it since more than fifty years in intervals. I thought to record all about my visits to this lovely place during this stay. I peeped into my memory to recollect the numbers of visit at the first instance. It was tentatively the 30th visit and my stay over here ranging from few hours to months.My first visit was in 1953 when I was 8 years old. There was no bridge or motor boat facility to cross over the unspoilt Ganges. There were a few country boats run by Kalikamali wala ashram or otherwise famous Laxmanjhhula bridge was there about two miles away.There were very few dwellings, shops or even Ashrams. We stayed in Kalikamliwala ashram for about three weeks situated on a small hill a bit away from the Ganges. A few tin sheded rooms with no amenities were there for the pilgrims. I was with my grandmother and a few of her associates. Later Shiwji along with his father joined us there. There was thick forest around the Ashram where we would roam at random. There was Laxminarain temple on the bank of the Ganges. I don’t remember the existence of famous Geetabhawan at that time. Only Sadhus or pilgrims on way to Badrinath Kedarnath temples used to stay over there in transit. Kalikamliwala was a reverend saint who popularized the Uttarakhand Yatra consisting of visit to Badrinath Kedarnath Yamunotri and Gangotri by providing dwelling huts at various places on way along with supply of necessary provisions and food etc. Later my mother and little Goura joined us and we left for Badrinath and Kedarnath .That was the purpose of our visit and stay over there. Shiwji and his father returned back to Purulia. After all necessary preparation through Kalikamaliwala, we took off on to a very tough journey. We went by bus upto Devprayag about 4/5 hours journey from Rishikesh. Before that we walked up to Garurchatti via Laxmanjhula for a ritual before commencing the journey. I still have memories of a beautiful water fall there around. Three years back I went to see the place and was sorry to see its plight. With good motorable roads all over now no one goes for the rituals and place has turned to be like ruins. Beyond Devprayag, we had to walk down all the way. My grandmother was taken in a planque carried by four persons as she was too old to move of her own. Our luggage was carried by four labourers. We hired a horse to be used by any one of us on being tired in between. As I have blurred memory of the trip, hence no details or sequence are with me. There were five pryags on way where two rivers meet namely Devprayag, Rudraprayag, Karna prayag, Vishnu prayag and Nanda prayag. The conjuction of two rivers made beautiful site, I remember. At Rudra prayag we passed through a tunnel, under construction at that time. We also visited Trijuginarain and Toomnath, though they were not on the way. Huts were made of bumboos and were covered with Bhojpatras. There was no electricity. Local people were very poor. They used to beg for thread and needle for repairing of their old clothes. We met with earthquack tremors at two/three places on way. We would travel about ten to fifteen kilometers every day. We crossed over a hanging bridge at Vishnu pryag. We enjoyed snow fall at Kedarnath.It took three or four weeks to return back to Rishikesh. It was an adventurous pilgrimage by all means. During my subsequent visit to those places, though our journey and stay was comfortable, I missed the rustic way of living and the true beauty of nature. Though I was a child, it got its imprint engraved very deep into my mind and heart. The horseman and the labourers who carried our luggage through out were very sad at the time of depart after spending weeks together and so were we all. My horizon might be limited at that time. I could revisit the place again with broad horizon. But it is very refreshing and thrilling to think of the great adventurous journey in to mighty Himalayas as a child trekker. It was a dream journey which hardly seems real now. My next visit to Swargashram could take place in 1961 only after pre university examination. I along with Raman planned for Mussoorie and Shimla and my parents joined us at the last moment. I had to extend my stay at Swargashram for my illness for three weeks before going to Mussoorie for ten days and visit to Shimla got cancelled. We had good occasion to explore life at Swargashram once again. It had got changed a lot since my last stay some eight years back. The famous CHOTIWALA restaurant had come up though in small way along with Geeta bhawan no 1 and 2 and Parmarth niketan. Country boat got upgraded by motor boat to cross over the Ganges curtesy Geetabhawan. On Rishikesh side Shiwanad ashram and Kailash asram had come up. Jaidayalji Goenka, the founder of Geetabhawan was at the helm of all affairs of development and spiritual discourses there at the bhawan and at under a banyan tree about one kilometer away on the bank of the Ganges. I was least interested in these activities at that time whereas bai Babuji had come for that purpose only. But foundation for later inclination was laid down perhaps. I was more interested in taking bath in the Ganges and roaming around up to Laxmanjhoola through mangoe grove. Our servant was a good swimmer and we could enjoy floating on wooden slippers with his help. Density of forest was diminishing with construction of various ashrams destroying the natural beauty of the place. I would often discuss with Raman and Bai about its virgin beauty that I had seen as a child. In fact I would miss that but still enjoyed my stay over there very much. I was enchanted with its natural hilly surroundings, rustic but homely facilities, simple and friendly people, the ever flowing Ganges and its chilled refreshing abundant water coming directly from the Glacier. My third visit to the palce `was for an hour or two in july 1966. I was on way from Mussoorie to Amritsar with Jijaji and Omji. I intentionally made a halt on the Rishikesh side of Swargashram to describe all about it to them who had never visited the place so far. It was raining all the way, I remember. Later we took holy dip in to the Ganges at Har ki peri, Haridwar and left for Amritsar. After extending my stay at Amritsar for nine days I returned back home and on 23rd of the same month, we were blessed with Sandeep. In 1979, we again spent some hours in Swargashram on our way to Uttarakhand Yatra. I was accompanied with Shobha, Goura, Omji, Sandeep and Madhur. It was my intention to let children know about Swargashram which has fascinated me all along. I took them to all Ashrams after holy dip into Ganges sharing all about my previous visits to the place. We crossed to Swargashram on motor boat and returned to get into our car via Laxmanjhoola. We took lunch at Chotiwala which got expanded to a good restaurant now. By this time many shops have come up on the bank of the Ganges just above Ghats. Within hours we left for Srinagar, the capital town of Pouri Garhwal via Devprayag. We had night stay there and left for Gourikund very next morning via Gupta kashi. At Gupta Kashi, our panda joined us and we made night halt at Gourikund. It was a good motorable road up to Gourikund. Now we were to enter into the beautiful Kedar valley and through trekking road to Kedarnath about 14 kilometers away. There was hot water spring at Gourikund. A dip in it refreshes the tired pilgrim to take on the stiff route ahead to Kedarnath at around 11000 ft.above sea level. Though the trekking path was so much beautiful with Madakini flowing side by side, I felt suffocation as I approached Kedarnath by evening. Sandeep enjoyed the valley climbing with a big transistor in his hand to listen the commentary of India Australia test mach. We stayed overnight there, performed Pooja at 4 am in shivering cold, took hot JALEBI as breakfast and left for Gourikund. It took 24 hours to complete Kedarnath Yatra where as it took about a fortnight during my early visit. We left for Badrinath with night stay at Uttarkashi in between. Next afternoon we arrived at Badrinathdham. I could notice the great transformation with interest. Good Dharamsalas and guest houses with good amenities had come up. The flow of Alaknanda and the snow claded Nar ans Narain peaks of Himalayas stood as ever without any significant change. But the rustic and natural surrounding had gone sea change due to urbanization. After staying for two nights there we took off the return journey back to Haridwar, our base camp. In 1984 or 85, I alongwith Sangeet and Shobha had an adventurous tour of Gangotri and Jamunotri. We visited Swargashram for some time though we stayed at Haridwar in transit. During that visit I took DIKSHA from Swami Swaroopa nandji, the holy Shankaracharya of Jyotispith and Dwarka pith. That was beginning of inclination to spirituality a bit. He wanted me to devote some fixed time meditation with a specific MANTRA very regularly. Before this I was never committed to do anything like that regularly though I would attend various spiritual discourses at times conveniently. Bai and babuji kept on visiting Swargashram very regularly to attend Swami Ramsukhdas ji’s discourses and programmes in particular. They would share the themes with me occasionally. I got inclined to his philosophy a bit through books and cassettes brought by them from Swargashram. Ramsukhdasji popularly known as Swamiji was at the helms of all programmes at Geetabhawan since many years after death of Jaydayalji. But I did not have any opportunity to attend him or his programmes at Swargashram so far. In 1987 Bai Babuji visited Swargashram for a month or so along with Sangeet. He had to return back hurriedly due to ill health. He had to discontinue regular visit to Swargashram. So he wanted me to go there conveniently with specific purpose of attending Swamiji’s discourses. He was confident of moving towards inner peace through it. He wanted me to attend, follow and attain what he could attain so far. Fortunately swamiji was persuaded to visit Purulia for three days. And Babuji made it a point omake us all attend his prayers and discourses without fail. Babuji’s inspiration and insistence made my next visit to Swargashram in 1988 with some different and specific purpose. They always stayed at Geetabhawan though with lots of inconvenience and discomfort. But he suggested me to make my stay at Parmarth Niketan with modern amenities available there. This was a very practical option to keep interest alive for long. Earlier Sangeet had developed contact with Muniji, the president of Parmarth Niketan during her last visit. Though I was fascinated towards tranquility and natural beauty of the place since many years, a new beginning was made in 1988.Now interest and inclination was to be developed towards principles of Geeta through Swamiji’s discourses. On arrival, we went straight to meet Muniji at his office. Only Shobha was with me. There was heavy rush of pilgrims for accommodation. They were selectively denied with no vacancy available. We silently waited. Once every one gone away, he enquired about our purpose of waiting. I informed him of my purpose to stay for a week in Ashram. I don’t know what made him to instruct his assistant to let us stay in Laxmi Kutir, one of the best furnished accommodations. We were provided with tea and snacks every morning during our stay. We informed all about us and Sangeet in our next meeting with Muniji. On fourth day the donor of the flat came from Badrinath. We wanted to vacate the premises but he not only insisted us to continue but forced us to share meals with him. Thus we came into contact with Sri Parmatma saranji and his wife from Meerut. We stayed there for a week or so participating in prayer, Ganga Aarti, regular Ganga bath both times but our main emphasis was to attend Swamiji’s spiritual Satsang and discourses very regularly to understand and follow it. He was approaching 90 and his voice had become feeble. We had to be accustomed to it gradually with deep attention, to start with. It was a new beginning. So far my attraction about the place was its natural beauty with ever flowing Ganges amongst surrounding hills. Now it was the true art of living through Swamiji’s discourses.We had the real opportunity to live fully with passion and meaning and profound satisfaction. It helped us to uncover the soul to remove the layers of fear or shame or apathy that conceal it so far. A good opportunity to start and we decided to come over again and again for the purpose. Swamiji would stay over there for about three months in summer and we made it a point to visit at least once every summer. Next summer we again went there to stay for ten days. That time didi jijaji Goura and Omji also accompanied us. That period was full of tension for me. Sandeep’s marriage was approaching and my factory at Sohna was under installation process. In addition as usual Babuji was not in good condition health wise and Bai had developed a serious throat problem. But my inclination to this art of living made me to come over there in search of some solace. We stayed at Parmarth Niketan in the same Laxmi kutir. We also had two rooms booked in Vanprastha Ashram for Goura Omji. We made a donation of Rs.50000/ to parmarth Niketan for construction of a single room flat for our accommodation in future. We had developed personal contact and rapport with Muniji now. But our purpose was to go through and learn to practicise the philosophy of Geeta through Swamiji’s discourses.This time we had an opportunity to meet Swamiji in person for the first time. He enquired if I had any specific agenda of discussion with him. I did not have any such specific query in mind and just wanted to have his DARSHAN. He advised of his own, I quote “ AGAR DARSHAN HI KARNA HAI TO GANGAJI KA KARO JO ANWARAT BAH RAHI HAI AUR YUGO SE JEEWAN DAN KAR RAHI HAI APNE NIRMAL JAL SE. AUR SURYA KA DARSHAN KARO PRITHWI BANI HAI TAB SE ROSHANI AUR SHAKTI DE RAHE HAIN. AYE HO TO PRATIDIN GANGA SNAN KARO, ANAWARAT BHAGWAN KO YAD KARO. JO HO RAHA HAI USE SHUBH MANO.APNE BACHO KO KOI BHI TAKLEEF NAHI DETA TO PARAMPITA JINKE HUM BACHE HAIN KABHI BHI HAME TAKLEEF NAHI DE SAKTE,YAH BISWAS RAKHO. BHAGWAN KO HAR PAL YAD KARNE KA PRAYATNA KARO AUR HAR HAAL ME KHUSH RAHO.’ And his words worked as miracles to provide me necessary strength out of worries to manage Sandeep’s marriage assignments and my early years of struggle at Faridabad and Sohna. I made up my mind there after to come over there to be recharged from time and again. My approach to life started changing positively though not to the extent it aught to be. Till 1999 we made it to be there every summer. Gradually the place became home away from home to us. We made good contacts here. All faces around looked familiar. It so happened twice that I visited the place alone. Shobha could not come for some or other reason. It developed like an addiction. Once I arrived at Haridwar on way to Swargashram here on 2nd July. I was not aware about a complete strike being observed on the day every year. I was suggested to stay over at Haridwar only. But I was restless to reach my destination. I had to walk down for ten kilometers with luggage in my hands in that grueling summer to reach Swargashram. It was daring though but I became at home in and very comfortable at Swargashram. Though my coming here alone could never be appreciated by Shobha, Sandeep or other family members but I could not resist. I feel very intimately and sentimentally attached to the place and enjoy the much sought after state of peace here through discourses on Geeta by swamiji. Now swamiji was approaching hundred years and was not in good health. So he disclosed his willingness to be at Swargashram only and not to go away from the Ganges any more. That thrilled me. I decided to visit the place at least twice in a year and in pleasant weather instead of during summer days. We could make it to be there some time thrice in a year in different seasons there after. After Shobha’s illness in 2001, we would stay at Van Prastha Ashram in place of Parmarth Niketan for convenience and comfort. But we would attend all programs of swamiji. I enjoyed my staying here in all months and seasons. It presents a different situation in different season.Though it remains a bit deserted in winter but still very much enjoyable. All programs go on as usual in all the seasons without depending on the audience, participants or weather. We would start our routine around 4.30 am by attending prayer, satsang, kirtan, Gangabath, Ramayan path, and noon discourses, Ganga Arti in evening etc. It was very spiritual and hectic routine. In addition we would enjoy natural surroundings and ever flowing Ganges. Sometimes we took naturopathy treatment and yoga classes also. In early years I would attend Rotary Club meetings at Haridwar and Rishikesh. But of late I tried to devote fully towards satsang and the Ganges and surrounding hills. Last time I learnt playing on harmonium a bit. So I am with my harmonium this time and give some time towards it also. Within a week weather has changed. Summer is knocking at the door. Shobha is also not at the best of health. So we are not that regular To Ganga bath and Aarti. Swamiji is also not well. He addresses from his room only. Duration of his address has been curtailed as per doctor’s advice and rest of the time is being devoted to bhajans and kirtans. But we attend all his programs. Yesterday he suggested us to look into ourselves to feel the ever going changes. Childhood paved way to youth and youth to old age. We can not recognize our own photograph of childhood. It is the way of life and we must prepare to face and accept it. The plus point is that we as person don’t get changed.I was LNM as child or youth or even today. The changes occur as per destiny. We should have trust on destiny to lead life at lease. In course of these visit and stay here, I could make some useful contacts too. Once with no vacancy available, we were accommodated in Swami Bhagwatanandji’s room. Thus we came in his contact who suggested us to take Swami Gopalanandji to Purulia for Bhagwat katha, which we intended to arrange. It was a grand program and we could participate in it with full family including Sangeet and Goura. His discourses were appreciated by one and all in Purulia. I could make good contact with swami Ashanganandji, the chairperson of Parmarth Niketan. Swami Pragyanad ji was another person who instilled a fresh way of art to live life very lively. Dr.Soni, who would explain Swamiji’s discourses very minutely visited us in Faridabad also.After his meeting with Babuji, he suggested me to consider him as a great soul and not only as my father. During one such visit, I came to know through newspaper that Swami Shwaroopanandji was at Badrikashram during that period. We drove to Badrikashram very next day. It was our third visit to the place. We stayed at his Ashram at Joshimath for one night in transit and then stayed with him at his Ashram at Badrkashram. That was a rare opportunity to interact with him one to one. It was raining all the way there and that made it an adventurous journey and stay over there. Since 1987, Babuji discontinued to come down to Swargashram due to ill health. But I had in mind to find an opportunity to bring him once again at the place he cherished most. I am happy that it could be possible twice very recently. We could spend one month each time here in spite of all odds so far his health was concerned. It was a great occasion when the whole family was here for two/three days when Sandeep< Minoo and children joined us. He seems to be very much satisfied to find our inclination and interest towards preaching of Swamiji. Every time I come here I take some resolutions to be followed and adopted. And I feel its impact in life and daily routine but not up to the mark. Progress is slow but towards positive end. My gradual withdrawal from routine domestic affairs to hand over the lead to Sandeep and Minoo is one of the positive outcomes. I could control to react through transcendence to some extent. I could learn to know how to watch my own feelings from at a distance with less reaction. I am a bit alert now not to hurt any one through my act. My expectancy from the world has started diminishing gradually to bring harmony in contacts. It is a self imposed choice and challenge, I consider. The ultimate measure of a person is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but at the time of challenge and trial. Lourels are rare in life. Misunderstanding and mistrust prevail even in honest relations. Everytime I pledge to compete with myself through better performance. Faith in self is the best and safest course. And I earn that failh in self gradually here. Two days are left in my return. I have almost covered highlight of my Swargashram visits so far. I wish to continue my visits. I wish if my parents and all kins and friends come here regularly. Sameep in particular likes to come here again and again.Today Swamiji came out of room to the audience for a little while. He did not want to talk much hence forth. He requested all to remember HIM every moment in whatever possible way. According to him there has been a division of work and assignment in between GOD and us. We have been assigned to remember HIM and HE is to take care of us. During one of our stay at parmarth, we joined a Yoga camp for a week. It was done under the supervision of some specialist from Varanasi. Meditation and pranayam were also part of whole exercise. On the last day Swami Asanganadji, the chairperson of Parmarth Niketan took us, the participants in the camp, to a place a bit away from the main locality near the Ganges. He informed that it was the place being utilized for cremation. We were asked to sit in Sukhasan or Padmasan as per comfort and meditate with close eyes. He led our thoughts to self cremation. He asked us to imagine our own death and there after cremation at this place. Let a pyre be arranged on the bank of the Ganges and our dead body being laid down over it. Then we were to witness in our imagination to get the pyre be fired and gradually our body transformed to ashes and the ashes being thrown away into the pious and ever flowing water of the Ganges. Then he asked us to slowly and gradually come out of meditation and then to sit on the bank to watch the flow of river and flow of thoughts before becoming normal. He took us away from our thoughts and self. It was a unique experience for both of us. On my every subsequent visit I go to the site for some moments, without fail. It is on the way and very near to the Banyan tree under which Jaidayalji Goenka and Swamiji made their discourses for many years. Back home I told all about this episode to Babuji Sandeep and all. I have developed an urge to be cremated at the same place if convenient. Biren and his wife joined us at swargashram for five days during this stay.They also enjoyed the place and programs and decided to come over here every year conveniently. We wanted to extend our program of stay but could not as Sandeep was to go abroad. So only one day was left to return back and wrap up my write up on fifty years of contact with swargashram. This evening when I was playing over harmonium in my room, suddenly a lady entered into. She wanted me to continue with my bhajan. Gradually she became very sentimental and started crying. I was shocked. Soon she became normal and then sang a bhajan on my request. I was interested to ascertain what disturbed her so much but I did not have any opportunity again as it was my last day of stay. Once I met a sadhu during my morning walk on the bank of the Ganges. When I told him about my belonging to Purulia, he shared his rememberance of Purulia which he visited about thirty years ago. Through his description about the place and person who hosted him, I could guess that it was Babuji and his friend Birendra mukherjee. I met a person from Kanpur who came to the place to explore for a week or so but was attracted towards its tranquility and surroundings so much that he did not go back. His wife and only son are in Kanpur and visit him as per their convenience. His first visit to them was after three years only. Krishnaji, a young brahmchari who gave me first lesson on harmonium during my last stay suggested me to consider to living here for good after knowing my family situation as Sandeep was there to look after all business and family. And today Swamiji requested all old persons to consider the same. He further clarified that old meant beyond 60 years of age. I thought I had one plus year still in my hand for consideration. There are many such inspiring instances reflecting in my mind and memory. It connects me to Swargashram even when I am away.I have seen its changing face. It has transformed from a place suitable for sadhus only to a place of great tourist interest. Trekking into Himalayas and water rafting in the Ganges developed it into an international tourist place. Hundreds of foreign tourists live here for months together. Some of them got settled here and at Laxmanjhoola permanently. In recent years Ramjhoola has come up at Swargashram connecting it with Rishikesh. Motorable road has been constructed up to all Ashrams through a barrage across the river. Hundreds of shops and some hotels have come up. Many cybercafé and restaurants are there to cater the needs of visitors. I am a witnessee to these changes but my chief attraction remains its natural surrounding and swamiji’s discourses. I have also gone through thorough change in due course which is very much visible in appearance. But the changes inside can be felt by me only. Hopefully I am to continue with my connection to this great place in future also