REKINDLE THE SPARK WITHIN

In one of our Rotary meetings, many years back, some eminent speaker made a suggestion that everyone should try to find time to write about him self conveniently. That would enable him to evaluate his life and also let his spouse, children and close ones to know him in a better way later on. Its altogether a different experience to peep into own life. At the time of happenings, incidents may be pleasant or unpleasant, sweat or horrifying, its always thrilling when we window view through our memories. A child gets excited viewing even ruins. Same is with us when we look into our past; it comes to us in afresh appearance. My friend Biren also made similar suggestion at times when we used to evaluate some sweat and harsh memories to put them into black and white. At those moments, I used to think otherwise that writing on ones own life is for great personalities to inspire others at some critical situation. But some unexpected developments at this juncture of life made me to try to look into my own life since my memories could go and hence this humble beginning.

Rtn.Nitish Lahiri was the first Indian elected to be the president of Rotary International. He could not serve his full term unfortunately due to sad and sudden demise. His theme of the year was REKINDLE THE SPARK WITHIN. Let me begin with the same. It all took off because some one rekindled the spark within me. I feel, as we grow old, life becomes static and run on routine. We need rekindling to be jubilant and recharged. But what rekindled me to be jubilant was perhaps not expected neither likely to be accepted by even the person who unknowingly did it.

Life had become, of late, prison of circumstances. It brought both leisure and a measure of detachment from routine work. For my own interest and for family interest, I have come far away from my native place and friends. Its fragrance had dried down .I was miserably placed lonely and sharing of in-depth thoughts with some one intimate was not around. With all harmony prevailing in family, though I was placed in a very comfortable situation, life was so dull and static. Earlier I had led a different kind of life, always amongst family members and some very intimate friends always available on call. I missed all such situation here.

I had faced similar situation at times. But God had been kind enough to take care to introduce or revive something like that to make life meaningful .The spark within me always persists, but someone would rekindle it so deeply, I was never aware of and that overwhelmed me. I got inspired to know myself and I found a way to present myself before someone and to try to see myself through her eyes.

I don’t know how far I will be able to recollect and write about. When I try to recollect, I find a lot still remain through memories, some very distinct and some blurred. A few years back, I visited Dwarkaji in Gujarat, where I had gone earlier when I was three years old. And I could describe something about its seashore recollecting out of my vision of that time. So, many things, happenings, sweet or sour are in stock, but to express them in writing, I doubt, I will be that expressive. Then it may depend on persisting mood and undisturbed opportunities too. But an honest try has to be made. It will enable me to understand myself. And it will enable some one whom I want to understand me in right perspective. It will also provide a creative and meaningful engagement to self.

Well, right forth, I have another time bound assignment in hand. I am to address the Rotaract club of Purulia on the occasion of silver jubilee year. Yes Rotaractors are very close to my heart. I could not deny them. Only YOUTH and LOVE comes to mind what I am to speak about on the occasion. Let me judge myself once that assignment is over on 20th July for which I am leaving for Purulia on 16th.Thereafter I am sure to take up this again.

I had avoided to becoming key speaker or chief guest in such gatherings, but this time I was under special influence. Of course it was Rotaractors call, I would have denied still, but the change of guards within me in recent past, carried me to be amongst the youth, to interact with youth, to express myself before the youth as my source of thrill was also my feelings for an unknown and simple youth around me.

I enjoyed my presence in Rotaract meet, their planning and action, their youthful leadership and fellowship .They also appreciated my involvement and shared my thoughts with interest. And all through I felt grateful to the person who inspired me to take up this task as well as to think over to pen down my past.

Faridabad, 12th July 2002

PREFACE

Year 2006 is crawling in its last fortnight. The world is getting ready to welcome another new year with fresh hopes and aspirations and resolutions. At my end, things changed drastically and life took U turn. On 8th November, I was operated upon for a tumor around throat and on 14th November, it was reported to be malignant. Presently I am under radiation treatment facing severe health problems as a result. Life runs on hopes. And so we do hope life to be again on track after treatment by the end of January.

Earlier I have completed my write ups on and around self in October with no clue of its fate. My idea was, perhaps to hand it over to Sandeep and Sangeet for them to decide about it and its fate. But my experience on the first day of IMRT RADIATION inspired me to write its preface and name its title. It was a dreadful experience to be isolated for 25 minutes with tight mask on my face in the radiation room. I felt so suffocated that I wanted to discontinue the treatment. The doctor persuaded and convinced me to try once and permitted Sandeep to be with me in the room with some protective clothes. But I was not comfortable with the idea of keeping Sandeep in the radiation room where even doctors or technicians do not stay during radiation. So I took the shelter of ever available almighty. During full duration I thought of Him and his graciousness provided to me in last sixty years. To start with I thanked him that I was born in such a great country to so admiring parents. I was blessed to belong to such hard working and value based dynasty of Thakurdasji. I remembered my great grand mother and grandmother and cherished sweet memories spent under the umbrella of their innocent love during early years of my life. It took me to my schooling and college days and thanked Him for providing so admiring teachers and professors who guided and helped me, at times, even out of way .It reminded me of all my friends from early years up to date and I was delighted to ascertain that all those friendships were based for the cause of love and affection only without having any self interest or motive. I was overwhelmed to think of His graciousness in fixing up my soul mate, Shobha and thereafter blessing us with Sandeep and Sangeet, who are as genius as Thakurdasji would have loved to have down the line in his dynasty to carry on his legacy with sincere work and honesty. While I was thanking Him for carrying the family through three health oriented crisis where in Babuji,Bai and Shobha were the victims at one or other time ,the humming sound of radiation machine stopped .Doctors came rushing to release me and thereafter I used to pass through such experience on each radiation so far. And today was the 14th out of scheduled 33, to be completed on 12th January, if goes on without interruption. I have started feeling weak, complexion getting darker, tongue and throat infected so badly that drinking of water is very painful. It is very painful to even talk, so I am more or less confined to silence from yesterday.

Pondering upon my first day’s experience during radiation, some thoughts about facts of life clicked in mind. Each journey corresponds to one more step in one’s knowledge of world and of one’s own life and personality. As the universal rule, I came alone in this world and when my time comes, I am to leave this world alone. But in between, during stay over here, I am never alone. I AM BECAUSE YOU ARE. I am a son because you are my caring parents. I am an Indian because you are my great country. I am a student as because you were my teachers. I am a brother because you are my intimate sister. I am a husband as you are my so sweet wife. I am papa as because you are my lovely beta and beti. I am a friend as a result of you all being my friends. I am BADE SIR because you all are working with me. If I am a lover, it is because you all love me. I am dadaji because you both are my closest-to-heart grandsons. I am a bird lover because of my pet parrot. And the list goes on. So, WHAT I AM, it is the result of WHAT YOU ARE in relation to me. Though the journey began in isolation and will end in loneliness, my life and character or personality has been built up through my relation with you all. The base is the RELATION, I conclude.

Under the light of this conclusion, I found that RELATION is the key subject of my write ups. Life is an adventure. And I have experienced and am in the process of my navigation through this adventure. Let me therefore present my memories under the title of ADVENTURE IN RELATIONSHIP.

I am grateful to all, who developed relationship with me in one or other capacity and bestowed unqualified love upon me. It is high time now to focus towards the greatest relationship. Let us try to be honestly responsive to the clarion call of Lord Krishna- MAMEKAM SHARANAM VRAJA, which can only be achieved through the principles of VASUDEVA SARWAMITI.

Faridabad, the 19th December 2006.