It is October 2003. After spending a month on the bank of holy Ganges at Swargashram, we were on way back home. Around mid way FM channels started functioning. I could tune to it after a month. All old melodies were on the air to start with. Those were the songs of post 1950 era. That carried me to my childhood days. I got inspired to ponder into it. It is said and very truly said that the child is father of man. Let me find out that father in my childhood through memories of situations, happenings, persons in contact that must have influenced standing and character what I am today.
It is very natural that the first person in contact should be my mother BAI as I call her. I was born to one of the most charming and gracious woman that I have ever seen so far. Indeed all mothers are gracious to their wards. My consideration here is not limited to her standing as my mother only but as a woman in general. She belonged to Calcutta and got married to Babuji at the age of 12. Later I could know that she was babuji’s second wife, first one died earlier unfortunately. She was also from Calcutta and was equally gracious, I was told. My grandfather also died before bai’s arrival to our family without having being blessed with any grand child.
Though Bai belonged to Calcutta, the marriage was sermonized at Dehri-on-Sone, a small town in Behar on the bank of river Sone. Her grand father had a resort there popularly known as DAGA BANGLOW. He was very dynamic and was man of principles. I did not have any chance to see him but had some sweet memories of my staying at the resort for a few days with my nanaji later on. I along with Goura went there to see ailing nanaji there when I was in class nine. He died after a few months. He had close contacts with Bangurs, the then imminent industrialist. I have hazy memories of visiting Bangur House with him on holidays to play chess.
In the fourth year after her marriage she was blessed with my birth. I was born at Calcutta but was brought up at Purulia only.
With this background and being from Calcutta, Bai was open and smart from the beginning at that tender age. I have seen her playing carom, cards, badminton etc when I was five or so. She was always keen to be neatly dressed and to keep me cleanly dressed. We had two gardens at Purulia and she used to take interest in gardening within limited time frame. We had horse cart and I used to accompany her to garden in it. She was very particular about my studies and cleanliness from very beginning. Though there were not up dated schools nor attendance was that mandatory, she never allowed me to bunk on any account. I used to get scolding and even beatings at times if I intended to absent from school or home tuition. I feel that I used to be treated harshly for trivial reasons only to make me more disciplined. My grandmother used to protect me and so I was very close to her.
Bai’s life was also not that smooth to start with may be because of being babuji’s second wife or because of her a bit modern out look or because of the then prevailing system. I have some uncomfortable memories of such situation that might have influenced my behavior to some extent in later part of life. We were from very orthodox family. Strict ghunghat was being observed by female members. Babuji was the only male member with my great grandmother, grandmother, bai and me to constitute the family. My only bhua died at very early age before my birth. She died at Kurukshetra of snake biting.
I have seen Bai serving the family with great devotion and patience. I don’t know why she could not keep that patience while dealing with me. Perhaps she was over protective and had high expectations from me .At that tender age, she could learn many creative things like specialized cooking, repairing of pearl ornaments, weaving of sweaters etc. She always used self stitched clothes. Reading good spiritual books was her hobby. We have a library of hundreds of religious books. She found time to go through them. She took life as learning platform. That’s why she continued to learn innovative and creative things even at late age. Of late she started studying books on homeopathy treatment and soon became very popular as practitioner in near by community. She used to sing soothing bhajans with my grandmother. As per the prevailing system even bahu did not talk with their mother in law. In spite of that she had very intimate and respectful cordial relation with my grandmother. Grandmother used to get up quite early at around 3.30 am. Bai also followed her and still she gets up so early in the morning even at this age. Her main motto of life was to serve others in what ever way possible. When my grandmother fell ill and was confined to bed for a year or so, she along with babuji was always by her side all around without having a comfortable sleep for months together. So far my grandmother was there, I was more attached to her. I used to spend more time with her. I used to sleep with her only. She died when I was 11 years old. Thereafter I got more attached to Bai. Those beating and scolding got transformed to love and love only and that is being prevailed till date. When I was three years old, she gave birth to a little baby .But she could survive for few hours only. When I was five years, my little sister, Goura was born. Thereafter I was taken care by my grandmother and Bai was involved with little baby.
Bai had to adjust a lot. She came from a big family. They were five sisters and two brothers. Here at Purulia, she had babuji, his mother and grandmother only to start with. From Calcutta to Purulia it self was a great change for adjustment. Initially no one was around to talk with her. Purulia was a very rustic town. More over ours was a very orthodox family. Life must have been very monotonous and suffocating for her to start with. My arrival must have cheered her a lot. After my grandmother’s death, she took full charge of the family. She had two little kids and lots of roaming relatives to manage in addition. But she never allowed her creativeness to get diluted. She learnt how to manage home, cows and calves, gardens, to serve all with smiles, try to instill family values in to her wards, to keep up and develop new relations etc all single handedly. Babuji was very strict and reserved during that period. After grandmother’s death, as I grew I came closer to her. We began sharing our happiness and at times agony also. I tried my best to follow her instructions and to fulfill her desires. Sometimes she wanted to share about the hard life she had been through earlier but I avoided with a fear to loose love, affection and regards for others involved. But I was extra careful to make her cheerful. She won over one and all by her relentless service in need. Gradually she became an icon amongst the mall family. Mother Terressa’s slogan, “HEART TO LOVE AND HANDS TO SERVE” applies fully up on her. Everyone acknowledges her devotion and dedication in serving my grandmother, great grandmother, babuji, other family members or any needy person in and around. Of late when Shobha was seriously ill, she took her under her personal care and custody. It is her care that Shobha got extended life. She never missed a single visit to hospital during chemo therapy and radiation. At home, she took full care of her diet and medication for months together. Shobha herself acclaims that her own mother could not have done that much caring and nourishing.
Being beti and then bahu of privileged family, she had never been charmed by status or wealth. All her jewelry was robbed away in a mischievous robbery at our residence only two months before Goura’s marriage. She took it sportingly as God’s desire. Though she got married at very tender age, she had very few visits to her parents. But she never made any complaint about it considering our family’s needs. She knows how to manage time in the best possible way. That is why she could accomplish all. Still at this advance age, she utilizes all available time very minutely. She is still the most active member of our family taking care of all of us in addition to Babuji’s personal care. Anyone who can follow her even partially will be highly benefited in managing his life. Goura and Sangeet are example of it.
When we moved to Faridabad, she was deprived of all her standing in the community
She had wide range of contact there around. She was engaged in very specific active social routine in addition to family responsibilities. It was again a great sacrifice and adjustment to get settled here. But in course of time, she got tuned to the new environment with new activities in company of generation next very smoothly. She never made any complaint about what she missed away from Purulia. But Purulians always feel her absence very miserably. Once a year she tries to visit Purulia when hundreds of people come to see her within two days of her stay there around. I exactly know that she made this hard decision and persuaded Babuji for the same considering my peculiar situation if we maintain family at two stations. Considering my hardship in roaming in between Purulia and Faridabad, she accepted to live here in a very unusual dependent way. She had developed, in course of time, a large social and family circle there at Purulia. She had her own standing in the community. In addition, she was attached very actively to Shanti Bhawan, an ashram where discourses on Bhagwat Geeta and Ramayan was a daily routine. She was a regular participant there. That provided a platform to develop spiritual values. Ours was a religious orthodox family. It started moving towards spirituality since my parents came into contact with Sri Chaitanya Hariji, a saint from Punjab. Gradually that resulted into construction of Shanti Bhawan where devotees used to meet every morning for SATSANG. It was a routine that was being followed without fail since I was a child. I have witnessed its positive influence on them and through them on the family. Religion put restrictions of various kinds, spirituality opens up to adaptability. It changed their outlook. It had tremendous impact on future standing and values to be followed by the family in due course.
I have three ideal women personalities to worship around. They are Mother Terressa, Smt.Indira Gandhi and of course Bai. I had heard Mother Terressa in Rotary’s Darjeeling Conference very closely. She appeared like a heavenly body. Smt.Gandhi with all her strong leadership provided to the nation and her bold attitude to deal with whatever happened to her in course of time impressed me the most. I had a rare opportunity to be with her for a few minutes. Of late she had developed a bogey of her critical opponents also. When I analyze Bai’s life, not in the capacity of my mother only but as an independent personality within her own range of people and contacts, I find her on top.
MAA, my grandmother was more attached to me than even BAI. May be till I was infant I was taken care of by Bai as usual. But thereafter I was more attached to her. Unfortunately she had lost seven of her children at infant age. Babuji and my only BHUA survived. Bhua also died after giving birth to three children at young age. I was born quite late and was the only child in the family till I was five and Goura was born. So naturally I was the one where she could bestow all her love and care. More over children are supposed to be closer to grand parents.
My first but blurred memory is about my company with her on to a pilgrimage tour to Puri, Dwarkaji and Rameshwaram in east, west and southern coast. I was only three years old and have very hazy memory of two or three particular spots out of the prolonged journey. Sea beach at Dwarkaji, visit to Dhanuskoti by country boat near Rameshwaram, climbing up to Girnar and some waiting time at Bombay railway station where my nanaji met us reflects in memory but not very distinctly. I could never visit Dhanuskoti and Girnar again.
Though my personal bringing up was taken care of by my mother, rest of time and involvement was with grandmother. I used to sleep with her after Goura’s birth. She was a shelter away from Bai’s strict vigilance and scolding at times. She felt helplessness and miserable on my scolding. She had seen her children dyeing one by one. That made her very alert and suspicious about my care. She never allowed me to eat or drink milk before some one. She used to take me to the corner of room for the purpose. Ours was a very big but old house. She had two rooms set for her use in the middle. The first room was used as seating room and the inner room as bed room where I used to sleep with her. She was very religious. She had arranged her pooja in an almirah. She used to get up very early at around 3.30 am. Perhaps it was need of the situation. We did not have bathrooms at that time. There was a well in the court yard. Everyone used to go there to take bath. Women were supposed to get their bath before sun rise, hence the need of getting up so early .It was her routine to sit near the bed and sing a few bhajans and prayer before pooja while I were in sleep. I got used to listen and remember some of those bhajans at that tender age .I often remember her through some of lines of those bhajans, I quote;
Ram Jagya Laxman Jagya Jagya charo bhai……………..perhaps she wanted to inspire all to get up early through these lines.
Har Bina Mori Gopal Bina Mori Kaun Khabar Le……….it indicates her full trust on GOD, no one else can take care of us.
Saligramji Suno Vintee Mori, Yo Vardan Daya Kar Paun …it was her prayer for solo dependence on His blessings only.
It has been more than forty five years that she left for abode and I was only 11 years at that time but these lines still sound in my ears on many occasion and bring tears.
There after she used to offer grains to pigeons at our roof top and bread to street dogs and cows before sitting for pooja. After completion of pooja she must offer pranam to my great grand mother before breakfast. She arranged a small wooden almirah with idols of some God along with her worship place for me to perform my pooja separately. Though babuji used to come to her every morning for pranam, he was very reserved in talking even with Maa. As per the prevailing system Bai too had very little to talk with her, but they both must sit together to sing a few bhajans every evening. So I was the one to be so intimately attached to her. And till she was there, I too wanted to remain mostly in home. I wanted my playmates to come to my place to play with me.
She died at the age of 62 perhaps. My understanding of intimate contacts with her was post 50 years of her age. So she was quite old by all consideration. But I had seen her to be less dependent on others for her needs. One of her habit, I often remember, was to pour water in her plate after eating and to drink all the left over contents. She used to visit local relatives and social contacts in routine to know their well beings. They too used to reciprocate. She was very particular to attend religious functions, kirtans and bhajans.
When I was three she took pilgrim tour through three dhams. She wanted to go to Badrikashram and Kedarnath too as early as possible considering her old age and poor health. Babuji was not in favor of that considering the tough and rough journey. But her determination made babuji to accept her request. Some specific religious day was approaching when she wanted to be at Haridwar for auspicious dip into holy Ganges and then to take over the tough and tedious pilgrim tour to Utrakhand. Perhaps I was in class V. On my return from School, one day I found her ready for the venture along with one responsible staff, cook and others. She embarrassed me and started crying. She was sad with the idea of leaving me and living without me for so long. I too insisted to accompany her. She was apprehensive of babuji’s denial, though she wanted to take me with her. I had to take up the matter with babuji with some determination. He tried his best to persuade me but ultimately and unwillingly agreed. It delighted me and my dearest Maa though at that tender age of 8, I had to take such adventurous and prolonged journey. Within hours we left leaving Bai, Babuji and little Goura there at Purulia. It took us two months to get back home. I intend to write on the tour in some separate write up. Though I was only eight years old, I can visualize its landmarks distinctly.
It was her very timely accomplished wish. Her health never got stable after return to take up such ventures again. But life goes on routine. She was very regular in attending any religious and spiritual program. But gradually her health did not permit for participation. Hence Babuji started arranging such programs at our home occasionally for bhajan, kirtan, satsang ,raaslila etc. Every Sunday one saint popularly known as Bagula baba consented to come down to our home for the purpose, I remember. He had an ashram at Uttarkashi in Himalayas and at Purulia. He was highly educated, learned and very good singer too. Later on once Babuji and Bai visited his Uttarkashi Ashram and I along with Shobha also made to be there once. At Purulia our association with them still continues though swamiji had died about ten years back. Very recently we have installed two computers at their sponsored school. Earlier Babuji sponsored a homeopath clinic through them in memory of Maa immediately after her death.
Maa could not recover from her illness. Purulia did not have good medical facilities. Once she was taken to hospital for X- ray. On return she was unable to go upstairs to her room. It was decided to keep her in ground floor. We did not have any bed room there in ground floor. So a make shift room was arranged. But with her coming to ground floor, we all shifted there even with all inconvenience. Bai and Babuji lived with her in that little room. We all used to sleep in the adjoining business shop in night. Three homeopath doctors used to visit her together every day for consultation and treatment. She was there for a few months and there after got shifted to up stairs conveniently but with no improvement. Babuji did not attend his business for months together. Bai and Babuji made it a point to be with her at all the time. They could not even sleep for months together as Maa was very restless. I could know later that she had cancer.
There after my meeting with her was for a few minutes daily. She did not have the strength to talk to me any more. She used to stare at me and tried to touch me during those meetings. Gradually she was moving to destiny, per haps I did not have any idea about that. One after noon when I was in my class, some one came to call me back home. I found her lying with all relatives around chanting RAM RAM. I was taken to her. She opened her eyes for once, looked at me and could not hold her eyes open. I rushed to Babuji’s room and started praying for her life. Within minutes, I heard people crying. I came out to see her being carried to down stairs. She had taken her last breath. That was my first interaction with death. All preparation were made for her cremation hurriedly as cremation was to be performed before sun set. It was my first visit to our burning ghat. Later I could know that it was our personal burning ghat. Previously it was maintained as garden. When the first death occurred in Mall family, it was converted as burning place. I saw some monuments there in name of my great grand father and grand father and family ancestors who died earlier. I was privileged to put the first fire being her only grandson. I was 11 years old.
Maa also belonged to Calcutta. Though the family belonged to Sardarsahar in Rajasthan but they had migrated to Calcutta long ago. I had seen her step mother and step brother ie.babuji’s mamaji and naniji. Mamaji Late Nathmal mimani was very simple and noble person. He was of almost Babuji’s age. His care for our family was remarkable. He used to visit us occasionally and in need. He was very supportive to babuji and all concerned.
My bhua died at an early age. Her one son and daughter were brought up by Maa. As a child I loved them as my sister and brother. Didi was married to Sri A C Maheswari of Amritsar, when I was about 7/8 years. Later I developed a wonderful intimate relation with him. I intend to write about that subsequently.
Didi used to come to Maa in between after marriage. She was blessed with two sons and a daughter within Maa’s life time at Purulia and with one son and daughter later at Amritsar. Her brother Purusottam dasji also lived with Maa for some years. We used to share Maa’s love, affection and care along with her room and bed when ever they were there. There was a chest in her room where she used to keep her ornaments though I had never seen her using them. There was a cup board by her bed side where she used to keep silverware and a few silver bricks, left over by my dadaji.
Once rites and rituals post her death was over, babuji took charge of her belongings. He was shocked to find a few bricks weighing about 100 kgs missing. With Purusottamji living in the same room and his not that good background, babuji could grasp the unfortunate incident. On being charged and interrogated, he accepted the charge. He further informed where he had sold, which was later confirmed by the purchaser also. Though I was at tender age, I got aggrieved because he betrayed us and our love. And as a result we lost some valuable inheritance. But considering his tender age and Maa’s special attention to him in absence of his mother, babuji allowed him to remain with us after a warning, a great consideration on his part. The best part was that it all happened after Maa’s death.
Maa’s death brought a void in my life even at that age. I was very intimately attached to her. But there after I came closer to Bai. I started sleeping with her and she took full charge of me. But even after 45 years of her death, I missed Maa very much and there comes many such occasion when miserably miss her absence. I was not only attached to her, I was attached to her belongings too. In due course I got her twin rooms renovated and made it my bed room. The Almirah where she used to keep her pooja was left over as it is to remind me of her worshiping memory. When we decided to move to Faridabad, I took care to bring the old colt on which I used to sleep with her, to Faridabad. I am happy to see Sameep using it. It is our heritage. Objects passed on from one generation to another and to yet another, monetary value is meaningless, sentimental value what matters. We had many such heirlooms, which unfortunately we could not preserve. I have my concern to preserve the left over. An ideal heirloom is not necessarily costly. It’s about how much pride you have in the object and how proud your children will be when they receive.
DADIJI, as popularly called by one and all in Mall family and in local community as whole, was my great grand mother. She died at the age of around 104 years in 1962 when I was 16 years old. So I am to share my interaction with her post 90 years of her age. Then she was the oldest person in the community around. Though I could not see my great grand father or even my grand father, I have been fortunate to enjoy company of older people through out.
At my first memory about her, she had bowed down with age and her face was full of wrinkles. She was able to move around within the floor to wash rooms and kitchen with help of a stick. For most of time she used to be sitting on her bed. Though I was close to Maa, I must spend good amount of time with her daily. She used to call me BHAAIYA. It was my habit to lie down by her side on her bed talking about my great grand father and their early days. Many times she used to take my support for her movement. Gradually she lost her visibility and had to be confined on bed. She used to put her fingers into my curling hairs to recognize my identity after losing her sight. Being eldest, she was visited by Mall family members and others very regularly.
It’s through her that I could know how my great grand father came to Purulia and earned the present status practically from nothing. For many years she lived in Deshnok with her husband living so away to this part of country struggling for livelihood. She had stored some of the items which dadaji used to sell as hawker to start with. I don’t know where about of those articles. They would have been important monuments for us.
At that time, average age of women in India was 32 years. It was amazing that she died at the age of 104. For such prolonged life she had to bear with deaths of her two sons, daughters and daughter in law. On this account her life was pathetic. That made her more concerned about Babuji’s and my health. She always wanted us to be around her. That is why she was not informed about my shifting to Ranchi for graduation. Instead, I used to visit her every week and spend most of the time with her. She used to complaint about my not meeting her very regularly. One of my uncles was asked to proxy for me but she could make it the difference through my curly hairs.
I shifted to Ranchi in August 1961. For more than a year it went on like this. Every week end I used to spend two days of week end at Purulia. Though that disturbed my studies as well as mental stability, I was happy to spend time with her. It was a happy coincidence that she died during pooja diwali vacation when I was in Purulia .She was getting weaker and was having light fever for a few days. I was on to my evening walk with my friend when I was called back home. She was on babuji’s lap and took her last breath within minutes without any hustle. She had a peaceful death at that age. Her death at this age of 104 was treated by the Mall family and relatives as celebration, which I could not digest or appreciate. Death of some one so dear is always a severe blow irrespective of age, I understand. But as per the privileged system reserved for her only, all family members and close contacts and associates enjoyed the feast offered and arranged in her name for thirteen days as PRASAD. I returned back to Ranchi after all ceremonies being over. That left a vacuum in the family with only Bai, Babuji and Goura left over there.
BABUJI comes next to bai, maa and dadiji to my childhood. Perhaps because of his reserved and very strict disciplined way of imparting love and affection during that phase of my life. He was second youngest amongst his nine brothers and sisters, who died unfortunately at very infant age. Only his younger sister Asha could survive to be blessed with one son and two daughters. But she too died before my birth. On this account, my grand parents had miserable life. Thus all their hopes and aspirations were on Babuji and his health. That is why Babuji was taken to various astrologers, pandits and sadhus for blessings during his childhood. They were concerned about his future and wanted to ascertain through his horoscope also. That made him to come in contact with many saints at an early age. His interest in meeting such people remained in tact till date.
Being one child survived out of lot and early demise of his father made him so reserved, monotonous and arrogant perhaps, though he was very naughty as a child, to start with, as he told later. No one amongst his siblings could match his naughtiness. He was either not interested in regular schooling or the circumstances deprived him of it, but he went to school only up to class four. Our business establishment was flourishing when he was born. The struggle time was over. His grandfather Thakurdas ji along with his elder brother got their establishment M/s Jainaraindas Thakurdas stabilized and flourished through hard time and work. There after it was divided and my grandfather Badrinarain ji was in charge of M/s Thakurdas Badrinarain. It had become one of the pioneer business establishments in the region. Babuji’s grandfather Thakurdas ji died when babuji was five year old. Being only child of one of the wealthiest family, Babuji had royal early life. He developed adamant type of nature. A personal care taker was always at his service. By that time, dadaji had bought many properties in addition to his own huge residential house. With less interest in studies, he was made to get training in family business at the age of twelve. He got married at the age of fourteen. But before he could get adequate knowledge and authority to manage his business independently, dadaji had sudden death. That day dadaji had an appointment with income tax officer. He returned in evening and felt suffocation while in office. My great grand mother and grand mother rushed to him. He took his last breath before any medical aid could be provided. Babuji was sixteen at that time. His wife was also ailing and died soon there after. He got remarried next year. After a year or so his only sister died. These unfortunate happenings had an ever lasting impact on babuji. He became reserved, introvert and felt unsecured. That made him overcautious too. He was caring but with less intimacy. He was the only male member in the family to support his old mother and grand mother and to manage his business, properties and wealth. This situation must have influenced his life and nature. Fortunately close relatives and loyal staff were there to support him and his working to stand up to need of demanding situation. His mamaji Nathmalji mimani and Rambuxji Rathi were the two main pillars to provide him the much needed strength. He got remarried at the age of eighteen and was blessed with my birth after three years or so. Same year, perhaps to celebrate my birth, he added a few properties. He bought a house at Bikaner and got it renovated. He constructed an extension to our residential house and added one floor to our business premises. He bought a big land at the outskirt of town which was later on developed as farm house and garden by my mother. He bought a horse cart as mode of transport for himself and family members.
When I grew to understand and realize family life to some extent, I found myself attached to my mother, grandmother and great grand mother. My interaction with babuji was almost none existing. I found him talking very less even with his mother. I was later informed how situation transformed him from a naughty and vibrant child to very reserved, sensitive and apprehensive youth. Even my birth could not bring positive cheers to his routine. All were not happy with this attitude but could not help, though my grandmother tried to fill up this void by her loving guardianship. My arrival must have brought some pleasant changes to my mother’s life. She must have found a purpose to cheer with. I was never allowed to be present before babuji when ever he was amongst his friends or relatives or visitors. He had some very intimate friends with whom he used to go to gardens on horse cart in the evening very regularly. It was a routine to have leisure time from 6 to 9 in evening after business hour for refreshing and outings. They used to assemble at our home to play carom at times. That way he had his own circle to enjoy life and friendship during evening and on Sundays. After dinner he along with staff would assemble for accounting purpose. Thereafter he used to spend half an hour with his friends and cousins before retiring for the day. There was no electricity in Purulia till I was four. A country made fire place was used to keep a glass of milk hot for him before his retirement at mid night. Once his bed caught fire, but he could manage to get us out safely.
After construction of extension, he used to have two bed rooms, one in the eastern most and the other in western most portion of house. During summer he used to live in the eastern part and in winter in the western part. He had kodak camera, a golden watch and a golden parker pen. That indicates his royal way of life to start with when his father was alive. Then unfortunate situations changed him a lot. He became conservative and very safe player. He wanted to play very safe in business too. He wanted to put strict discipline in expenditures too. Those were days of very typical rustic life. We had family Kabiraj, who used to visit us daily for health check ups and to provide aurvedic medicines. We had family barber who used to visit us on call for hair cut of Babuji and me. Hair cut was hard time for me to tolerate his scolding. He used to insist for very short hair where as I wanted to have long hairs. I had very attractive curly hairs. There was a fixed cobbler to make slipper and shoe for us as per babuji’s instruction. There was a fixed tailor, Noor Mohammad to stitch our dresses. He would buy cheapest possible clothes from whole sellers. He would involve himself with Noor to utilize the cloth available in best manner. Our home did not have bulb more than 15 watt to conserve electricity bill. More over babuji was very particular to put off unnecessary light at any time. I was never given any pocket money for petty expenditure. Such conservative attitude must have made life miserable in particular that of my mother. But we were forced to learn to live disciplined life.
Kashinath sir was our family teacher. He had taught Babuji too. He was then head master of Bhajnashram Sikha Samity’s primary school. His residence and school were on five minutes walk on either side of our home. Babuji,s involvement was over once I was handed over to Kashinathji. It was his duty to take me to school and bring me back home. In addition he would come for home tuition. Main emphasis was on improving writing and table learning. After grooming for two years in primary school under Kashinathji, I was admitted in to class 4 at the middle school section which was about fifteen minutes walk away from home. Bai was to take care about my home studies and /or preparation for school. I never remember babuji asking me about my studies or related information. With less interaction in between, I had rare scolding from him. Once I used his parker pen and damaged it beyond repairs. That was for the first time that I was treated black and blue by him. And once I had gone on to long trip on cycles with friends without informing. That made him furious to treat me like that on return in evening. Otherwise I was as dear as a son should be.
Situation brings turning points in life. Some unfortunate incidents made him tough, unfriendly and self centered person. Then fortunately he came in contact with some spiritual saints that made him to realize the truth of life slowly and gradually. That brought harmony in family relation too. Both Bai and babuji found a common purpose in life to be contented with. They began to discuss amongst them very often about the real purpose and the ways to achieve it. That brought the much needed closeness amongst them. That made babuji more vocal, sentimental, friendly, forward and open in relation to others. It brought the much needed positive socialization in family. Though he appears to be hard nut to crack, how affectionate we are to him, I could realize through his first letter written to me when I was in class 10. My nanaji died. Bai had to go to Calcutta and I followed her a few days later. We had to extend our stay over there for a few days for some social reason. He wrote that first letter then. Though it was addressed to me, its contents were specifically for Bai. He conveyed his attachments towards us and wanted us to be back immediately as he missed us miserably and was annoyed for the extension. There after he began writing me occasionally. ‘TO LNM, SHUBHASHIRWAD’ he used to begin with. Down many years, perhaps his address inspired me to promote my company in this name.
During this visit to Calcutta, I happened to see the first romantic movie DIL DEKE DEKHO. I was fourteen years and it was my maiden interaction with romance that too through a movie. I could feel its impact for many years down my life. Within a year I was in college after matriculation. Though it was a co educational institute, we had single girl student in our class who too joined after three months of commencement of session. She was ELECTRA from Calcutta. She happened to share the same table during biology practical. We used to share smiles and glances but talked very rarely. Once she was absent. I missed her in class. On knowing that she had gone to Calcutta, I rushed to Calcutta without knowing her address. All my efforts to search her through streets, buses and trams in Calcutta went in vain. After three days I returned hopelessly. I was delighted to find her on Howrah station platform to board train for Purulia. She asked me about my arrival and purpose of visit. I could not dare to tell her the truth. Within months we appeared in examination. There after she left for Calcutta. She could not get through and we never met again. Later on I could know that even being Bengali, she married a punjabi guy. But she made me to understand the thrill of romance even from at a distance.
After appearing in that examination, Raman, me Bai Babuji and Goura went for a long vacation to Rishikesh, Swargashram. That was my first long vacation with Babuji. We all lived in a small room for a month or so. That brought me close to Babuji. Leaving him at Swargashram, I alongwith my friends Nandu and Raman went to Mussoorie for a week. On arriving at Mussoorie, I got carried away by the fancy of crowd there around to start with. I got lost in the mod young crowd. I belonged to very rustic place like Purulia. We arrived at Mussoorie in evening and two hours on the Mall was altogether great and different experience for me. I was amongst the most fashionable crowd of Delhi and Punjab gathered there in holiday mood. I received unexpected smiles, comments, greetings, push and pull from the movers on the Mall. I should have but could not enjoy it Perhaps I was too young to reciprocate and too rustic to face the situation. So I wrote a lengthy letter to Babuji describing Mussoorie. Next day I took a round of Mussoorie into the hills, forests and silence valley on other side of Mall. I got enchanted with the beauty of nature surrounding the hill. I wrote a letter to him sharing my feelings again. He received the first letter and immediately rushed to me to take stock of the situation. I took him around wandering amongst the clouds surrounding the hills and explained all about. He left next morning satisfied and allowed me to enjoy for a week or so. Thus our relation got so transparent to share all. This continued when I was in hostel for next three years as per the need of situation. Though he never visited me in hostel but would share all that was needed. He permitted me to continue my studies till I intended to. It was my option to discontinue after my marriage. Though he wanted me to marry early but never forced for the same. For marriage proposal, he always persuaded me to see and decide independently. He did not go to Nagpur to see Shobha when her proposal came. Instead he persuaded me to take my own decision. Though I was only 19 years, he left it entirely upon me. Later on, during all family marriages of Goura, Sandeep and Sangeet he relied on me entirely. He was great believer in destiny. He used to advocate “KARNE ME SAWDHANI, HONE ME PRASANNTA. Though physically weak due to obesity, his inner strength is his trust on GOD and destiny. That is why one finds him always cheerful. He never got down and disturbed during so many family turmoil. The greatest test of his patience was the robbery that took place at our residence two months before Goura’s marriage. In today’s value it must be of very big amount. But it did not let him down. He never disclosed its value to any one. I am not that strong mentally. But he is my strength. When ever I am down with uncertainity of future, he instills the needed strength in me. At this age even, I don’t know how to face life without him.
His lonely childhood and untimely demise of his father made him very conservative, I was told. But my understanding about him is totally different. He has always been open to new ideas but with great concern and over protective cautions. That has made our family an ideal one. Our graph of prosperity always kept moving upward gradually since generations by following his adopted principles. I have witnessed fluctuating fortunes around, but we kept steady growth and stability. Credit goes to his planning, savings and ever contented approach. He is considered to be an orthodox and conservative sethji, but circle of his friends narrate a different story. Biruda and Shiwbhagwanji belonged to very low middle class family. Bhagirathji, whom I considered as my babaji, was from a very low profile family, specialized in cooking. He has friends from different cast and creed such as Marwaris, Bengalis, Sardarji, Brahmins etc. Out of three Punjabi families in Purulia, he had sardar Kesharsingh as friend who got shifted to Punjab now. He considered Biruda and Bhagirathji as his elder brother. Of late he developed close contacts with Sri Kanhaiyalal Lohia, a small retailer and a young pandit to share discussions on Geeta. He never considered financial status for developing relationship or friendship. Considered to be orthodox, he was the first in Mall family to permit me to select my spouse independently and he fought against all odds to remove parda system from the family. He was the first father in Mall family to talk and write letters to daughter in law. He put his supportive approval to Madhur and Parul’s inter cast love marriage. He allowed me to go abroad for pleasure trip for two months bearing the mental tension. He further allowed Sangeet to stay in US for four years or so without any prejudice. Only restrictions he put forward, I remember, was for expansion in business. He wanted us to be satisfied and contented with what God provided and to lead a comfortable and simple life within limited means without many luxuries. At times our views differ on some matter but my life kept on building around his priorities. I over ruled his wishes only to make venture at Faridabad considering Sandeep’s career. But he later considered it so kindly to agree to shift to Faridabad considering my inconveniences
I have witnessed his gravity and tolerance to be just amazing. He always stood firm and did not allow us to flatter under pressure of adverse situation. He stood for a very simple life. Till recent, he preferred to wash his under garments and dhoti by him self. He did not have any formal education but his memory was very sharp until recent. His accounting system was very up dated. He is fond of Marwari heavy diet and food. In spite of obesity, he could not compromise on that. But now he eats what we want him to eat but it is too late now.
He has suffered a lot due to obesity and other health problem but he kept his morale very high. In 1971 he had fever for months together and then developed some problem in breathing also. He was sent to Calcutta for investigation. He was advised to go for biopsy of a lump near lungs. He refused to get it done and returned back. But it was a must to ascertain his illness. The concerned doctor sent a note for my consideration. The doctor had some doubt and if it would be positive, Babuji had very limited time at his disposal. He was below 50 at that time. I was at a loss and was no one to share it with me. I persuaded him for biopsy and took him back to Calcutta. But in spite of all efforts and great inconvenience to him, biopsy could not be performed. It was matter of great concern and shock for us all. But he was very calm with the situation. He had complete trust on God and his destiny. He was taken to the doctor who had advised for biopsy about three weeks ago. With no significant change in his health, doctor found no need of biopsy then. He recovered soon through proper medication. He tried to impress up on me to trust on His plans for us.
He made a great deal of adjustment and sacrifice for welfare of family. He left behind all his personal contacts and friends and intimate surroundings for our happiness. He is 81 now. He remains confined to his room mostly with no company other that family members. He is unable to move freely due to obesity and age. I have seen him as the super boss managing his family. It pains me now to see him so silent and reserved. But it’s the way of life. He has accepted it gleefully and he wants me to take it easy. He is more concerned about my feelings. He understands that I am not that strong a person. At times I foresee myself in a similar situation in due course of time. He some times wants to know about our current business. He gets worried at times on the changes in values of life and high family expenditures, but never tries to impose anything on anyone. I get upset at times when I feel that we are not that considerate towards his thought of school. I myself feel that I should spend more time with him.
I have discovered through his life that pain and adversity are powerful vehicles to promote personal growth and strength. On the other side of fear is the fortune. At this moment, I only pray to almighty for his stable health to guide us through.
DADAJI was a short man having quite dark complexion, used to wear half clad dhoti and a white half shirt always. Mostly he used to speak in Bengali, sometimes in rustic Marwari. He could write only in marwari lipi and his writing was difficult to be read by others. He used to write with Santhi kalam, never used pen. He must be around 60 plus when I got to understand a bit of relationship. I don’t know who inspired me to call him dadaji, though he was not related to us but in true sense I always considered him to be my dadaji . My grandfather had died before my birth. His name was Sri Rambux Rathi. He was in charge of sales and purchase in our firm M/s Thakurdas Badrinarain with having full authority. After sad and sudden demise of my grandfather when Babuji was only 16 years plus, he stood firm against the decision of other guardians to keep separate identity of our firm. And then he managed our business with full authority and trust. Karm was his pooja. He had no interest in any other activities including pooja or other religious activities. His only motto or interest was to serve us in uplifting our business. All the customers both buyers and suppliers were satisfied with him and used to deal with him only. He used to arrive at our business place at 7.30 in morning to be there till 6 in the evening with a break of half an hour for lunch etc. During that half hour also brokers, or customers would go to his home .In evening, after one and half hours break, he used to come to our office again for final accounting of the day. During that evening break he must visit Kalimandir in chowkbazar and buy groundnut of 5 paise, which he used to share with me if I was present in office as a child. I had never found him absent until he was seriously ill. He never took leave for light fever, cough or cold. Whenever I went to sales office, he gave me Re one. He used to get a very little amount as salary and never took advance. He gave everything out of his skill to us and managed his family within the limited resources. Every week on Sunday, he would come to my Maa and Dadiji to know if they require any house hold things. During childhood my interaction with him was limited to have one rupee and groundnuts from him. But as I grew, I considered him as my dadaji and he too loved me like that. On some occasions, I went and met dadiji too and she was equally affectionate to me .I never saw him using any thing for his movement such as rickshaw, cycle or car. He was always on his feet. He used to abuse the staff, labors and at times customers too, but all considered it to be his blessings and never got annoyed with him. When Maa and later dadiji died, his presence was of great support to Babuji and family. He was considered to be icon so far food grains, oils and kirana business was concerned. He had no knowledge of English and could not handle phone properly. I still remember his voice…Aei kaloghora bhalo lage na,aami korte pari na…,kaloghora was his substitute for telephone .At that time almost all phones were of black color. He did not know how to say hello over phone. I remember once I had a big altercation with telephone authority when they complained about his mishandling of telephone. In fact, I could never tolerate any insulting attitude towards him. At times later, when Babuji put some restrictions on his free hand buying and selling activities as Babuji was always inclined for limited business, I did not appreciate it and wanted dadaji to manage our business as independently as he wanted. After my matriculation, he wanted me to join business as Babuji was less interested in it. Of late Babuji inclined towards financing business which was never appreciated by him, nor I liked that. He tried to inspire me whenever I was with him during vacations to join business actively, and I assured him to learn it under him after studies being over. After completing graduation when I intended to join law at Ranchi, he was totally against it, but I joined with an assurance that I would be mostly stationed at Purulia with him. Meanwhile I got engaged and marriage was fixed to be performed on 11th May ‘65 at Nagpur. Babuji got fully engaged in its preparation as because dadaji was there to take care of business. For my marriage purpose our business establishment remained closed for 11 days. At the time of departure of Barat for Nagpur, when I found that dadaji was not to be with us, I protested and wanted him to be with us. Babuji informed that he was not well and doctor advised him not to take long journey in that grueling hard summer. I had to accept that reluctantly but I always missed him miserably .I returned from Nagpur duly married and then Bahubhat/ party was arranged on the day we arrived from Nagpur. He did all arrangement when we were away to Nagpur. On that night, he was all through there and offered PAAN to all the invitees and then at 11 in night, he called all the staff and directed them to be present at 7.30 in morning to open the establishment after 11 days. That was my first night with Shobha. We all were so tired that we all went to sleep around mid night and early in the morning around 5 am, I was awakened by Bai and Babuji to inform that dadaji took his last breath at about 4.30 am. I was shocked and horrified and Babuji was stunned. And because of the auspicious ceremony in the family, we were not allowed to attend his funeral. What a destiny and what a devotion! He did his last duty to complete my marriage ceremony and then left in such a way that we did not even have to take trouble to attend his last rites. He was not our family member, but it was decided to cremate him in our private burning ghat as a respect to him. Next morning I was asked by Babuji to open our shops and business etc as a mark to his last will, but Babuji would not go there with me. He had seen dadaji through out his life doing business from that place. Now he could not bear to see the place without him. He forced me to manage the business as per my ability. I knew nothing about business till then. My time to get training under him was yet to come. There was no alternative and I started my career as businessman under that situation .More about my career as businessman will be dealt in some other chapter. After one month, I was allowed to meet his widowed wife or rather my dadiji for condolence. She was only repenting for dadaji untimely death because he had not completed his duties fully. He must have trained me and then should have left for abode. This kind of loyalty is rare and we were the fortunate one to have that. So many years have gone by, his wife is no more, even his only son died, his grandson is there and I only wish him all the best I could do nothing for him and his family. Some people are blessed to be givers only without any reciprocation and he was like that.
GAURA, my sister is five years younger to me. My Childhood write up remains incomplete without her. I don’t have memories of how I loved her or nourished her when she was a little baby. But I must have loved and played with her as I had enjoyed playing with little kids always. When we took prolonged trips to various pilgrim places of Uttarakhand, she was around 3 years old and kept Bai engaged managing her only. I was very close to my grand mother till she was there around. When we grew up a little more, Goura was the only companion with me in home. But we used to quarrel a lot, I remember. Perhaps she could not take it easy that I was a bit senior to her as elder brother. Same is with Divyansh, he considers Sameep at par. Babuji also confirmed that he and his sister also used to quarrel during childhood. Goura was intelligent, brilliant, but was never sincere and good in studies. In fact, girl’s education, in particular in our community was not encouraged. Of course there was a Hindi medium girl’s school in our home town but girls used to discontinue studies around class 9 for marriage purpose. I was inclined for her matriculation and tried my best to support and help her within my capacity .It was the first batch that appeared in finals from that school, but she could not pass or rather failed miserably. Moreover she was not interested in domestic works also. In my case, if I had asked for a glass of water, she would refuse directly. She was 6 years old when our grandmother died. She must have memories of her death and subsequent death of great grand mother. Babuji had been advised by all elder members of mall family to get her married before she attained womanhood. My self and Bai were not in that favor and avoided any proposal for her marriage. On my return from Ranchi after graduation, all efforts began to find suitable match for we both. All were inclined for her marriage first, but I wanted her to be with her would be Bhabhi for some time to build an intimate relation and then get married. And though I had seen a few boys for her but could not find a match up to my satisfaction. Meanwhile, I tried my best for her education and interest in sports. She could learn playing carom and nothing else. But she had a lot of friends and was very popular amongst them .She had been brought up under Bai only, so got inclined towards satsang, bhajan etc. Well, first I got married and she got an opportunity to develop very intimate relation with Shobha. I don’t know why, but I did not take her in my Barat to Nagpur and as she told later that she kept crying all through my marriage. But after getting her bhabhi, she was happy. After my marriage being fixed up, her marriage was our top priority. When Jhumeritelaiya proposal came, I along with Babuji and his friend went to Telaiya to look into it. It was a coincidence that Omji was doing his post graduation from Ranchi living in the same hostel which I had left a year back after graduation. He could narrate a lot of incidents about me during my stay over in the hostel. That made us pre acquainted about each other. We decided to be in contacts even if this proposal failed to come up. Then he came to Purulia from Ranchi to see Goura. Omji had slight dark complexion. Goura was a bit hesitant. More over Jhumeretilaya was a small place with very few modern amenities. But I persuaded her with my observation about Omji and family and she agreed to. On 13th february 1967 she got married at Purulia. It was a nicely celebrated marriage though two months prior to that, a dreadful robbery took place in our home to mar the mood a bit. About her Vidai, I have already written somewhere else. Sandeep was 7 months old at the time of her marriage.
She found the surroundings there at her in law’s place all together different as it happens in all cases. Ours was a very small and compact family whereas that was a big family. Family tradition wise also she found vast difference .It was great efforts on her part to get settled there in new environment. But her training under Bai made her successful. Out of many odds, ultimately she got praised from one and all. But it was adjustment with great exercise on her part, no doubt. She had a prolonged hard life on different accounts. We could not help by any means. Nor we try to interfere in such cases till it’s very alarming. Many a times, interference from parent side brings more disturbances. So we watched and relied on destiny. She was blessed with Madhur and later with Rachana in due course .In between she gave birth to a baby who died within few days. Madhur’s love affair with Parul and ultimately happy ending to marriage took its toil for years. Then Rachana’s not that smooth settlement at in laws place and ultimate settlement in US was also not that smooth .And now to get settle in Faridabad indicates the continuous struggle she is having. Her grand daughter Vansika is underdeveloped and has to be nourished through out. This is life. I wish that she gets settled at Faridabad nicely so that we live together and near by taking care in need. She did not have smooth sailing initially as I had, but by continuous satsang and interactions with Bai, she has learnt to face the situation more intelligently.
Yes, we used to quarrel in early days, but our relation as developed later, was unique. Jhumeritelaiya not being far away from Purulia, we tried to see each other as often as possible .In fact, during my frequent trips in between Delhi and Purulia, she used to come to Koderma station even for two minutes to see me very often. We are too close to share each others sorrow and happiness. And it’s a boon that Shobha and Goura are more like friends. Though nature wise each person differs and each one has own priority, I and omji have developed fine tuning in between like friends. When I had my days of struggle here at Faridabad, she was altogether passing through similar situation but everyone has to play his own part and that’s what we did. But mentally we are very close and yes no quarrel any more. I always found her by my side whenever needed and I try to be with her when she needs. We had some very pleasure trips together to Puri, Badrinath kedarnath and Swargashram. Our earliest trip was to Dehri –on- sone to see our ailing nanaji there when I was 12 and she was 7 years old. With her family and business already shifted here, I hope to have great intimate times with her. Both of us will feel strengthened by each others presence and more availability. Moreover, Bai Babuji and Shobha are also very happy to find her company available around. I wish her the best in life.
KAKIJI was wife of my grandfather’s younger brother, Nathmalji mall. Thus she was babuji’s aunt, but we all called her KAKIJI. She got married with Nathmalji at the age of 11 years when Nathmalji was 14 years. Unfortunately Nathmalji died within few months after marriage. So Kakiji was child widow. She lived with her brothers in Calcutta for many years visiting Purulia very occasionally. As a child I would see her on my Calcutta visit with Bai once in blue moon. After my grandmother’s death, she began extending her stay over here with us and gradually shifted considering our family situation. After my great grand mother’s death in 1962, she was the eldest member in our family. She was very affectionate and soon became part and parcel of family. She was not in good health. It was obvious as she had suffered a lot since very childhood. She had two brothers but both did not have any male child. More over her elder brother died within few years after her shifting to Purulia. So she bestowed all her love and affection up on me, the only male child around her. Later she lost her eye sight and had mild heart attack. There after she lived with us permanently. That made our life very comfortable and we too were very caring towards her. In fact she provided the much needed guardianship to the family for next twenty years. In spite of having been gone through such tough time, she was very humorous and ever smiling. She filled up the vacuum resulted due to sad demise of Maa and Dadiji. Her presence was a great support to Bai and family in particular when we had to be away for some or other reasons and during family ceremonies such as my and Goura’s marriage. In between Sandeep was born. How unfortunate she was that she could not see Shobha or Sandeep. But God was gracious. One doctor came from some place in Behar. We took it as miracle that he cured her eye by performing a simple operation at our home only. It was a great occasion when she could see the world once more after so many years of blindness. That made a very positive impact in her as well as family’s life. She was very active now and could take better care of the family. But it was not to last long. Within one year of sight restoration, she got severe and multiple fractures which could never be cured and she could never walk any more. She had to crawl all along for her needs there after for years but that did not take away her smiles and jolly mood. She was very accommodating. When we put Sandeep into hostel, she accepted it as family decision. We would see Sandeep twice a week. She could meet him only in vacations. She was not in a position to move, but she never got annoyed for that. For all her requirements and treatment, she always accepted my suggestions and never over ruled me. It was a wonderful instance of caring and mutual trust with a person who spent 50 years in isolation and away from us.
As she had to be confined within home, visitors were always welcome to her. She would talk with them in detail. She would like to enjoy company of even my friends and younger generations. She was very particular about her health care and was self dependent in taking medicines timely. Once or twice a year she would be seriously ill but would recover through fixed set of treatment by our family doctor. Each time I would request my doctor to prolong her life for next ten years as I did not find myself strong enough to bear her departure. But after Sandeep’s matriculation examination, she fell ill when Bai and babuji were away to Swargashram. I thought that she would recover as usual. But doctor wanted me to call back my parents. Her time was running short. They were telegraphically informed. She was not responding to treatment as before. I requested her not to betray as bai Babuji were not around. She stopped talking and stared at me helplessly as if wanted my permission to say good bye. I along with my friends Shiwji, Janki, Shobha with little Sandeep and Sangeet were with her on that last night. Early in the morning I found her very rest less. I presumed that she was waiting for my permission. Whole life she did what I wanted her to do. She never disappointed me. I realized intensity of her pain. With folded hands, I prayed and released her as I could not tolerate her painful plight. Within a moment she stared at me and took her last breath as if she was waiting for my permission. Babuji was informed through some messenger sent from Delhi immediately. They got this sad information around the same time when her pyre was set on fire by me and Sandeep here at our burning ghat. They did offer the last TARPAN to Kakiji on the bank of Ganges and left for Delhi en route to Purulia.
This was third death in the family that I had witnessed. At the time of Maa and Dadiji’s death I was too young to offer my hairs as per the prevailing tradition and system. I had very attractive and curly hairs. Kakiji assured me not to deprive of those hairs at her death. But situation compelled me to go for MUNDAN as I was the one to perform last rites with Babuji away to Swargashram. On third morning after her death, Bai and Babuji arrived and took charge of the situation. I kept my self well composed until they arrived.
On the thirteenth day, Sandeep’s result was out. He passed matriculation with first division. For record, we both, father and son passed matriculation with first division. We both did our preparation studying in Kakiji’s room with her presence around. And during these 22 years, no one from our Mall family could get first division. Unfortunately she was not there to share this happy information. An era got away with her death. Babuji lost his only guardian with her death.
It was customary to arrange some feast at Bikaner and Deshnok on thirteenth day after death. But I deferred it for my convenience. Later I along with Shobha and Sandeep went to Bikaner and Deshnok to perform that .There after Bhagwat Katha ceremony was done at Purulia within a year of her death. With those ceremonies, everything was over that ought to be done after her. Now we are left with her sweet and inspiring memories only.
BHAGIRATH JI was Babuji’s most intimate child hood friend. Babuji did not have any brother but I always considered Bhagirathji as my Tauji. He was younger brother of the then family cook, but being so close to Babuji, he was considered as bade babuji by me and Goura. Babuji never considered caste or status while making friends. Both would call each other as BABAJI. Mostly their conversation would be in Bengali. Babuji had some other intimate friends but he became so close to me because I happened to travel a lot with him. During two months trip to Uttarakhand along with my grand mother he was the person assigned by babuji to take care of us. Later on he established his business in Cuttack though he would visit us very frequently in between. When I was in class 9, he took me to Cuttack and from there to Puri and Bhubneshwar. I was there with him for more than ten days. That was my first trip without a family member around. But he made me feel so homely that made me deeply sad and down on return. Next year he took me to Delhi, Bikaner, Jaipur, Jodhpur. I stayed with him for about ten days in Deshnok, our ancestral native place. I had hard time while returning back. That was my first long journey alone back home from Bikaner. Though the journey it self was not comfortable. I traveled in third class without reservation in general compartments all through, but still he made it a rewarding and most cherished outing by his homely care. After my grand mother’s death, his wife would visit us every day to feed me my lunch. It was happy repetition of history that his younger brother’s wife did the same favor to Sandeep and Sangeet.. That’s why I don’t get upset to see Bai doing the same to Sameep.
Babaji did not have any issue and the couple bestowed their love and affection on me. After my graduation, he took me to Rourkela and arranged a thorough visit to the Steel Plant and some other small industries there around considering my inclination and interest towards manufacturing. He was of great support to Babuji during my and Goura’s marriage and in other family and social assignments. He was widely traveled. When Bai Babuji along with Sangeet decided to travel and stay at Badrikashram for 10 days, I was satisfied to have him accompanied along with them. But that was his last long travel. At this advance age and at that high attitude of Badrikashram, he had developed breathing trouble. He was rushed back to Purulia. He went back to Cuttack recovering within a few days. That was my last meeting with him. He did not live long there after. His wife had died earlier.
I understand that he made me interested in traveling since very early age.
SCHOOLING needs to be focused a bit while describing my BACHPAN. Bhajnashram Siksha Samiti, an organization managed by Hindi speaking community, runs primary, middle and high school in Purulia. My regular schooling began from middle school beyond class 5. There was no English medium school at that time. Our school, Rajasthan Vidyapeeth was not a well equipped school to provide all round development facility to wards. It did not have science laboratory and sports facility. There was no dress code even. I would wear pyzama and shirt up to matriculation i.e. up to class 11. I was not a front runner student of my class. I never failed in any subject but never scored high grades too. Most teachers were either graduate or doing graduation. Rishiji, a teacher doing graduation, initiated himself for providing me home tuition while I was in class 8. He wanted me to come up next to Raman, who had been the first boy. But he left within a year for doing post graduation. But my next teacher Satish babu took the string left over by Rishiji. He raised my confidence level and guided me to become the second best student in class 10. Though Raman, the first boy was far ahead of me. Ultimately we both passed matriculation with first division in 1960. There after our friendship started blossoming.
The impact of schooling in ordinary way without any extra activities was felt through out. I became a person of shy nature. My out door activity was limited to play within or near my home area with cousins. In addition I would play carom with two of my classmates Udai and Murarimohan at their residents. In fact there was a carom club at Udai’s residence where champions of town would assemble to play. Udai and his brother Shambhoo were most stylist players. I could learn playing carom with them but never participated in any competition due to shyness. Though I never played any out door game but two to three hours after school time, I would spend in playing only. Guilli danda, kancha, Lukka chhupi, Sitachor were favorite sports. We had many open space near our home where we would assemble and play. Our roof top was very spacious for the purpose. Chachaji, a person 7 years senior to me was expert in story telling with a bit of action to dramatize it. I still make a point to see him in Purulia. Udai and Murari happened to be in Purulia till recent but I did not have any contact with them.
I was not a sports person but my interest in sports was always there. I started playing table tennis in hostel while in Ranchi for graduation. That interest is still intact. I brought a table later in Purulia and now at Faridabad. I learnt playing badminton and lawn tennis too late in life when opportunity came. My other interests were traveling, music and film, reading and gardening. At times, I was inclined towards drawing, painting and harmonium but I could not pursue with those hobby for some or other reason.
Basics of life get its standing during child hood. Though changes come with time and age, life builds it self on the foundation laid down at the building up age.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
SANGEET
Before I come to write on Sangeet, my darling beti, let me converge some stray thoughts wandering around. It may or may not be in tune with the context. Very recently I was reading some of write up to Shobha with some explanation in Hindi. Many touchy moments came in between. Some lively discussions took place amongst us. Shobha was happy that truth and only truth was referred therein. I might have escaped something intentionally or without any intention, but what has been written is truth only. According to Shobha, my writing has improved considerably since I started. With laptop at my disposal, I write as per my mood and leisure and not in hurry as I used to write at cyber café etc earlier. I wanted to go slow on it now onwards, not to put unnecessary work load for reading and editing. But I was advised to fix up a cut off date for convenience of all. So I decided to write on Sangeet now. It is justified as per sequence also. I have recently written on Shobha and on US trip. And in between, Sangeet’s arrival was a great happening to our family.
On writing on self, there cannot be an end as I have included writing on current affairs also as this is inspired by some current development. It is story being written day after day, it goes on and on. Life seems to be flowing faster, though I am static, its tempo is swifter and changes come rapidly. Though my main objective was to peep into the past, life goes on rushing forward, pitilessly, ignoring our will and desires and so focus on present happenings become relevant sometimes. Present itself becomes past as the time passes. So current happenings would become recent past when I take up them for expression through this medium.
As disclosed earlier, my close contacts have been with women in family during bringing up. Later I could develop some intimate contacts in due course as life moves on. It is result of the prevailing system also, to some extent. I had very less interaction with Babuji during childhood. My mother, grandmother, great grand mother and other female relatives were only contacts available during my bringing up. I have witnessed rapid changes in state of affairs of women in family and society. My great grand mother used to keep ghunghat even at the age of ninety and the same was with my grandmother. Bai, who is the eldest female member of family now, still tries to have little parda in front of elder male member. During my marriage ghunghat was officially removed but some short of indirect existence continues at least amongst different generations. From that system to the present system of almost equal status to both sexes is a great transformation. That has influenced the society, family and individuals including us, our family and Sangeet too.
Our age seems to be different one. It is time of growth and progress. But state of disillusion, of doubt and uncertainty and questioning prevails as ever, in particular in case of females as it used to be in past, though their lives got changed a lot. We claim to have provided equal status to fair sex. But the natural difference will always have its impact on their bringing up and later on in life in general.
Well, 26th April 1973 was the pre fixed date for Shobha to have second issue. As the delivery was to be through operation, it had been fixed up for early hours on that day considering all aspects of astrology also. It was a safe delivery, though with surgery. Due to communication problem, we got information about baby’s arrival quite late. Due to late running of trains, we could not go to Nagpur where she was born in time. And later knowing stable and comfortable health condition of both mother and daughter, we postponed the idea of going Nagpur. I was busy in preparing for my passport visa etc for proposed US visit. Shobha has a very legitimate complaint about this to us. Even after delivery, she had to be away from us for more than two months after her operation. It might reflect to her and others that we had different approach in case of baby girl. It was not the fact. We all were so happy and in particular, I was very happy to have a complete family with her arrival. To start with she was weak, as appeared in her photographs, sent very shortly after delivery. But when she came to us in first week of July, she was in good health and very charming .I was to be with her for two days only as I was to leave for US. But I could love and play and interact with her. At the time of Sandeep’s birth, I was too young and shy of playing and loving my ward. Now I was a bit matured and so could develop intimacy with her within two days of my stay with her. Her birth brought cheers to both families. It was after a gap of about seven years that we had the second child. By that time Sandeep had started going to school. So she was the only child to hum in the house all through. Sandeep was a lonely child till then but Sangeet had a company from the very beginning with Sandeep around. Babuji had his sister around him in childhood and I had mine. But in both cases, we used to quarrel amongst ourselves. In contrast, in between Sandeep and Sangeet, they had very cordial and loving relation all through. I never saw them quarrelling. Sandeep’s shifting to hostel may be the reason or it was in their nature, I don’t know .Shobha passed off the pregnancy period with less discomfort this time. Now she was matured both mentally and physically than during Sandeep’s birth. During first delivery, doctor also waited for natural delivery and that is why she had to suffer a lot and it became a risky factor, whereas in second delivery, it was pre planned and so everything was smooth. Anyway I had to depart within two days of her arrival at Purulia and so I wanted to fix up her name before my departure. We considered Seema and Sangeeta and opted for Sangeeta. Sandeep’s name was finalized by his bhua whereas Sangeet’s by me, of course in consultations with all concerned. In due course and quite early, I preferred SANGEET over SANGEETA .So ultimately she became SANGEET. Though I could be with her for only two days, I missed her most during my US trip. I had written and expressed my feelings about this in my communications to Shobha from US. I had expressed my feelings about missing her so early and was apprehensive of the situation at the time of her marriage, I had mentioned also about this in one of my letters from US. While in US, I arranged to have a gift of US $ 2100 from Raman in her name to start a bank account for her in Purulia. At that time I had not imagined that she would visit or be there in US for such long period. By the time Sangeet was 2 years old, Sandeep moved to hostel and so we were left with Sangeet only around us. She used to accompany us to Sandeep’s School almost twice a week. Her childhood was very smooth health wise and she was a lovely baby, a bit more vibrant than Sandeep. Sandeep had habit of sleeping early, whereas Sangeet used to play by herself till late in night. I used to get into my bedroom at around 10.30 in night. I could play with her for sometime before retiring. Sandeep used to be with Bai at night. But Sangeet’s bringing up was Shobha’s responsibility. Both Sandeep and Sangeet inherited thick and curling hairs from me. Sandeep had to depart with them with first MUNDAN, but Sangeet has curling hairs. It is difficult to distinguish in between photographs of both depicting their childhood.
Situation had changed in family and society in general. It had a positive impact on women’s life also. A vast change had come up from the time when Goura and Shobha were of Sangeet’s age. In Eastern India and especially in marwari community, education amongst girls was totally neglected. But now at least graduation was being considered for girls also. Purulia did not have English medium school for girls. With only child around in family after Sandeep’s entry to hostel, we put Sangeet in the nearest possible school to start with. So she was in a Bengali medium school for three years. Her performance was satisfactory and she was popular amongst teachers and classmates. But with no knowledge of Bengali, we were not in a position to assist her in studies. So after class 3 we opted for the only Hindi medium school available. It was the same school where Goura studied. But because of her good performance she was taken in class 5 directly skipping class 4 in between. So her education was taken care of in a casual way in an ordinary school without good facilities and with no particular vision. She continued there till her matriculation .She was an average plus student, enjoying her schooling and studies in normal way without much stress and strive and neither we were very particular about that. One tutor was there for her and Hindi was taken care of by Shobha. I used to help her wherever required. Perhaps from class 5 onwards, Sangeeta was her tutor and we were comfortable with her.
Sangeet was very straight forward from beginning, with no hesitation of mixing with any one. She had inherited this nature from Shobha. I had also been changed by that time after joining Rotary immediately after her birth. I was not that shy and reserved any more. She developed very intimate friendship with other six girls in her class and they were seven in all in a group till graduation. Parul, now Madhur’s wife was the topper in the class in school. Sangeet was very popular in school as well as in Mall family. She was very regular in wishing her contemporaries in the family and relatives on their birthdays etc. She enjoyed socialization. She used to participate in all social or cultural functions in family and school or society. She could sing bhajans before any gathering any time. She used to talk very freely with her uncles and my friends. Though with casual care and planning of education and bringing up, she was coming up nicely and we had to put very little efforts towards that. She was rewarded in Maheshwari and Mall family’s functions for her performance. With Sandeep I had to be harsh, may be wrongfully sometimes for some or other reasons, but I made up in my mind never to be harsh to her. She did her matriculation in second division and with no alternatives and without any other consideration, we put her in the only women’s college available in Purulia for graduation in arts. All seven friends joined the same stream and in same college. Very soon their group became popular in college also. Once in a week they all used to wear Saari. They used to take lunch together and enjoyed the college life nicely. Sangeet was youngest of all as she got promoted skipping one class, but was perhaps leader of the group.
We have some interesting pleasure tours with Sangeet also. When she was about three years, we went to Bikaner and Deshnok and some other places of interest in Rajasthan. Then again when she was around 5/6 years, we came to Delhi, Faridabad, Agra, Bharatpur, Mathura and Vrindavan with her. On last three days of 2003, I had been to same places with Shobha Sameep and Divyansh. It reminded and refreshed memories of our trip with Sangeet But the most adventurous tour was that to Gangotri and Yamunotri and most entertaining was to Goa. After seeing the film RAM TERI GANGA MAILI, I was enchanted to see the beauty of Gangotri valley. Earlier I had been to Badrinath and Kedarnath vallies and I had a long desire to go to Gangotri and Yamunitri. Last time Sandeep and Madhur joined us and this time only Sangeet was with us. We came to Delhi, spent two days with jijaji and didi and then drove to Mussoorie. Mussoorie had been my favorite hill station all along as that was the first hill station I had visited to start with and I had many sweet memories of it. After enjoying two days stay over there, we started for Yamunotri. On the way we stayed overnight at a very small place called Barkot. It was a valley town on the bank of holy river Yamuna. What a contrast in the beauty and color of water was than that of Yamuna water at Delhi, Mathura or Agra. The place is not far off from the origin of Yamuna. The water there is not at all polluted. We stayed in govt. Dakbunglow having two rooms set only. No other tourist was there. Next morning we left for Hanumanchatti, left our car there and moved for Yamunotri on foot. It’s a fourteen km. steep hilly travel. We took it very casually and travelled without any specific preparation leaving luggage in car. We thought to come back by evening. As we moved on we could realize our fault. I was with shoes but Sangeet and Shobha were with regular slippers. We did not have raincoat or waterproof with us. On the way we met some returning groups fully equipped and could realize our fault with no way to rectify now. It took much longer time than expected. Midway, we met our Panda, who accompanied us to Yamunotri.. As we planned to return before sunset, he wanted us to move fast, but with steep height, we were unable to move fast or rather got slower as we moved up. The road got narrowed as we marched on and we got tired and felt suffocation very much. Sangeet being young was enjoying more and was not tired. Shobha was feeling discomfort in moving ahead. Last 2/3 kms were too steep and dangerous. Road was very narrow, one person could move at a time through with mountain on one side and down stream river on other side. We got exhausted. The sun was about to set in by the time we could reach there. Our panda had social function at home, hence was sure to return back. There was hot water spring on top to take bath. It was too cold on top but water was almost boiling hot. We were in hurry, so took dip into it. It made us refresh and we felt better after hot water bath. But prolonged stay in it made us suffocated due to its chemical contents and Sangeet got fainted as soon as she came out of water. We were at a loss as nearest medical aid was available about 60 kms away. We poured chilled Yamuna water on Sangeet’s head for sometime and she got her sense but was not in a position to return back to base. It became dark by that time. We were the only tourist left over there. In fact no tourist used to stay there overnight and there were no suitable accommodation. There were two sadhus, who lived there through out year, as told to us. There was one tea canteen and one Dharamsala having two rooms only with two care taker. With no electric connection, we were apprehensive of our lonely stay but there was no alternative. Of course it was full moon night. Roaring sound of swaying Yamuna was there as company. The Panda left over with assurance of returning back next morning. We could not sleep through out night.
Early in morning we walked through the little valley visiting the temple and Ashram of those sadhus, had a cup of tea and snack and started off after arrival of Panda. It was indeed the most thrilling trip to such remote place with no amenities and communication whatsoever and with only Sangeet around us. All these four shrines of Uttarakhand are situated at around 10000 ft. height with snow covered mountains and ranges of Himalayas around presenting enchanting view. The return journey was also not comfortable with steep slop downwards, still we could move faster. By evening we reached Uttarkashi for night stay. It’s a sub divisional town with proper amenities and not at that height. Next day we could reach Gangotri through the most beautiful valley of Himalayas and through the small and scenic town Harsil where Ram Teri Ganga maili was mostly shot at. We stayed over night at Gangotri, a small but very beautiful natural habitat. It’s very close to the origin point of holy river Ganga and hence has historical and religious importance. The Ganga falls from a hill to make a rapid and small waterfall here. The water was cold to freezing point, but we dared to take bath, as it was once in life time occasion to be. We met a Bengali tourist there who had been to the Goumukh around 7 kms from there from where the Ganges originates out of glacier. He inspired us to go up to that point to enjoy the real thrill of the jorney, but with our experience at Yamunotri, we avoided the adventure and after worship in the Ganga temple, we got back and left for Haridwar. Sandeep had been to Badrinath and Kedarnath with us, but is yet to visit Gangotri and Yamunotri. Sangeet is still to go to Kedarnath. I wish they visit all four shrines as early as possible and if they insist, I still can dare to accompany them. Yamunotri is toughest of all and has got only pilgrim importance with no habitants at the top, Gangotri and Badrinath are conveniently connected by good hilly roads. For Kedarnath one has to walk for 14 kms but it is worth a visit. To visit valley of flowers was always in my mind, but perhaps now it is not likely to be.
We returned back to Haridwar, Rishikesh and Swargashram. We had planned to return back to Delhi after two days rest there around. Sangeet had been to Swargashram earlier with Bai and Babuji and had stayed there for more than a month with them accompanied with Biren’s daughter Mamun and Rachana. She had also been to Badrinath with Bai and Babuji and stayed over there for 9 days on top. During her stay over at Swargashram, she had developed contacts with many boys and girls of her age who were there with their guardians. It became a group of about 35 boys and girls altogether to enjoy the stay in their own way. She had also developed contacts with reverend Muniji President of Parmarth Niketan during her stay. She has been aggressive all the way in making contacts and maintaining them in spite of coming from a small and backward town like Purulia.
I want to narrate an inspiring episode here to point out how destiny works by itself. Bai and Babuji got Diksha from a Punjabi Guru and that changed their approach towards life altogether and that had got a positive impact on the family as a whole. My grandfather had also got diksha from some Guruji. So Babuji wanted me to follow the tradition. Once Jagat Guru Shankaracharya of Badrinath and Dwarka, Sri Swaroopanand Saraswati came to Purulia and was there for about two weeks. He was family Guru of ex Raja of Purulia. He is a rare personality and very knowledgeable person and Babuji suggested me to get Diksha from him, if it were convenient. If it was destined, let it happen on its own way, I told. If sometimes I happened to be in his Ashram at Badrtnath or Dwarka or somewhere and if he be agreeable to provide me with his blessings and Diksha, I would do that. On the day we returned from Gangotri, we read in paper that he was at Badrikashram. I told Shobha that I could have taken diksha if he would have been here. Shobha considered it to be an excuse from my side as ever. Next day we were to take Sangeet around places of interest, which she had not seen earlier during her Haridwar visit. So we moved towards other side of Haridwar, which we rarely do with and on the way Shobha, saw a car with a banner of Sri Shankaracharya. We found that he was there in an Ashram, had just arrived from Badrinath and was to leave for Delhi within two days after the lunar Eclipse. At that time he was taking rest and many people were waiting outside the room for darshan. Now it was Shobha’s turn to point it out for diksha as assured to bai and babuji earlier. I told her to explore the possibilities if I could have very private and exclusive meeting with him. We waited for sometime there and by that time all other people left the place. When he got up and opened the door of his room, only we were before him. After pranam, I told him all about myself, about my belonging to Purulia, about my parent’s suggestion . .He thought over for some moments and then asked me to come over to another Ashram on the bank of holy Ganga next day as there was lunar eclipse on that night and time was inauspicious. He asked his secretary to provide me with all necessary information about the ceremony. Next morning we met him and in a very simple but exclusive way, he provided us the Gurumantra. Yes, how destiny works, I could see that day. Still, I get carried away by uncertainty of future, that indicates towards my inability to trust on destiny in full. In due course, he visited our Purulia and Faridabad residence also.
We had a very pleasant and interesting tour to Kullu Manali and Rohtang pass with Sangeet along with Jijaji, didi and his youngest son. Kulu Manali valley is one of the most beautiful vallies of Himachal and scenic beauty of snow covered Rohtang pass was just out of world to describe. We attended the famous Dashurrah Mela of Kullu during that trip. With jijaji around it was the most luxurious and comfortable tour. Our Goa trip was also very entertaining with my friend Bissu, his wife and daughter. Incidentally his daughter Vineeta and Sangeet were born on the same day same year and so Sangeet had very nice company on that tour of marvelous beaches of Goa to enjoy. And our tour of southern India was only of its kind where we four were all together. But after her marriage we could never have any tour together. That’s why it is told that beti parayi hoti hai and that is why beti bahut pyari hoti hai, because after marriage, she becomes a separate identity all of a sudden.
Her engagement with Sumant itself was an all of a sudden development. She was in the final year of graduation in 1990. Sandeep got married in 1989. It was the period when we were hopping in between Faridabad and Purulia struggling to settle our business there around. We were into an uncertain future. During festive season of Pooja’s, we were at Purulia. I exactly remember that it was Vijaya dasmi and my cousin Bhuaji from Calcutta was with us that evening. She was to return back to Calcutta next morning. We all were in casual gossip on rooftop of our house. And casually I told that we were losing social contacts with Calcutta gradually. My grandmother and bai belonged to Calcutta. So we had many relatives in Calcutta. Shobha belonged to Nagpur and Minoo to Sirsa in Haryana and now we were in process to install business at Faridabad, so no new contacts were being developed at Calcutta. So down two three years when we would consider for Sangeet’s marriage, we might prefer Calcutta. Of course priority would be the person and his family back ground.
It was only a casual talk. Next morning Bhuaji left for Calcutta. And after three days, I received an unexpected call from her that all of a sudden, she had found a match for Sangeet, of course with some such conditions which we might never think of consideration. The boy belonged to famous Kothari family, living next door of Bhuaji in Alipur, Calcutta studying presently in US. Matching of horoscope and subsequent marriage at Calcutta were their pre condition. I was shocked to have the proposal so instantly and took sometime to discuss the matter with Babuji, to start with and with all concerned thereafter at Sangeet’s nanihal. Sangeet’s horoscope was sent to Calcutta. Very soon I was informed from Calcutta that it was a good match so far matching of horoscope was concerned according to them and wanted our reaction. I was at a loss, as we were not prepared mentally for Sangeet’s marriage so soon. The matter was referred to Sangeet’s nanaji at Nagpur. His response was very positive and optimistic too. Now was the time to discuss the matter seriously amongst us including Sangeet. Babuji was of the opinion to explore all possibilities. According to bai, it was too early to consider as Sangeet was only seventeen. Sangeet wanted to know weather her graduation at early age would lead for her early departure from family. We all were sentimentally upset with idea of her marriage so early. I referred the details to Raman in US for collecting all information about Sumant and to provide me with his comments. His comments were favorable but with a hint to consider their settlement in US for good in mind as it happened with him. I considered all points minutely and got prepared to sacrifice all sentimental values for a bright future for Sangeet. I had to impress upon her about all positive consequences.. She has always been less interested in domestic work. Instead she was interested in further studies or in creative options after graduation. I was not in a position to provide those facilities or career for her in or around Purulia. So we came to a point to explore the preposition and leave it to destiny. In case it does not mature, I assured her not to consider any proposal for next two years. She was convinced to agree to it.
Sandeep, Shobha and Minoo were away to Faridabad at that time. Shobha was consulted over phone only. After Sumant’s arrival from US, I took Sangeet to Calcutta to meet Sumant and his family. Sumant’s parents talked with Sangeet in our presence. They were impressed with her way of talking and in particular her way of conversation in English. They informed me all about their family and future plans for Sumant. As of that day they were determined to bring Sumant back to India, but no one could guarantee for the future. Thereafter they wanted to take Sangeet to the beauty parlor before presenting her to Sumant. I was amazed with this idea, but allowed Sangeet to do away. She went there with her would be mother in law and then Sumant came to see her. I talked with Sumant about his studies, future plans and in general life in US. At that time he was doing graduation near Hollywood in California and his plans were to be in US for another ¾ years for post graduation and some job experience before final return to India. I appreciated his simplicity and forwardness. Then Sangeet and Sumant were left out alone to discuss the matter in between them. Within 5/10 minutes, they finished up whatever they wanted to talk and Sumant went away. That was the time for me to have Sangeet’s opinion. And without any discussion, she nodded affirmative that she approved Sumant. Within minutes, we got positive message from Sumant’s side also. Then only I could realize that Sangeet is now on way to be parayi very soon and that sense of sadness overwhelmed me.. Anyway, it was decided to arrange a formal show off once again within short time where all kin and guardians from both sides to be present. All concerned and close relatives arrived from Nagpur, Koderma, and Faridabad including Shobha, Sandeep, Minoo, Goura, Rachana. A formal meeting and interview from both side was arranged and within minutes, we were informed by Sumant’s grandfather that Sangeet was now theirs. This final and official declaration made me spell bound and I started crying sensing Sangeet’s so early departure to US very soon. Same evening we left for Purulia. Before leaving for Purulia we were invited to visit Sangeet’s would be sasural. It was next door to Bhuaji’s building. The huge flat of about 4000 sq ft, well decorated and furnished was in the 3rd floor of the building called ALANKAR. Sumant have three sisters, all married and living in Calcutta. With Sumant away to US, only his parents were there in that huge flat. It was December 1990 and I had informed them that marriage would be performed in next winter only. Soon date of marriage was fixed. It was to be 3rd December 1991. So one year’s time was there in between. Sangeet had to come to Calcutta to see Sumant off to US. Thereafter we got engaged in preparations for marriage and Sangeet for her final examination scheduled in summer. That is how she got engaged and just for her career, exposure to world and future involvement actively in business or job, I took a great risk of her being away to US independently knowing well the hard and tough life there in US in particular in initial stage, quite lonely and away from all kin, friends and relatives. Though Sangeet was happy with all development, but always regretted for so early departure away from us all. I had seen and only I had an idea of hard life in US which Sandhya and Shashi bhabhi had to bear initially. Still, I was willingly forced to move as per destiny. No one in our family or at Sangeet’s Nanihal could ever imagine that Babuji and Sangeet’s Nanaji in particular would agree to send her to such a far away place, but destiny compelled and directed the thinking of all accordingly.
All happiness of finding such a good match so early without any efforts was there but an under current of sadness prevailed all over including that of Sangeet’s mind. Everyone wanted to spend maximum possible time with Sangeet. She used to receive long calls from her in laws and Sumant. Preparation of marriage was also not that easy. They were from very high society of Calcutta and we were simple and rustic Purulians. Marriage was to be organized at Calcutta and that too at Taj Bengal Hotel.. And in between to look after our new, yet to be set business at Faridabad was a very hard preposition to handle with.
Sangeet appeared in her final examination and in due course graduated. Bai tried her best to instill all good virtues into her since her childhood. .She could read Ramayan in systematic way, had got heart 1st chapter of Geeta in forward and reverse swing, learnt how to perform Pooja, could sing bhajans, could speak and write English, was outspoken and had developed a confidence of handling all situation by her own with confidence at such tender age. We could not make her learn swimming and driving at Purulia. When Sri Shankaracharyajee laid foundation stone for Rotary’s eye hospital, she had the privilege of garlanding him. On another occasion, she had the privilege of welcoming all poets on Kavi Sammelan organized by Rotary Club of Purulia . Her uprightness made us, in particular me, to feel confidence on her to face any situation boldly even at that tender age.
Sandeep Minoo were blessed with Sameep in between and on Sameep’s NAMAKARAN ceremony, her in laws came to Purulia in September 1991.They were not that comfortable in Purulia with no good hotel or accommodation available but were amazed and satisfied with our contacts and Sangeet’s bringing up through such rustic surroundings. Thus the year passed off and the marriage day came near. We came to Calcutta on 30th Nov with Sangeet and all others including Sangeet’s friends arrived on 1st December. With heavy heart and smiles on face, we performed our duty and her marriage ceremony was over gleefully. I once broke down immediately after her marriage and later on next day at the time of her vidai or otherwise God provided us the strength to perform our duties in very composed way. We left for Purulia on 4th evening. Sangeet and Sumant came to see us off at the railway station. Sangeet was in a very casual dress of salwar and Kurta and looked to be very happy. That made us out of worries. And at Purulia, a vacuum had been created and that was to be permanent, but it’s the part and parcel of life and everyone has to go through it. We all had an under current feeling of satisfaction to have Sumant with Sangeet and had confidence on him for caring Sangeet for all the time to come.
Its choice, not chance, that determines our destiny .its being said very often. To me, we put all efforts to back our choice, but get the result by chance as per destiny. We had never thought for Sangeet’s so early marriage and then with a person living so far away. We had never imagined to find a match for her who had educated from La Martiners, one of the best schools, up to higher secondary and was in US for higher education where as Sangeet was in most ordinary institution through out. Yes, I wished her match to be from Calcutta having residence in south Calcutta, but could never think of finding one from such an elite family. Sumant was having very good height and Sangeet being short, I had no idea of how did they take this at first glance. We were from Purulia, a backward and rustic dwelling without many exposures to business or industries whereas Sangeet’s father in law was MD of a renowned company having three large industries under him in Punjab, AP and West Bengal, about 4000 people working under him. I being a very casual and friendly person, having nothing like a boss whereas her father in law was considered to be a very disciplined and strict boss to his employees, managing his industries from his office only. He used to visit his factories very rarely, but his discipline and management was superb. It was informed to me by one of my cousin working under him about his strict nature and it was natural also to manage such large work force. Her mother in law used to manage all domestic accounting including income tax and investment etc and seemed to be quite educated whereas Shobha was a simple housewife learnt to follow her elders patiently with full devotion and let life go without much expectations. They don’t have guardians around them as Sumant’s grandfather died at an early date and Sri GD Kothari, the eminent industrialist was the promoter of all these industries and was his cousin grandfather. But we have great parents around us to provide us the strength and value based guidelines to live with. Of course our house in Purulia is bigger, as Sangeet counted and informed that it had got 45 rooms, but we always lived a rustic life with not updated gadgets or furniture therein. It is situated on the main road of Purulia, with dirty lanes and drains around, beauty of our house being our own developed plants and some handicraft developed by bai and Shobha themselves where as Sangeet’s flat was situated in the posh locality of Alipur where Calcutta’s elite people live and it was so nicely furnished with luxurious and costly paintings and sculptures, that at least I had rarely seen. Size of their bedroom was bigger than the flat we used to live at that time at Faridabad. Two large AC needed to cool those rooms where as we had one small cooler at our Faridabad residence at that time, when Sangeet and Rachana visited us before her marriage and we all four including Shobha used to share the space in front of that cooler to manage the grueling summer of Faridabad. I had been in contact with the Kothari group since very early but in a different way and context. Some of my cousin and friend used to work at their office when they were in Calcutta for studies and later joined the group permanently. I still have memories of one big room at 24 Cannings Street, owned by Kotharis where my cousins lived. I used to meet and stay with them sometimes in early sixties. I was the only person out of mall family who had been to US and that too for pleasure whereas her in laws used to visit all over world almost every year. My hobbies were traveling in and around India and to remain with my fantasies and love. In contrast her father in law was India renowned collector of various and rare stamps. We consider ourselves very lucky to find a match like this for Sangeet. But to me, most impressive was Sumant, his simplicity, his innocent and childish approach, his not that hi-fi thinking, his casual and mixing behavior and his taking Sangeet happily as she was.. My experience with human behavior, love and relation inspired me to have full confidence in Sumant. That he is sure to be very caring to Sangeet.. He was the only person around Sangeet in US for about four years with two/three visits by his parents. We could not go to them in between for some or other reasons and Sangeet always informed me about his cares and trust on her. He has been a helping hand in all-domestic work there around in US. It was his lovely support that made Sangeet’s lonely life in US so happy and kept our morale so high here. I had received high words of appreciation and praise for him from one and all of relatives from our side those happened to visit them in US. Over phone, he always used to assure us to be without any apprehensions and worries from Sangeet’s side in US. They both were in very tender age to manage themselves in US of their own with studies and job and managing each other with love and trust. I salute them both.
Well, after marriage and honeymoon, Sumant had to leave for US and it was planned for Sangeet to go to US after a few months along with her in laws. We had an idea to have her with us during that period of isolation, but it was not to be. She came for a short visit to Purulia and had to be in Calcutta as she was to be trained for her US stay. Yes, that made us upset sentimentally but it was obvious to be like that. She should have developed attachment with her in laws, learn and develop contacts with other relatives. She was put under training for driving and swimming. She had to learn proper cooking also and all other necessary skills of house management. We happily compromised on that willingly or may be to some extent unwillingly too for Sangeet’s future. But, no doubt we had hard time to think of keeping her apart without Sumant being around. She must have felt the same way. It’s in built quality of girls to get adjusted to new environment after marriage to be one with SASURAL and its inhabitants but without the person being around for whom its all about, was a very tough preposition for Sangeet. But she did and managed it very nicely like a matured person, still in teens though. During her stay over with us after engagement, we tried to inform her about the changes expected to be there around as usual and suggested her to win over all with love and dedication and she has been following the same through out.
Sumant was in US since three years doing engineering and was to complete during summer. Thereafter he had plans to do post graduation and MBA and then to return back after having some job experience. So Sangeet was to join him at the west coast, to start with and then to move to new place wherever he do post graduation. Soon her departure date came after completing all formalities for visa etc. It was a great supportive plan on part of her in laws, who took her to US with them and got her settled there and it provided us great peace of mind. We went to Calcutta to see her off. Before that we had gone to see off Sumant also. We were happy that she was to be with Sumant very soon but her departure to such a distant place made us very down. We tried to keep cool and kept our morale very high at the airport till she left us and returned back as if we had lost everything. Yes, she was to meet Sumant there and to live with him, but to leave us all so away and to be away from your own country must have been in her mind. I had confidence on her and more on Sumant to be caring, She had nice time and with parents and husband around, she was comfortable to get settled there. Sumant completed his graduation with flying colors and got admission in university of Rochester. Therefore they had to move from west coast to east coast. They drove all the way. Her- in- laws got them settled in the new flat with all necessary furniture and gadgets etc, stayed for sometime with them and then returned back. Sumant did his post graduation from there and then they both shifted to Boston for job experience. They were there for about four years altogether at both those places. Sangeet also did her graduation in marketing again there and worked in a library also. She developed good contacts and friends at Rochester and Boston. They both worked very hard and were very happy there around with a specific purpose. Her in laws visited them twice in between. They also came to India. Raman also visited them and they also made it to be there with Raman. We were very regularly in contact through phones and letters. I had written 200 letters during her stay over there. She being busy and engaged could not write that many, but still was very much in contact. We all used to get worried for her but Sumant’s caring was to make us contented. And their support to each other made them comfortable out of so hectic and hard working life there around. In between they learnt a lot, made good contacts, traveled to some places of interest and enjoyed life there around but never thought to get settled there for good. They had a very clear vision and time bound plan with specific purpose about their stay over there and that made them to return back to India once they achieved what they intended to. And that made us all very much satisfied and happy.
Many positive virtues developed in Sangeet there. She developed self-confidence, she could find vision for herself about future, she could learn how to manage home independently, she could learn the life style of advanced society and country, she could learn how to be caring amongst wife and husband with full trust and love and admiration, but she had to sacrifice a lot too. She had to be continuously away from us, she could not keep with old contacts, she lost her vibrant behavior, she lost her so talkative nature, she lost aggressiveness to meet people.. When she came to us in between, we pointed this to her. She had become a person with few words and reserved. We could not appreciate this and got worried. Still we hoped her to be again same once be here in India. It was unfortunate that we could not visit her during her stay over in US. That was my struggling time over here at Faridabad. Instead we planned for Sandeep and Minoo’s visit, but they got denied for visa. It was also unfortunate that they did not go for parenthood during that period and thereafter it was too late for some or other reasons. If Sangeet could find my letters to her written during her US stay, I might find a lot to refer here out of them. Anyway everything that ends well is all right
They are in India now amongst their own people. I had earlier seen some people returning like this, but with repentance and eager to return back or got returned back for good. But with them it was nothing like that. They had developed a very distinct vision to be in India and specifically to be at Calcutta. And that was a good decision for all. Very soon Sumant got a very satisfactory job with Price water group and after sometime Sangeet also got a challenging job at Price water house but in different office. She was like communication and cultural manager directly reporting to the top man in Price Water House. She got very good exposures there in .She arranged a few conventions at different places in India for the company and came in contact with top executives and clients of Price water house. They both worked there for more than three years to get experience and exposures. Meanwhile her father in law took retirement and bought a centrally located office in Calcutta for Sangeet to venture some business of her own and Sumant became CEO in some upcoming IT co. With her experience in US, she came out with a very new idea and concept of launching an Internet site for current happenings and all kinds of information in and around and about Calcutta. That was a novel idea altogether so far India was concerned till that time. It was not to generate handsome income but a novelty by itself. She got praised from one and all for her venture. Press interviewed her and her photograph in her office was published in all prominent newspapers of Calcutta and Delhi It brought laurels to her, her company and to all of us. Even I got congratulations on her enterprising venture over phones who ever seen it. The site was CLICKCALCUTTA.COM and that made her more popular in her sphere. Gradually she started developing Internet sites for various renowned companies. Her clientage includes Taaz Bengal. Grand hotel. ITC, LNM Metadyne, and other elite groups. I don’t want to go into details of her business enlistment and success, but over all it was just resounding and more than expectation from a little young girl having a rustic background of being from Purulia. Later on she took over designing and ad film making etc also. We have every reason to be happy, satisfied and proud of her achievements. It was a very challenging and constructive engagement all through.
But perfection in life can never be achieved. She had to part with many good things in the process. She had to adjust to the new environment by sacrificing even some good habits and contacts. They have a family and friend and relative circle and that is their world. A free bird like Sangeet having habit of chirp ring with all, having habit of making and keeping contacts with everyone she happen to meet had to be in a closed cage of that circle. She had many relatives, aunties, masis, mamas, uncles and even her classmates and friends in Calcutta and all were happy to have Sangeet in Calcutta, but she adjusted as per approval of her family’s system and expectations.. All relatives and friends put their best efforts to be in touch with her to start with but had to withdraw with no response from her side. It was a great adjustment as per liking of her guardians, but that made her in toward, which I could never appreciate. She told once that she had achieved more than expectations in SASURAL and so to make them happy by this much adjustment was worth. I admire her sacrifice and adjustment but was never happy with that. And that’s why I wanted her to be engaged in some job or creativity to have ample opportunities to meet cross section of people. Even after her return from US she could come only for a fort night or so to be with us. Well, that’s part of life and I accepted it gleefully. But to be confined to her home and office without little socialization was always a point for me to be not satisfied. Otherwise she had all opportunities to go to club, swimming club, cultural programs etc. As per the values she inherited, she always tried to win over with love and adjustment.
It’s a different age all together. It’s age of disillusions, of doubt and uncertainty and questioning. We can no longer accept many of the ancient values, beliefs and customs. And in particular where there is no old generation around to pass on that tradition, the neo achiever opt for new ways. We question each other and value our ego most. We don’t consider a space for even our loved one if it hurts our ego. If we take such a dismal view we have not learnt the lesson of life. Life is no doubt rich and varied. Yes, it has got its swamps, ups and downs, but it has also the abundance of beauties naturally as well as in intimacy and relations and in caring for each other.
Sangeet is again at the threshold of changing her ways in life, but I would prefer her to value early instilled smiling and cheers. I wish her to have a complete family very soon now. It has been delayed very much and priority should be given to that aspect of life
.
Let her lead a life:
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high,
Where knowledge is free,
Where her world has not be broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls, where words come out from the depth of truth,
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection,
Where the clear reason has not lost its way into dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward into ever widening thought and action,
in to that heaven of freedom.
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