SHOBHA

I got inspired to take up these write ups about myself and happenings around me by an appropriate question mark on some one’s face to let her know a bit about the person in me. It had got a limited aim at that time, which is still not achieved perhaps. Then on Shobha’s suggestion, its jurisdiction got extended to pass on all such information concerning me to not only to her, Sandeep, Shobha and Sangeet, but also to the next generation in the family. But I don’t have any hesitation to confess that my source of inspiration still remains the same and I can write till she goes into it with interest or even without interest. I took up this assignment at the end of last summer, when raindrops had started sprinkling on the dry earth. It has been almost a year since then. At times I feel that time is running short and I must complete what I intend to write within a short time. At present, I am in Purulia, where my self and Shobha commenced our married life. We lived and enjoyed the spring period here itself, hence it is the proper place to peep into most cherished memories of a most successful and match for each other married life with some sparkling happenings in between. I am to write not only about my better half, but at the same time about the bahu of grand persons like Bai Babuji, mother of lovely and to be proud of off springs like Sandeep and Sangeet. I have no clue about what I am in to write, let it come spontaneously and if it hurts anyone by any means, it’s without intention and I may be pardoned for it, but it must be brought to my notice. I have distinctly made it clear to her that I want to know myself through her eyes and the same I want to make a point to Sandeep and Sangeet and that’s the purpose of my write ups. So far my memories go, I met or rather saw Shobha on 10th Jan ‘65 at her residence in Nagpur. We had glances of each other, heard each other’s voice, but did not interact in between. In spite of belonging from an orthodox family, I had been provided with straight authority to select match for myself. I could have talked, discussed and could make correspondence with her in between engagement and marriage, but I intentionally did not do that. Once we both approve each other, I intended to let we both be as fresh as ever before marriage. On 15th Jan, a telegraphic message was sent to Nagpur about confirmation of the proposal from my parents. No one from their side visited us and no one except me visited them. Her father came to Purulia in the last week of January to finalize the date of marriage and allied matters and the preparation commenced at both ends. After Babuji’s marriage, it was my marriage to be ceremoniesed in our family and naturally it had to be a grand occasion. Babuji got engaged in remodeling the house to suit a girl from big city and other allied preparation for the marriage. I was taking care of myself for personality growth to match her and her family. I started renewing my old contacts to be invited and included in baarat to Nagpur. That baarat would be of around 100 persons, comfortable homely arrangements to be provided, and a token gift to be presented to each baarati as memento; it was an assurance Babuji wanted. From my side, I took an assurance that in any of the ceremonies not more than Rs.101/- be given to me or anyone in our family. Three months time was there for preparations. Things were moving fast .I was to appear in law examination in august, so a bit of study was also taken care of. Shiwji was my source of support in all preparations done at Ranchi and Calcutta including dresses for all occasion during marriage and printing of personal cards etc. There was no need of personal card, but I just wanted my hostel mates to be surprised and confused to find Shobha’s name on the card. It did work like that. Well, it took 11 days to complete all functions from Tilak to Bahubhat. Three of my hostel mates were in the Barat, about 20 friends and relatives of my age group were there and rests were close relatives and babuji’s friends. During this ceremony, Jijaji stayed with us through out and that made us so close. He brought a Sardarji Gunman with him to be an escort to me on all occasions during marriage, he was the first person to congratulate me on my choice as soon as he saw Shobha, and he presented a view master with interesting slides to inspire us to begin our married life. It took 36 hours to reach Nagpur, the barat stayed there for 54 hours and it took 24 hours to get back to Purulia. All arrangements there and in transit were superb. We arrived at Nagpur in the morning of 11th May and I was directly taken to their staying place for some ceremony and then to our staying place. Shobha’s friends and cousins were there around but I could not find her anywhere, perhaps she also wanted to keep that occasion reserved for BARMALA ceremony or may be out of shyness, she could not come before me. That was the hottest day of the season in Nagpur, but our place of stay was completely cooled with coolers. In Purulia, we did not have coolers during those days. It was a rustic town. And our family was so orthodox and conventional that GHUNGHAT system used to prevail. Nagpur was socially advanced city. Shobha’s bade papa was working as GM with Bajaj group at Bombay. He had served LION’S INTERNATIONAL as DISTRICT GOVERNOR. Naturally he had modern out look. At this end, even with different surroundings Babuji had similar view. But other elder family members were against any reform. They wanted to continue with prevailing system. Babuji was disappointed at adamant attitude of elders. At both ends, elders were adamant and Babuji was sandwiched in between. That instilled a negative notion in my mind at that time that Nagpur people might try to keep upper hand as always. Discussion went on till evening without any conclusion. The marriage procession had to take off in time. There were two horses in the procession, one for me and the other one was a dancing horse trained to dance following the music band. It was a special band brought from Chalisgaon for the occasion and the popular tune it played was Lalchhari Maidan Khari. The dancing horse followed the tune beautifully. I was not feeling comfortable on my horse and had to request for a car in midst of procession. After about one hour on road with dancing horse, we arrived at the destination and Shobha came to receive me without GHUNGHAT to our surprise. Babuji stared at me with shock and joy, Thist was the first occasion that all the family members including Babuji could see her. After Varmala ceremony being over, we both went up to our two senior most guardians for first Pranam as a couple, which they refused to accept and they left the place and did not participate in any of the ceremonies thereafter. On the other hand, Shobha’s badepapa threatened to leave the place if Shobha be brought in Parda and ultimately his wishes were carried on. Well it was a grand reception. I could meet many of shobha’s friends and relatives. My friends, in particular Raman got mixed up with them in interaction and enjoyed their fellowship. We sat together for 2/3 hours on dais, but did not talk. Babuji was in particular very much excited and satisfied to see us in couple. Marriage was to be sermonized quite late in night and it was around dawn when we returned to our staying place to take blessings from elders as married couple. Next day, we participated in various post marriage functions but without any talk in between. We kept on staring each other at times. In the evening a grand feast was arranged. We were taken in a big procession again to their staying place. It all lasted till late in the night and next morning at around 10, her Vidai was done. She was crying all through along with her parents and kin. I was restlessly with her along. At 11 am our train left for Tatanagar en route to Purulia. It was customary at that time, not to allow newly married couple to be alone till some Pooja be performed back at home, but Babuji was very considerate all through and we were allowed to be in a first Class compartment all alone with trust that we would not cross the limit. On return back, according to the system, all were supposed to assemble at family temple and then the couple to move to home walking through the streets, but on my insistence, we were allowed to be in car. I was further helped by Babuji for not putting on Mehandi during marriage ceremony as I wished. I am really very fortunate that parents as well as wards have been considerate and so much caring to me. I don’t know what carried me not to take my little sister Goura to Nagpur. She had to stay back here at Purulia crying all the time and could see her bhabhi on our return only. Perhaps I appeared to drift a bit from the subject, let me catch it up again. Till train was crawling on Nagpur platform, Shobha was crying and so were her kin, who were there to see her off and I was at a loss as to how to manage her. But after the departure, as I entered into the compartment, she stopped crying, though appeared to be tired and sad. But we tried to welcome each other with smiles full of apprehensions behind it. Since four months we were booked for each other, since three days we were mostly together, but still to talk a single word in between My first address to her was,” May I close the door”, In reply, she asked me to get out so that she could change her clothes to be comfortable. So I had to be out and after about 15 minutes or so when I got into, she was fresh to welcome me with her everlasting smiles. But now it was my turn to ask her to get out for a while as I wanted to change my dress. I was in Dhoti and prince coat for Vidai ceremony and wanted to be in casuals. And thereafter she was to be with me and our long awaited and cherished life was about to take off. As customary and I am still very particular about ladies first principle, I asked her to utilize this privilege first and then allow me to welcome her into my life and thus we welcomed each other into each others life with great enthusiasm and larger than life smiles. My first hand concern was about her mental status after leaving her parents for good. So I decided to move very cautiously and gradually to make her to be ours first and then to procure my wishes fulfilled by her. And we talked till evening as strangers talk to know each other about family, friends, school, hobbies, studies, interest, expecting results as she had just appeared in matriculation examination, music, dance, films etc. She did not ask so much as I did. In between we took lunch together and I left her for sometime to be with my friends to take care about their return journey without me. By evening she was feeling tired as no one had full sleep since many nights. Soon she was in deep sleep and I was happy to have her company seating by her side and looking her sleeping all the way. Quite early in the morning I got her up to change her dress as the train entered Tatanagar station. Hurriedly she got ready, but this time I was not asked to go out. That was the welcome nearness achieved. Well, after breakfast on the bank of lake under surrounding hills, we started for Purulia by car. At the family temple at Purulia, a large gathering mainly of family ladies welcomed us. Goura could meet her bhabhi there only. We were taken to home in a procession with bands etc where she was to enter into her home ceremonially. She was put under GHUNGHAT so that our annoyed guardians could bless us as couple. She was disturbed a bit by this development and I too felt very sorry for that. But that was the only occasion when she had to be in GHUNGHAT. She spent the day amongst ladies. Then in the evening, Bahubhat/ reception was organized which continued till 11 in night. One photographer was there to have snaps after we entered into our room, which was decorated by some florists from Calcutta. But I refused for photography and so we don’t have photographs of that great occasion. I entered into the room around midnight where she was waiting, exchanged garlands, began with some talks and within 15 minutes we both were in deep sleep as we both were so tired out of 11 days ceremonies. That was the beginning of our married life. She was to be in Purulia for three days only which was extended to a week. Early in the morning we were informed about dadaji’s sad and sudden demise and all of a sudden I had to be in business. So we had little occasion to interact in day time, but all through nights of short stay, we talked and talked. Rather I tried to let her know all about me and my family and tried to know from her about herself. I put all my skills and efforts to make her friendly with the new environment first. I explained to her about my priority that she must put herself in the footsteps of Bai, my mother and babuji and rest would follow by itself. She was only 15 and had a life so far confined to family and school, so level of thinking and expressions were different. I wanted her to develop intimacy with me and my family first. I was not in hurry to start married life as dreamt of. I had full confidence in my approach and her acceptance of the situation. That my unqualified and deep love would win over and soon she would start missing me and develop an urge to be mine in totality within heart and mind. As in all cases, there were differences in food habits and tastes, family atmosphere, living standard, etc, which were to be overcome first. Soon her day of departure came and she left in the evening of 21st May for Nagpur. All of a sudden, a vacuum was created around me. She left a message for me in room and after reading those two lines, I found myself very sentimentally attached to her. She had asked me not to write many letters as she might feel shy of it to start with. But I could not resist myself and next day I sent a lengthy letter about my feelings and started writing daily without her reply even. I ignored her suggestion to pick up writing gradually. Before she could write, I had written many letters and this remained a regular grievance that she was never so prompt in replying and her letters were short of expressions as I desired. Let me quote some such letters to explain my mind and feelings. For her it was difficult to write such letters. To start with she might not have developed feelings and then she might not have the art of expressions. To love in that way and to be loved in that way, she was in learning process. And so was I, but I had better art of expressions and that’s why I could never be satisfied with her letters, in numbers or in expressions, though with time she could improve a lot. 1. 10th June 1965… Main hun ek atript sa nirjhar, prem pranay ki tu sarita hai, Tere anindya soundarya nir me, khud doob jane ki meri chah hai. Pratham Milan ke suprabhat me, sundar sapne tune ankuraye, Jab aayi sangam ki bela, kyon tum mujh ko chhor aaye. Ek mrigmarichika si ho tum, prempath par bhatkanewali, Door khinchati legayi mujhe wo, teri mrig si ankhe matwali. Main hun ek awara badal, kuchh anupam bunde hain mujhme Seep si pawan tujhe jankar Moti banana chahunga tujhme. But sorry dear, Dil me unke wo aag nahi hai, pyar prem jo kahlati hai Awara badal ki bundo ko jo, moti banana sikhlati hai. Well, this is the impression and expression, I always had and my thirst of expectations never got satisfied. Letter ratio was always 3:1 or more in my favor and so was length and language. But very soon she started writing that she missed me and my talks of those 7 nights and was eager to meet me. Her cousin brother’s marriage was to be held at Jodhpur on 22nd June. I was to meet her there only. We met there but amongst the crowd of all her relatives and amongst marriage ceremony. Still I utilized all the time spent with her to make her feel closer. We came to Udaipur with all relatives and went for sight seeing, went to Nathdwara temple with all and after all ceremony being over, left for Purulia via Chittorgarh and Agra. We alone spent a few hours at TAJMAHAL and then left for Purulia in Kalka mail in a first class compartment to remind us of our first such journey while returning after marriage. But there was great difference in the situation. Now she was willing to be near me and willing to be mine after knowing me and my love for her through my talks and letters. And that was our honey moon occasion on 28th June 1965 after more than one and half month of marriage and that too in a non air conditioned railway compartment in hot summer day. Again she was to be with me for a fortnight or less than that. Saawan month was to start and in spite of our insistence her parents persuaded her to be back to Nagpur for a month. So she left in second week of July, but we could develop close relation and intimacy by that time and she became part and parcel of our family. On our first meet, after marriage, I presented her a diamond ring with an assurance not to put it off till God blessed us with a permanent gift in between. And she kept the promise and did not go away with the ring even after Sandeep’s arrival. Her result was out and she got plucked in English. I intended her to continue with her studies initially, but after all consideration, I too discontinued my law studies and she discontinued her studies and we decided to enjoy a complete family life as per desire of my parents. I asked her to come back as early as possible. I am quoting a few lines of my letter written during that period to express my prevailing mood… July 1965 Tu itni door na jana, ki nigahen bhi na pahunche, Tu itni door na jana ki ye bahen bhi na panhuche Gar tere gam me karahun kabhi is duniya me, Tu itni door na jana ki meri aahen bhi na pahunche. By that time, she started missing me and liked to be with me always. But her parents had always found one or another reason to extend her stay there over. This negative practice lasted for many long years. It resulted in diminishing my respect for them. They could never consider our love and intimacy in proper way and were carried away with their own affection and sentiments towards their daughter only. My parents, on their part were very considerate. They were ready to get rid of old customs for our happiness. So all through romantic season of first rains we had to leave apart. She used to become restless to know my mental condition without her. She once wrote …Pyar rone ke liye nahin kiya jata hai, … and I replied back…that pyar me bahaye ansu ko rona nahi kahte… Gradually my letters made her to cry. My expressions made her prolonged stay away from me miserable and many years down, she had to come openly to enforce programs accordingly, but in early days she had to be reserved. And I used to write like, Mere paas aao, chhoro ye sara bhram, Jo tumhara hai dukh wo hai mera bhi gum. This reflects sentiment and true feelings inside my heart. It was difficult for her to write matching letters and expressions and I always felt unquenched. She could never return back as per scheduled programs without extension and that left an unhealthy scar about my thoughts for her parents. By end of August or early September she could come back and then began our intimate married life with matching feelings for each other. In addition, the best part was her honest approach to follow what my mother wanted her to learn. Babuji was also very happy to find an ever-smiling bahu and Goura got a dear friend in her. I was 20 plus and she was 16 plus and were not in hurry for parenthood, but God was gracious and she got conceived on my birthday. Her pregnancy period was not that smooth. She was not in good health through. I hoped for a baby girl but mother and Shobha were confident of baby boy. Her parents wanted her to be at Nagpur quite early but it was due to Bai Babujis insistence that she left for Nagpur in June 66 only. In between Goura got engaged. I and Goura’s would be husband Omji left for Mussoorie after Shobha left for Nagpur. We returned back to Purulia in early July. We were blessed with Sandeep on 23rd July 1966. She had to be away for more than three months for the purpose. And life went on smoothly except the big robbery which took place on 19th Dec 66 that shook the family. Sandeep’s coming charged and changed the family all together. Time got passed swiftly. In 1967 October we took our first long vacations to Darjeeling and Gangtok, leaving Sandeep behind at Purulia. We enjoyed the trip like honeymooners. Shobha still wants to go to Darjeeling once again. Before her pregnancy, we took one day trip to Jubilee park,Tatanagar, one of its kind in eastern India. In January 1966, we had been to Bombay for three days. One harmonium teacher was put to train her and I installed table tennis at home to get her involved with me more. But she could not come up satisfactorily in developing skills in those hobbey. Perhaps I was not a good trainer. As she still complains that I could not make her conversant in English in spite of her desire. But her Hindi and handwriting improved a lot through my letters. And that was utilized later when she could teach Sandeep. Sangeet, Madhur, Rachana, and Sameep so far Hindi is concerned. That’s the way days passed on and Sandeep was growing up. As per family system Sandeep’s first hair cut was to be done at a specific place in Rajasthan and we decided to go there in 1970 when he was 4 plus. Meanwhile Goura was also blessed with Madhur and so they also joined us for the purpose. We all assembled at Dhanbad and left for Delhi from where we took the journey by car as insisted and provided by Jijaji. After traveling through Bikaner, Deshnok, Ramdeora, Nawalgarh, Jaipur, Ajmer, Pushkar etc we arrived at Udaipur in the last phase of our trip. In place of noon we reached there around mid night to be received by Sandhya and her parents. Early next morning she met us before going to college. She assured to be with us next day through out as our guide to various places of interest in and around Udaipur. This was my third meeting with her. I saw her during my marriage when she was 12/13 years and then within two months we again met at Udaipur and I gifted her one wooden toy stolen from a shop. Now she was grown up as we met after five good years in between. We spent the day moving around by our self till she joined us and then she was our guide through out. They had a swimming pool on top of their house at roof. In the evening we went to roof top to see the pool and there by mistake I caught hold of a cactus plant. Hundreds of thrones got into my palm and it took hours for her to take them out. That was our first intimate contact. We talked up to late in night. She got our program extended by a day. Next day we went to NATHDWARA about 40 km away. In the evening we went to see a movie. I could sense that she was enjoying my company out of a monotonous routine with only her parents around. That night we were to repack as early next morning we were to leave. She came to our room, daringly caught hold of my hands, told Shobha to do packing by her self as she wanted to have maximum possible time with me. She took me to her room where her maid servant was also with her and truly expressed her love, affection, attraction, regards for me. She told that she would miss me and my short company. At one point she asked, why I had come to disturb her static life. I got stunned and shocked. I explained to her that it was my marrying so early with Shobha that we met when she was only 13 years. Further it was Sandeep’s early arrival that we were there and became so good and intimate friends. Let us take it as destiny to be friends. Till early in morning we talked. I warned her against so quick sentimental attachment which might get exploited some time by some one. She informed that it was her maiden such experience. She was never aware of her feelings. It was so great of Shobha that she did not even come to see us once in between. On her request we deferred our departure by some hours. She accompanied us up to her college and there we left her. As we left the college campus, suddenly I felt the same way.Departing from her became unbearable.…..Chhoti si ye dunia,pahchane raste hain,tum kahin to miloge kabhi to miloge to puchhenge haal…a very timely song coming on radio made me more emotional. I too became apprehensive of our meetings again. We arrived at Chittorgarh on the way and then moved to PUSHKAR for over night stay. Next evening we arrived at Delhi. After five years devoted married life, I felt attached to someone because she expressed her sentiments to me. We returned back to Purulia. Meanwhile Sandhya got engaged to Kishore. Shobha represented me in her marriage, I intentionally avoided to attending. I met her before marriage during my one day’s visit to Udaipur with Raman. She got married and left for USA within very short time. This all happened within October 1970 to Feb 71 and hence its impact was for a very limited period up on our life. In 1972 Raman got engaged and he got married same year. He wanted me to visit US next summer when he planned to take his wife right across US. Shobha’s first delivery was through surgery and she had to suffer a lot. I intended not to take chance again. But after five years we started talking about second issue. Shobha was ready to go for it considering family’s happiness and situation though initially I was hesitant considering her sufferings. God had been gracious as usual and she got conceived in mid 1972. During Raman’s marriage when we talked about US trip, she was pregnant. After Raman’s marriage, I went to Indore. There I met a person who used to make prediction. As I was away from home since a month or so, I enquired about all welfare. He drew the diagram of my home very correctly showing what babuji was doing at that time. And on outcome of Shobha’s pregnancy, according to him, we were to be blessed with another baby boy. I wanted a daughter as we were not to take third chance and I used to consider the family incomplete without daughter. By New Year I returned back to Purulia and informed babuji all about his prediction. He was very happy that our tradition of one son and one daughter since three generation was due to be broken. It was on 26th April at around 5 am, delivery was to be performed through surgery at Nagpur. Bai babuji and Goura left for Nagpur with expectation and preparation for a baby boy, like diamonds buttons, ring, golden chain etc for the new born. They could not get the connecting train and had to return back. We could not get phone lines to Nagpur for three days due to some or other reason. We were quite anxious for Shobha and her health. To our surprise and my satisfaction, we were informed about Sangeet’s arrival safely after prolonged worries. Of course Shobha had to suffer physically on both occasion and we all went through most anxious moments of our lives. But we had a complete family now. She sent her and Sangeet’s photograph. She appeared to be pale and weak. Because of pre planned operation, it was safe and comfortable. Meanwhile my program to US was in advance state as Raman let me know his departure date for right across US trip. As Shobha was not to go with little Sangeet, .who was only two months old, I had to go alone. Shobha always encouraged me to go for the trip because these opportunities come rare, although I had reservations about going alone. I wanted her to be back earlier from Nagpur to spend some time together before my departure. But as usual her parents had their own plans. First they intended to keep her there during my stay abroad. Then on great persuasion, she could arrive just two days before my departure. That was a great blow to me and my respect for them went very low. We met after a long gap. I could see my little baby and could love and play with her for a day before leaving. That was my consolation. I left for US from Delhi on 9th July 1973 and returned back on 22nd August. It was a great trip. But I missed Shobha at all moments. I could not have full sleep through out. I used to have sleep in between 5am to 8 am. I wrote all about it in my letters from there. Regarding details of my trip, I intend to write separately. But it was a great gesture, consideration and sacrifice on part of Shobha that she inspired, persuaded and allowed me to take that trip without her. She was away from me for months on account of delivery, remained with me for two days and then I was away for about 6 weeks. But she was happy that I could take it up. I was so happy to be amongst my family again, to be with Shobha, Sandeep and little Sangeet. Sandeep was in class 2 at that time. And life was again on old track, but more lively with Sangeet’s arrival. Now Shobha had two kids to be looked after. Besides routine work, she was devoted to Sandeep’s schooling and Sangeet’s bringing up. Still we tried to find time to talk about US trip at length. And I assured her of next trip to be with her only and never to venture alone again. I could keep up half promise fulfilled. That I did not take any trip abroad further, but still to take her along with. But she had no regrets for that, neither any complaint to me, or any great desire to go. In 1975/76, Babuji was sick and we had to be at Ranchi for about three months for his treatment. Bai Babuji stayed there all along and I had to be in between Purulia and Ranchi. She had to manage the house and both Sandeep and Sangeet independently. She had never been like this with bai and babuji away for so long. She wanted to be at Ranchi with them, but it was not possible. But she managed everything nicely and never let any one realize about her strain and stress. She had been always supportive to me. I had never been pressurized for fulfillment of her desires. She had moulded herself to the needs of family. Except marriages of her own brothers and sisters she could never attend other social functions at Nagpur. Ours was a compact and very small family. It was never convenient for her to visit her parents frequently. It had been regular complains from her parents in unqualified terms without realizing our situation. That must have disturbed her, but she never complained about that. By end of Feb 76 we returned from Ranchi after Babujis operation and recovery. Thereafter Bai babuji took a long trip to all relatives and were away for more than two months. She had to be in helms of house management by herself. During that time I was engaged in establishing Bombay Dyeing business and had to be in between Purulia and Calcutta for most of the time. This made her self confident about family management. I joined Rotary in 1974 and gradually became very active in its affairs. It was her inspiration and adjustments that allowed me to devote full energy and participation to Rotary. Rotary had changed my life all the way that I intend to write separately, but it all could happen because of her positive support and our understanding. She had never asked for any gift or valuables from me. She led her life as bai babuji wanted and I too never interfered in between them. I became president of Rotary club of Purulia in 1978 and had a very active Rotary life from 77 to 85. It was for her inspiration, influence and adjustment that made me to go up to that level in Rotary. I could maintain 100% attendance because of her insistence. We attended Rotary meetings in all parts of country from Srinagar to Trivendram and all around. After Babuji’s operation and long trip, we again decided to start traveling frequently. We had been to Puri, Nainital, Uttarakhand, Mussoorie, Kathmandu, Pokhra etc within three years in between ‘77 to ’80. All trips were of great pleasant experience because of her flexibility, adjustments and caring. In 1981, we had been to Varanasi, Vaishnow Devi and Kashmir valley for more than a month and it was the most adventurous and thriling trip that we had ever taken. We availed a newly weekly introduced train from Purulia to Varanasi. After spending a day there visiting famous Shiva temple, University, different Ghats on the Ganges and some other places of interest, we took Himgiri Express. It was perhaps last week of September and we could not get confirmed berths due to Pooja holiday rush. So we traveled at different seats in different compartments up to Jammu, our destination on way to Kashmir. At Jammu while taking rest in our hotel room after sleepless journey, our door was knocked by a young lady. She was very nervous and was at breaking point along with her 5/6 years old son as her husband was away for return reservation to railway station for hours together. She felt a bit reassured and comfortable in our company till her husband returned. They belonged to Bombay. We again met at Srinagar.They had four day,s stay in the valley and we had planned almost about a month’s outing in so called PARADISE ON EARTH. After visiting the famous RAGHUNATH Temple and places of interest in and around Jammu, we went up to Katra by road next morning to climb the hills where shrines and caves of VAISHNO DEVI were situated. We arrived there at 10 in night. The walk through the hills was stiff at points but very enjoyable. It was quite cold at the top and we were tired after a 14 kilometer climb. But we got refreshed after bath under a chilled water spring which was customary before entering into the cave. Soon we were in a small que to enter into the cave. I was very hesitant to get into as the entrance was too small to pass through comfortably, but I was not allowed to retreat back. We had to travel about hundred feet inside the cave with very little illumination through chilled water flowing under to reach upto MATAJI. I was apprehensive of getting suffocated inside so came out rushing after short worship. But it was an experience of its own kind. We returned back to our base camp at Katra walking down the hills in mid night itself all alone and that was very thrilling. We flew into Srinagar from Jammu same afternoon. Next three weeks we spent in the Kashmir valley enjoying its natural beauty, unique stay in house boat, rowing through wide spread lakes in well decorated sikaras, visiting some historical enchanting mughal gardens. Usually travelers spend one day at Gulmarg, one day at Pahalgaon, one day at Sonmarg and one day surrounding Srinagar. But we opted for very leisure and pleasure holidays in the valley. We planned to stay three days at Gulmarg, a week at Pahalgaon, three days in Srinagar and extra three days in house boat on Dal Lake. Tourism being the main attraction, it was well organized there. Tourist Reception Centre was very well equipped to manage the tourists from all over. All places of interest and pleasure were well connected through deluxe and luxury buses from here in addition to a comfortable boarding and lodging facility to cater centralized services to visitors with all necessary informations. At Gulmarg we stayed in newly constructed centrally heated tourist centre. It was green all over in early October after the rains. We visited the beautiful locations where romantic film BOBBY was shot. We roamed around the green medows which becomes one of the best places for ice skating and skeing in winter. But there was no snow in and around Gulmarg in that season. We could imagine how beautiful the place would be after snow fall. While roaming round the golf course in the meadows, we met Yusuf, a ponywala. He wanted us to utilize his services to roam around Gulmarg or to visit Khilanmarg. I was interested to visit some snow clad area. Far away on the top of hills, he pointed towards the snow and suggested to have an adventure to visit the place next day. He further suggested that Shobha must wear Salwar suit in place of Sari to take up the horse riding. He took us to a tailor and arranged for instant stitching of suitable Kashmiri dress for her so as to enable us to take up the adventurous journey to Al Pathar as the place was called. Early next morning he was there at our hotel with two horses. And we set forth for the ride. Soon we were joined by a young Gujrati honey moon couple from Bombay. They were informed by another pony person about our venture and decided to follow us. After taking our lunch at Khilanmarg we started moving through stiff height towards Al Pathar. It was a tough journey onwards. As we moved up, the wind became chilly and fast making horse ride tough. At some point Yusuf asked us to walk for the remaining phase as horses don’t go beyond that. He was to wait for our return there only. He informed us about the frozen lake beyond the hills which would sure be unique panorama for us to see. It was hard to move against the wind but we four kept on moving towards the snow. We felt suffocated and the young girl began crying, but kept on moving with us. There was no vegetation in the region and no regular track to follow. We had to move on scattered huge stones towards the snow. Gradually we arrived near a Lake covered with snow. It was the frozen Lake. And because of huge stones around, the name was AlPathar. We spent a few minutes sitting on a stone and looking into the beauty of surroundings but could not enjoy the situation considering our loneliness. The couple was morally down with fear but we kept cool and began our return journey. Weather was becoming rough. We took unexpectedly more time. At the first sight of Yusuf from at a distance, we felt relieved a bit. But Yusf was a worried man. He wanted us to move fast as weather was getting rough and with no shelter around our life was in danger. He would have left us there itself to face the situation and certain death, if we were late by fifteen minutes more, he informed us. He tried his best thereafter to rush us downwards to Gulmarg as early as possible without allowing us to take a cup of tea in between so as to arrive at the hotel before it got dark. We took light dinner and went to sleep instantly as we were too tired to even talk amongst us. Next morning as we removed the curtain away from window to look into the meadows of Gulmarg, we not only got enchanted by its beauty, we got shaken to see it fully covered with snow. There was heavy snow fall in the night. We had escaped a certain death. We were sure to be traped in snow storm with no shelter around if Yusuf had not made us rush towards hotel apprehending the worsening of weather. At the same time we were lucky to witness Gulmarg covered with unseasoned snow. It was our honest desire that God had fulfilled but it could have been otherwise too. Thus we could see nature in three different colors during our stay at Gulmarg. It was green all over the day we arrived. Next day as we climbed upto Alpathar, it was barren all around there and then it was snow all over on the last day. That made our visit to Gulmarg a memorable one. Pahalgaon is beautifully located on the bank of curving river. Our place of stay was wooden log huts on a stiff hill away from the main town. It is ideal location to view the beauty of town from there but it was not possible to move to the main street frequently covering the height and distance again and again. Log huts were stationed scattered on wide hill and slope and were mostly unoccupied. So a typical tranquility and loneliness was there around. But we met two teen aged ponywalas there on the first day. They got affectionately attached with us so that for next ten days of our stay over there, they remained stayed with us during day time without consideration of any financial commitment. That made our stay and movement very comfortable and cozy in that isolated but beautiful place.They took us to Chandanbari on way to Amarnath in addition to local sight seeing. They used to bring our necessities from the market on call. They persuaded us to visit their family in the village to bless their sister to be married next week. In fact they urged us to extend our program further to attend the marriage, which we could not comply with. But we visited their village and spent sometime with the family, had photographs with his family and promised to send those photograph in particular to his sister. I regret that I could not keep my promise as their address got misplaced in transit. But often we refresh memories of our visit to the Kashmiri family. At Pahalgaon we were joined with a honey moon couple from Cuttack and a couple from Sangli for three days. It was a very leisurely spent holidays that we had there. We had an opportunity to see film shooting there with Sanjeev Kumar and Waheedarahman singing a song repeating the sequence for two days. The glass house where ‘’HUM TUM EK KAMARE ME BAND HON’ picturised, became a hot tourist attraction since then. Our last three days stay in the valley was in a luxury house boat on DAL LAKE. It was an experience of its kind. Movement to the main land was through sikaras. We traveled miles exploring different lakes which are interconnected on sikaras. Before moving to house boat we had one day’s visit to the ruins of Awantipur and Sonemarg too. We had also seen how saffron was cultivated and some floating fields on lake. Those were rare exploration. Our last night happened to be Sarad Purnima. We booked a well decorated sikara for whole night to roam in beautiful Dal Lake under moon light. Kashmiri Nan and Kahwa, a special Kashmiri tea was arranged by the Sikarawala. I had an idea that many tourists would enjoy like that. But I was shocked to find only our sikara rowing at mid night when I removed the curtains around it. We directed sikarawala to get back to the house boat instantly. We got frightened finding ourselves isolated on Dal Lake. Because we had witnessed pro Pakistani or rather anti Indian feelings amongst locals during our one month’s stay there around. But it was one of the most lovely full moon nights that we had spent and enjoyed. Next morning we flew into Delhi. In 1983, we took a very long pleasure trip to Goa and whole of south India along with Sandeep and Sangeet. In between there were many short visits to places of interest. Traveling and exploring places had been a great achievement of our married life. I must give credit to her co-operative and non-demanding attitude for this. Later she had developed a dreadful perennial sinus disease perhaps in‘84 and had to suffer a lot. Ultimately she had to be operated upon at Ranchi and we stayed there for about a month. Though we were there for treatment, we enjoyed the stay like other pleasure trips. This all could happen because of ever smiling and great capacity to adjust on her part. Inspired by my successful term of leadership as the president and later organizing capacity during Rotaract formation and Eye Hospital project, my club wanted me to try for Governorship of Rotary. And for that purpose I had to be away to visit all clubs in and around Calcutta, to all seven states of North east and to Darjeeling and Gangtok for months together. I could take up this all with her unqualified support, though I lost the election, but she never got disheartened. In between she had some serious health problem at Nagpur and some doubt was raised that she might have heart related problem. Once she developed serious dental problems also, but she faced all these with her everlasting smiles. She had developed great confidence on God and destiny courtesy Bai babuji and satsang’s influence that made life easy even during hard times. She was of great support to me when Kakiji died and bai babuji were not along with me. In between, she had to go to Nagpur on yearly routine visit and also on account of some family marriages. I always used to write letters full of my feelings for her .But in all the letters, the first paragraph used to deal with her extension of stay on account of trivial reasons, which her parents would find as a routine. And that used to hurt me the most. To get hurt was not that crucial, I could bear that. But that resulted in down grading my respect for her parents who otherwise are great parents. I always have been sincere to keep my program and words and so I disliked that to extreme. At one or more such occasions, it went up to extreme low point and that must have hurt her too. We had suffered a lot on that account and expressions in my letters are self-explanatory. But my love for her and intimate relation with her did not get affected by that. In one of such marriages, Sandhya was there with her husband and we again had a very nice time. She had earlier returned back to India and got settled at Pune. I had gone to Pune once in mid eighties to see her and we always are the same intimate friends whenever we happened to meet. Once she came to Purulia for two days and also to Faridabad for two days when we used to live in sec 7.Once she stayed with us in Jijaji’s place at Delhi for one day. And ultimately our close relation made Rachana to be her daughter in law. We are still good friends and last year we went to Pune and we joined them at Tirupati also. But of late, it had come to a very formal relation, reasons not distinctly understood by me as yet. We had been to Kulu Manali perhaps in 1984 with jijaji and family. There she apprehended that I might drink whisky etc if be in regular contact with Jijaji. I started business at Faridabad in ’90. I stayed at Jijaji’s place for a year or so. It was perhaps my commitment to her that I never imagined to consume alcohol in any circumstances under any influence. One more such situation developed at Grand hotel Calcutta in around 84. I, Biren and jijaji were in the restaurant. Biren was on the dancing floor. His packet of cigarette was on the table. I don’t know how I just lit his lighter and started smoking. Within a moment I realized the mistake already committed and promised myself never to smoke again and I am firmly committed to that. It was her unqualified support and inspiration and tolerance in adverse situation that enable me to sustain my struggling period between 1990 to 1995 before I handed over business responsibility to Sandeep at Faridabad. She left her personal life with me totally behind and our main aim was to get established something for Sandeep. Sandeep’s engagement, marriage and establishing the business went on simultaneously. She had to miss either my togetherness or to be away from bai babuji. Under both situations, she had to suffer. We traveled from Hyderabad to Sirsa directly to see Minoo. We were at one in selecting Minoo and presenting her before Sandeep for final selection. Then all through engagement to marriage, we never had any irritation or difference of opinion and could manage everything with cheers. And thereafter, her five years isolated life in between Purulia and Faridabad was proof of her adjustments and sacrifice for the welfare of family. Before Sandeep’s marriage we traveled to almost all relatives spread all over to invite them in person. Later during Minoo’s pregnancy and Sangeet’s engagement to marriage, she served her duty without any expectations that her ideas or wishes or suggestions could be taken care of. During Minoo’s second pregnancy followed with Divyansh’s birth she single handedly taken care of all alone at Faridabad. Yes, she has developed more self confidence, trust on God and serving attitude without expectations. All these fluctuation in life got settled to an extent by 2000 when we all started living under one roof at Faridabad after Bai and babuji agreed to be at Faridabad with all of us. During this period she was disturbed from parental side also. All this took a heavy toll upon her health .She had persistent high blood pressure in spite of cool temperament, her ECG was not normal in spite of ever smiling charm and ultimately, all of a sudden she was detected to have breast cancer in advance state in mid June 2001,when Sandeep was away to US.I can distinctly remember the blank eyes and down to earth face of all of us, but at this unparallel adverse situation too, she kept her morale high, was ever smiling and took it as God’s wish. Yes, she was worried for me and my sentimentally weak temperament .She kept cool all through, but was determined, not to be away from bai and babiji for treatment This determination on her part kept the family intact at Faridabad. She outright rejected proposals and suggestions for her treatment at Bombay. She stood firm to be with bai and babuji with whatever be consequences. While going to OT, she kept consoling me to trust on God and His destiny. And after operation, when she got her sense back after losing the most attractive and pious part of her body, her first worry was to make contact with me to inform that she was alright .She came to sense for a few minutes at mid night with vomiting tendency still prevailing, but asked the sister to call me to see that she was alright to get me out of my deep worries. To me, that was climax of her oneness and care for me .She went through rigorous treatment of chemotherapy and radio therapy for a year. She lost all hairs and strength and stamina, but mentally she was always strong. . Her mental strength and brevity to face this adversity was the reason for her fast recovery. I wanted her to use wig during that period, but she was ready to accept the reality and truth of the situation. And with God’s graciousness and her courage through faith on Him, she faced the situation with success and presently serving the family again with the same zeal and enthusiasm. She acknowledges without reservation that her own mother would not have done how bai took her care during that unfortunate serious health problem. And still Bai is taking full care of her. Bai always accompanied her during treatments and her morale remained high with Bai’s presence around. By March her course of treatment was over and we went to Dhani for naturopathy treatment to detoxify for ten days. Since then, she is almost back to normal life with periodical check ups to follow. I get very nervous still during check ups and whenever she has ill health for any reason, but her confidence level is always very high. She has started learning harmonium of late. She stands by my side in all my happiness and worries as ever. Now we have decided to try to be together for all the time where ever we go, such as to Purulia, Nagpur or any other place of interest. I may add to this chapter later on as and how we live remaining part of our life. But in my eyes, we are having very successful married life as a couple. We have been caring and loving to each other to maximum. To expect more than this is illusionary. Its not that we did not have low time in between or that we did not hurt each other sometime, but slowly and gradually we became made for each other in spite of difference in our level of sentimental values, attachment, adjustments made for family etc. Though I had been the focal point and nucleus of the family since very early age, I always took it to be as trusty to take care of whatever I got as heritance and she too followed me like that. As per my wish or as per her decision, she never took lead or initiative as being only bahu in any of family affairs, or as mother in law after Sandeep’s marriage. She has been a helping instrument in transit from Bai to Minoo to let Minoo take over the string as and when Bai gets retiring for age. She tries to be helpful in all respect to both generations and never tries to take leadership in any respect and I consider it to be her sacrifice. Its not that she is not competent, but she has also learnt to withdraw, of course sometimes she is against my nature of withdrawal. I, on my part always wanted to share all happenings in my life with her. We have very transparent relation. She had taken it sportingly, may be at times under compulsion or under distress. She thinks that she could not match me as lover at times. She considers my body to be more honest than my mind and heart towards her. Let me confess that I would not have taken things as sportingly as she had taken in all such cases. I would have felt jealousy, anguish and my reaction would have been very severe. She has been a great source of support whenever I am down to earth. She can read my mind and heart through my face and does not need to discuss it with me to know the matter. In spite of some difference in temperament, tastes for life, values, liking and disliking, we have a typical oneness developed during course of time through love and consideration for each other. That’s our asset and I would cherish for the same for ever. .She never asked for any pocket or private money or fund. She never showed any fancy for any particular thing for herself. Of course she was always interested to buy something for bai, babuji, Goura and later for Minoo and other close relatives and friends. She was never after shopping during pleasure trips. We enjoy nature and intimate fellowship amongst ourselves on such occasions. She always tried to match with my interests. We tried to be caring for each other. She has been so considerate and loving, but my thirst for love remains unquenched. I claim to be not that demanding, but I always feel that I love her more than what she loves me. She feels very sorry for that but claims it to be otherwise. Perhaps she could not match to me in art of expression. But we are a good match and have every reason to be satisfied with our married life. We enjoyed each others company at home and outside. In spite of some indifferent happenings, I feel, we are honest in our relationship. We have deep understanding in between. Though from different background and different level of education, our understanding is remarkable and her love and respect for all family members without harping for her rights is of very high quality. She has never put forward her rights even on her wards Sandeep and Sangeet. And above all, her trust on God and His plans for her is an example that I should try to follow. I am very much concerned for her health. God has been gracious and I trust up on His graciousness that she will remain alright to give me company for ever. It was not love that began with romance. It was a relation based on commitment to start with resulting into deep affectionate loving relationship. It might not reach the high and low of romance but it is steady and stable. It might not be FALLING IN LOVE. Instead it is RISE IN LOVE.