SANGEET

Before I come to write on Sangeet, my darling beti, let me converge some stray thoughts wandering around. It may or may not be in tune with the context. Very recently I was reading some of write up to Shobha with some explanation in Hindi. Many touchy moments came in between. Some lively discussions took place amongst us. Shobha was happy that truth and only truth was referred therein. I might have escaped something intentionally or without any intention, but what has been written is truth only. According to Shobha, my writing has improved considerably since I started. With laptop at my disposal, I write as per my mood and leisure and not in hurry as I used to write at cyber café etc earlier. I wanted to go slow on it now onwards, not to put unnecessary work load for reading and editing. But I was advised to fix up a cut off date for convenience of all. So I decided to write on Sangeet now. It is justified as per sequence also. I have recently written on Shobha and on US trip. And in between, Sangeet’s arrival was a great happening to our family. On writing on self, there cannot be an end as I have included writing on current affairs also as this is inspired by some current development. It is story being written day after day, it goes on and on. Life seems to be flowing faster, though I am static, its tempo is swifter and changes come rapidly. Though my main objective was to peep into the past, life goes on rushing forward, pitilessly, ignoring our will and desires and so focus on present happenings become relevant sometimes. Present itself becomes past as the time passes. So current happenings would become recent past when I take up them for expression through this medium. As disclosed earlier, my close contacts have been with women in family during bringing up. Later I could develop some intimate contacts in due course as life moves on. It is result of the prevailing system also, to some extent. I had very less interaction with Babuji during childhood. My mother, grandmother, great grand mother and other female relatives were only contacts available during my bringing up. I have witnessed rapid changes in state of affairs of women in family and society. My great grand mother used to keep ghunghat even at the age of ninety and the same was with my grandmother. Bai, who is the eldest female member of family now, still tries to have little parda in front of elder male member. During my marriage ghunghat was officially removed but some short of indirect existence continues at least amongst different generations. From that system to the present system of almost equal status to both sexes is a great transformation. That has influenced the society, family and individuals including us, our family and Sangeet too. Our age seems to be different one. It is time of growth and progress. But state of disillusion, of doubt and uncertainty and questioning prevails as ever, in particular in case of females as it used to be in past, though their lives got changed a lot. We claim to have provided equal status to fair sex. But the natural difference will always have its impact on their bringing up and later on in life in general. Well, 26th April 1973 was the pre fixed date for Shobha to have second issue. As the delivery was to be through operation, it had been fixed up for early hours on that day considering all aspects of astrology also. It was a safe delivery, though with surgery. Due to communication problem, we got information about baby’s arrival quite late. Due to late running of trains, we could not go to Nagpur where she was born in time. And later knowing stable and comfortable health condition of both mother and daughter, we postponed the idea of going Nagpur. I was busy in preparing for my passport visa etc for proposed US visit. Shobha has a very legitimate complaint about this to us. Even after delivery, she had to be away from us for more than two months after her operation. It might reflect to her and others that we had different approach in case of baby girl. It was not the fact. We all were so happy and in particular, I was very happy to have a complete family with her arrival. To start with she was weak, as appeared in her photographs, sent very shortly after delivery. But when she came to us in first week of July, she was in good health and very charming .I was to be with her for two days only as I was to leave for US. But I could love and play and interact with her. At the time of Sandeep’s birth, I was too young and shy of playing and loving my ward. Now I was a bit matured and so could develop intimacy with her within two days of my stay with her. Her birth brought cheers to both families. It was after a gap of about seven years that we had the second child. By that time Sandeep had started going to school. So she was the only child to hum in the house all through. Sandeep was a lonely child till then but Sangeet had a company from the very beginning with Sandeep around. Babuji had his sister around him in childhood and I had mine. But in both cases, we used to quarrel amongst ourselves. In contrast, in between Sandeep and Sangeet, they had very cordial and loving relation all through. I never saw them quarrelling. Sandeep’s shifting to hostel may be the reason or it was in their nature, I don’t know .Shobha passed off the pregnancy period with less discomfort this time. Now she was matured both mentally and physically than during Sandeep’s birth. During first delivery, doctor also waited for natural delivery and that is why she had to suffer a lot and it became a risky factor, whereas in second delivery, it was pre planned and so everything was smooth. Anyway I had to depart within two days of her arrival at Purulia and so I wanted to fix up her name before my departure. We considered Seema and Sangeeta and opted for Sangeeta. Sandeep’s name was finalized by his bhua whereas Sangeet’s by me, of course in consultations with all concerned. In due course and quite early, I preferred SANGEET over SANGEETA .So ultimately she became SANGEET. Though I could be with her for only two days, I missed her most during my US trip. I had written and expressed my feelings about this in my communications to Shobha from US. I had expressed my feelings about missing her so early and was apprehensive of the situation at the time of her marriage, I had mentioned also about this in one of my letters from US. While in US, I arranged to have a gift of US $ 2100 from Raman in her name to start a bank account for her in Purulia. At that time I had not imagined that she would visit or be there in US for such long period. By the time Sangeet was 2 years old, Sandeep moved to hostel and so we were left with Sangeet only around us. She used to accompany us to Sandeep’s School almost twice a week. Her childhood was very smooth health wise and she was a lovely baby, a bit more vibrant than Sandeep. Sandeep had habit of sleeping early, whereas Sangeet used to play by herself till late in night. I used to get into my bedroom at around 10.30 in night. I could play with her for sometime before retiring. Sandeep used to be with Bai at night. But Sangeet’s bringing up was Shobha’s responsibility. Both Sandeep and Sangeet inherited thick and curling hairs from me. Sandeep had to depart with them with first MUNDAN, but Sangeet has curling hairs. It is difficult to distinguish in between photographs of both depicting their childhood. Situation had changed in family and society in general. It had a positive impact on women’s life also. A vast change had come up from the time when Goura and Shobha were of Sangeet’s age. In Eastern India and especially in marwari community, education amongst girls was totally neglected. But now at least graduation was being considered for girls also. Purulia did not have English medium school for girls. With only child around in family after Sandeep’s entry to hostel, we put Sangeet in the nearest possible school to start with. So she was in a Bengali medium school for three years. Her performance was satisfactory and she was popular amongst teachers and classmates. But with no knowledge of Bengali, we were not in a position to assist her in studies. So after class 3 we opted for the only Hindi medium school available. It was the same school where Goura studied. But because of her good performance she was taken in class 5 directly skipping class 4 in between. So her education was taken care of in a casual way in an ordinary school without good facilities and with no particular vision. She continued there till her matriculation .She was an average plus student, enjoying her schooling and studies in normal way without much stress and strive and neither we were very particular about that. One tutor was there for her and Hindi was taken care of by Shobha. I used to help her wherever required. Perhaps from class 5 onwards, Sangeeta was her tutor and we were comfortable with her. Sangeet was very straight forward from beginning, with no hesitation of mixing with any one. She had inherited this nature from Shobha. I had also been changed by that time after joining Rotary immediately after her birth. I was not that shy and reserved any more. She developed very intimate friendship with other six girls in her class and they were seven in all in a group till graduation. Parul, now Madhur’s wife was the topper in the class in school. Sangeet was very popular in school as well as in Mall family. She was very regular in wishing her contemporaries in the family and relatives on their birthdays etc. She enjoyed socialization. She used to participate in all social or cultural functions in family and school or society. She could sing bhajans before any gathering any time. She used to talk very freely with her uncles and my friends. Though with casual care and planning of education and bringing up, she was coming up nicely and we had to put very little efforts towards that. She was rewarded in Maheshwari and Mall family’s functions for her performance. With Sandeep I had to be harsh, may be wrongfully sometimes for some or other reasons, but I made up in my mind never to be harsh to her. She did her matriculation in second division and with no alternatives and without any other consideration, we put her in the only women’s college available in Purulia for graduation in arts. All seven friends joined the same stream and in same college. Very soon their group became popular in college also. Once in a week they all used to wear Saari. They used to take lunch together and enjoyed the college life nicely. Sangeet was youngest of all as she got promoted skipping one class, but was perhaps leader of the group. We have some interesting pleasure tours with Sangeet also. When she was about three years, we went to Bikaner and Deshnok and some other places of interest in Rajasthan. Then again when she was around 5/6 years, we came to Delhi, Faridabad, Agra, Bharatpur, Mathura and Vrindavan with her. On last three days of 2003, I had been to same places with Shobha Sameep and Divyansh. It reminded and refreshed memories of our trip with Sangeet But the most adventurous tour was that to Gangotri and Yamunotri and most entertaining was to Goa. After seeing the film RAM TERI GANGA MAILI, I was enchanted to see the beauty of Gangotri valley. Earlier I had been to Badrinath and Kedarnath vallies and I had a long desire to go to Gangotri and Yamunitri. Last time Sandeep and Madhur joined us and this time only Sangeet was with us. We came to Delhi, spent two days with jijaji and didi and then drove to Mussoorie. Mussoorie had been my favorite hill station all along as that was the first hill station I had visited to start with and I had many sweet memories of it. After enjoying two days stay over there, we started for Yamunotri. On the way we stayed overnight at a very small place called Barkot. It was a valley town on the bank of holy river Yamuna. What a contrast in the beauty and color of water was than that of Yamuna water at Delhi, Mathura or Agra. The place is not far off from the origin of Yamuna. The water there is not at all polluted. We stayed in govt. Dakbunglow having two rooms set only. No other tourist was there. Next morning we left for Hanumanchatti, left our car there and moved for Yamunotri on foot. It’s a fourteen km. steep hilly travel. We took it very casually and travelled without any specific preparation leaving luggage in car. We thought to come back by evening. As we moved on we could realize our fault. I was with shoes but Sangeet and Shobha were with regular slippers. We did not have raincoat or waterproof with us. On the way we met some returning groups fully equipped and could realize our fault with no way to rectify now. It took much longer time than expected. Midway, we met our Panda, who accompanied us to Yamunotri.. As we planned to return before sunset, he wanted us to move fast, but with steep height, we were unable to move fast or rather got slower as we moved up. The road got narrowed as we marched on and we got tired and felt suffocation very much. Sangeet being young was enjoying more and was not tired. Shobha was feeling discomfort in moving ahead. Last 2/3 kms were too steep and dangerous. Road was very narrow, one person could move at a time through with mountain on one side and down stream river on other side. We got exhausted. The sun was about to set in by the time we could reach there. Our panda had social function at home, hence was sure to return back. There was hot water spring on top to take bath. It was too cold on top but water was almost boiling hot. We were in hurry, so took dip into it. It made us refresh and we felt better after hot water bath. But prolonged stay in it made us suffocated due to its chemical contents and Sangeet got fainted as soon as she came out of water. We were at a loss as nearest medical aid was available about 60 kms away. We poured chilled Yamuna water on Sangeet’s head for sometime and she got her sense but was not in a position to return back to base. It became dark by that time. We were the only tourist left over there. In fact no tourist used to stay there overnight and there were no suitable accommodation. There were two sadhus, who lived there through out year, as told to us. There was one tea canteen and one Dharamsala having two rooms only with two care taker. With no electric connection, we were apprehensive of our lonely stay but there was no alternative. Of course it was full moon night. Roaring sound of swaying Yamuna was there as company. The Panda left over with assurance of returning back next morning. We could not sleep through out night. Early in morning we walked through the little valley visiting the temple and Ashram of those sadhus, had a cup of tea and snack and started off after arrival of Panda. It was indeed the most thrilling trip to such remote place with no amenities and communication whatsoever and with only Sangeet around us. All these four shrines of Uttarakhand are situated at around 10000 ft. height with snow covered mountains and ranges of Himalayas around presenting enchanting view. The return journey was also not comfortable with steep slop downwards, still we could move faster. By evening we reached Uttarkashi for night stay. It’s a sub divisional town with proper amenities and not at that height. Next day we could reach Gangotri through the most beautiful valley of Himalayas and through the small and scenic town Harsil where Ram Teri Ganga maili was mostly shot at. We stayed over night at Gangotri, a small but very beautiful natural habitat. It’s very close to the origin point of holy river Ganga and hence has historical and religious importance. The Ganga falls from a hill to make a rapid and small waterfall here. The water was cold to freezing point, but we dared to take bath, as it was once in life time occasion to be. We met a Bengali tourist there who had been to the Goumukh around 7 kms from there from where the Ganges originates out of glacier. He inspired us to go up to that point to enjoy the real thrill of the jorney, but with our experience at Yamunotri, we avoided the adventure and after worship in the Ganga temple, we got back and left for Haridwar. Sandeep had been to Badrinath and Kedarnath with us, but is yet to visit Gangotri and Yamunotri. Sangeet is still to go to Kedarnath. I wish they visit all four shrines as early as possible and if they insist, I still can dare to accompany them. Yamunotri is toughest of all and has got only pilgrim importance with no habitants at the top, Gangotri and Badrinath are conveniently connected by good hilly roads. For Kedarnath one has to walk for 14 kms but it is worth a visit. To visit valley of flowers was always in my mind, but perhaps now it is not likely to be. We returned back to Haridwar, Rishikesh and Swargashram. We had planned to return back to Delhi after two days rest there around. Sangeet had been to Swargashram earlier with Bai and Babuji and had stayed there for more than a month with them accompanied with Biren’s daughter Mamun and Rachana. She had also been to Badrinath with Bai and Babuji and stayed over there for 9 days on top. During her stay over at Swargashram, she had developed contacts with many boys and girls of her age who were there with their guardians. It became a group of about 35 boys and girls altogether to enjoy the stay in their own way. She had also developed contacts with reverend Muniji President of Parmarth Niketan during her stay. She has been aggressive all the way in making contacts and maintaining them in spite of coming from a small and backward town like Purulia. I want to narrate an inspiring episode here to point out how destiny works by itself. Bai and Babuji got Diksha from a Punjabi Guru and that changed their approach towards life altogether and that had got a positive impact on the family as a whole. My grandfather had also got diksha from some Guruji. So Babuji wanted me to follow the tradition. Once Jagat Guru Shankaracharya of Badrinath and Dwarka, Sri Swaroopanand Saraswati came to Purulia and was there for about two weeks. He was family Guru of ex Raja of Purulia. He is a rare personality and very knowledgeable person and Babuji suggested me to get Diksha from him, if it were convenient. If it was destined, let it happen on its own way, I told. If sometimes I happened to be in his Ashram at Badrtnath or Dwarka or somewhere and if he be agreeable to provide me with his blessings and Diksha, I would do that. On the day we returned from Gangotri, we read in paper that he was at Badrikashram. I told Shobha that I could have taken diksha if he would have been here. Shobha considered it to be an excuse from my side as ever. Next day we were to take Sangeet around places of interest, which she had not seen earlier during her Haridwar visit. So we moved towards other side of Haridwar, which we rarely do with and on the way Shobha, saw a car with a banner of Sri Shankaracharya. We found that he was there in an Ashram, had just arrived from Badrinath and was to leave for Delhi within two days after the lunar Eclipse. At that time he was taking rest and many people were waiting outside the room for darshan. Now it was Shobha’s turn to point it out for diksha as assured to bai and babuji earlier. I told her to explore the possibilities if I could have very private and exclusive meeting with him. We waited for sometime there and by that time all other people left the place. When he got up and opened the door of his room, only we were before him. After pranam, I told him all about myself, about my belonging to Purulia, about my parent’s suggestion . .He thought over for some moments and then asked me to come over to another Ashram on the bank of holy Ganga next day as there was lunar eclipse on that night and time was inauspicious. He asked his secretary to provide me with all necessary information about the ceremony. Next morning we met him and in a very simple but exclusive way, he provided us the Gurumantra. Yes, how destiny works, I could see that day. Still, I get carried away by uncertainty of future, that indicates towards my inability to trust on destiny in full. In due course, he visited our Purulia and Faridabad residence also. We had a very pleasant and interesting tour to Kullu Manali and Rohtang pass with Sangeet along with Jijaji, didi and his youngest son. Kulu Manali valley is one of the most beautiful vallies of Himachal and scenic beauty of snow covered Rohtang pass was just out of world to describe. We attended the famous Dashurrah Mela of Kullu during that trip. With jijaji around it was the most luxurious and comfortable tour. Our Goa trip was also very entertaining with my friend Bissu, his wife and daughter. Incidentally his daughter Vineeta and Sangeet were born on the same day same year and so Sangeet had very nice company on that tour of marvelous beaches of Goa to enjoy. And our tour of southern India was only of its kind where we four were all together. But after her marriage we could never have any tour together. That’s why it is told that beti parayi hoti hai and that is why beti bahut pyari hoti hai, because after marriage, she becomes a separate identity all of a sudden. Her engagement with Sumant itself was an all of a sudden development. She was in the final year of graduation in 1990. Sandeep got married in 1989. It was the period when we were hopping in between Faridabad and Purulia struggling to settle our business there around. We were into an uncertain future. During festive season of Pooja’s, we were at Purulia. I exactly remember that it was Vijaya dasmi and my cousin Bhuaji from Calcutta was with us that evening. She was to return back to Calcutta next morning. We all were in casual gossip on rooftop of our house. And casually I told that we were losing social contacts with Calcutta gradually. My grandmother and bai belonged to Calcutta. So we had many relatives in Calcutta. Shobha belonged to Nagpur and Minoo to Sirsa in Haryana and now we were in process to install business at Faridabad, so no new contacts were being developed at Calcutta. So down two three years when we would consider for Sangeet’s marriage, we might prefer Calcutta. Of course priority would be the person and his family back ground. It was only a casual talk. Next morning Bhuaji left for Calcutta. And after three days, I received an unexpected call from her that all of a sudden, she had found a match for Sangeet, of course with some such conditions which we might never think of consideration. The boy belonged to famous Kothari family, living next door of Bhuaji in Alipur, Calcutta studying presently in US. Matching of horoscope and subsequent marriage at Calcutta were their pre condition. I was shocked to have the proposal so instantly and took sometime to discuss the matter with Babuji, to start with and with all concerned thereafter at Sangeet’s nanihal. Sangeet’s horoscope was sent to Calcutta. Very soon I was informed from Calcutta that it was a good match so far matching of horoscope was concerned according to them and wanted our reaction. I was at a loss, as we were not prepared mentally for Sangeet’s marriage so soon. The matter was referred to Sangeet’s nanaji at Nagpur. His response was very positive and optimistic too. Now was the time to discuss the matter seriously amongst us including Sangeet. Babuji was of the opinion to explore all possibilities. According to bai, it was too early to consider as Sangeet was only seventeen. Sangeet wanted to know weather her graduation at early age would lead for her early departure from family. We all were sentimentally upset with idea of her marriage so early. I referred the details to Raman in US for collecting all information about Sumant and to provide me with his comments. His comments were favorable but with a hint to consider their settlement in US for good in mind as it happened with him. I considered all points minutely and got prepared to sacrifice all sentimental values for a bright future for Sangeet. I had to impress upon her about all positive consequences.. She has always been less interested in domestic work. Instead she was interested in further studies or in creative options after graduation. I was not in a position to provide those facilities or career for her in or around Purulia. So we came to a point to explore the preposition and leave it to destiny. In case it does not mature, I assured her not to consider any proposal for next two years. She was convinced to agree to it. Sandeep, Shobha and Minoo were away to Faridabad at that time. Shobha was consulted over phone only. After Sumant’s arrival from US, I took Sangeet to Calcutta to meet Sumant and his family. Sumant’s parents talked with Sangeet in our presence. They were impressed with her way of talking and in particular her way of conversation in English. They informed me all about their family and future plans for Sumant. As of that day they were determined to bring Sumant back to India, but no one could guarantee for the future. Thereafter they wanted to take Sangeet to the beauty parlor before presenting her to Sumant. I was amazed with this idea, but allowed Sangeet to do away. She went there with her would be mother in law and then Sumant came to see her. I talked with Sumant about his studies, future plans and in general life in US. At that time he was doing graduation near Hollywood in California and his plans were to be in US for another ¾ years for post graduation and some job experience before final return to India. I appreciated his simplicity and forwardness. Then Sangeet and Sumant were left out alone to discuss the matter in between them. Within 5/10 minutes, they finished up whatever they wanted to talk and Sumant went away. That was the time for me to have Sangeet’s opinion. And without any discussion, she nodded affirmative that she approved Sumant. Within minutes, we got positive message from Sumant’s side also. Then only I could realize that Sangeet is now on way to be parayi very soon and that sense of sadness overwhelmed me.. Anyway, it was decided to arrange a formal show off once again within short time where all kin and guardians from both sides to be present. All concerned and close relatives arrived from Nagpur, Koderma, and Faridabad including Shobha, Sandeep, Minoo, Goura, Rachana. A formal meeting and interview from both side was arranged and within minutes, we were informed by Sumant’s grandfather that Sangeet was now theirs. This final and official declaration made me spell bound and I started crying sensing Sangeet’s so early departure to US very soon. Same evening we left for Purulia. Before leaving for Purulia we were invited to visit Sangeet’s would be sasural. It was next door to Bhuaji’s building. The huge flat of about 4000 sq ft, well decorated and furnished was in the 3rd floor of the building called ALANKAR. Sumant have three sisters, all married and living in Calcutta. With Sumant away to US, only his parents were there in that huge flat. It was December 1990 and I had informed them that marriage would be performed in next winter only. Soon date of marriage was fixed. It was to be 3rd December 1991. So one year’s time was there in between. Sangeet had to come to Calcutta to see Sumant off to US. Thereafter we got engaged in preparations for marriage and Sangeet for her final examination scheduled in summer. That is how she got engaged and just for her career, exposure to world and future involvement actively in business or job, I took a great risk of her being away to US independently knowing well the hard and tough life there in US in particular in initial stage, quite lonely and away from all kin, friends and relatives. Though Sangeet was happy with all development, but always regretted for so early departure away from us all. I had seen and only I had an idea of hard life in US which Sandhya and Shashi bhabhi had to bear initially. Still, I was willingly forced to move as per destiny. No one in our family or at Sangeet’s Nanihal could ever imagine that Babuji and Sangeet’s Nanaji in particular would agree to send her to such a far away place, but destiny compelled and directed the thinking of all accordingly. All happiness of finding such a good match so early without any efforts was there but an under current of sadness prevailed all over including that of Sangeet’s mind. Everyone wanted to spend maximum possible time with Sangeet. She used to receive long calls from her in laws and Sumant. Preparation of marriage was also not that easy. They were from very high society of Calcutta and we were simple and rustic Purulians. Marriage was to be organized at Calcutta and that too at Taj Bengal Hotel.. And in between to look after our new, yet to be set business at Faridabad was a very hard preposition to handle with. Sangeet appeared in her final examination and in due course graduated. Bai tried her best to instill all good virtues into her since her childhood. .She could read Ramayan in systematic way, had got heart 1st chapter of Geeta in forward and reverse swing, learnt how to perform Pooja, could sing bhajans, could speak and write English, was outspoken and had developed a confidence of handling all situation by her own with confidence at such tender age. We could not make her learn swimming and driving at Purulia. When Sri Shankaracharyajee laid foundation stone for Rotary’s eye hospital, she had the privilege of garlanding him. On another occasion, she had the privilege of welcoming all poets on Kavi Sammelan organized by Rotary Club of Purulia . Her uprightness made us, in particular me, to feel confidence on her to face any situation boldly even at that tender age. Sandeep Minoo were blessed with Sameep in between and on Sameep’s NAMAKARAN ceremony, her in laws came to Purulia in September 1991.They were not that comfortable in Purulia with no good hotel or accommodation available but were amazed and satisfied with our contacts and Sangeet’s bringing up through such rustic surroundings. Thus the year passed off and the marriage day came near. We came to Calcutta on 30th Nov with Sangeet and all others including Sangeet’s friends arrived on 1st December. With heavy heart and smiles on face, we performed our duty and her marriage ceremony was over gleefully. I once broke down immediately after her marriage and later on next day at the time of her vidai or otherwise God provided us the strength to perform our duties in very composed way. We left for Purulia on 4th evening. Sangeet and Sumant came to see us off at the railway station. Sangeet was in a very casual dress of salwar and Kurta and looked to be very happy. That made us out of worries. And at Purulia, a vacuum had been created and that was to be permanent, but it’s the part and parcel of life and everyone has to go through it. We all had an under current feeling of satisfaction to have Sumant with Sangeet and had confidence on him for caring Sangeet for all the time to come. Its choice, not chance, that determines our destiny .its being said very often. To me, we put all efforts to back our choice, but get the result by chance as per destiny. We had never thought for Sangeet’s so early marriage and then with a person living so far away. We had never imagined to find a match for her who had educated from La Martiners, one of the best schools, up to higher secondary and was in US for higher education where as Sangeet was in most ordinary institution through out. Yes, I wished her match to be from Calcutta having residence in south Calcutta, but could never think of finding one from such an elite family. Sumant was having very good height and Sangeet being short, I had no idea of how did they take this at first glance. We were from Purulia, a backward and rustic dwelling without many exposures to business or industries whereas Sangeet’s father in law was MD of a renowned company having three large industries under him in Punjab, AP and West Bengal, about 4000 people working under him. I being a very casual and friendly person, having nothing like a boss whereas her father in law was considered to be a very disciplined and strict boss to his employees, managing his industries from his office only. He used to visit his factories very rarely, but his discipline and management was superb. It was informed to me by one of my cousin working under him about his strict nature and it was natural also to manage such large work force. Her mother in law used to manage all domestic accounting including income tax and investment etc and seemed to be quite educated whereas Shobha was a simple housewife learnt to follow her elders patiently with full devotion and let life go without much expectations. They don’t have guardians around them as Sumant’s grandfather died at an early date and Sri GD Kothari, the eminent industrialist was the promoter of all these industries and was his cousin grandfather. But we have great parents around us to provide us the strength and value based guidelines to live with. Of course our house in Purulia is bigger, as Sangeet counted and informed that it had got 45 rooms, but we always lived a rustic life with not updated gadgets or furniture therein. It is situated on the main road of Purulia, with dirty lanes and drains around, beauty of our house being our own developed plants and some handicraft developed by bai and Shobha themselves where as Sangeet’s flat was situated in the posh locality of Alipur where Calcutta’s elite people live and it was so nicely furnished with luxurious and costly paintings and sculptures, that at least I had rarely seen. Size of their bedroom was bigger than the flat we used to live at that time at Faridabad. Two large AC needed to cool those rooms where as we had one small cooler at our Faridabad residence at that time, when Sangeet and Rachana visited us before her marriage and we all four including Shobha used to share the space in front of that cooler to manage the grueling summer of Faridabad. I had been in contact with the Kothari group since very early but in a different way and context. Some of my cousin and friend used to work at their office when they were in Calcutta for studies and later joined the group permanently. I still have memories of one big room at 24 Cannings Street, owned by Kotharis where my cousins lived. I used to meet and stay with them sometimes in early sixties. I was the only person out of mall family who had been to US and that too for pleasure whereas her in laws used to visit all over world almost every year. My hobbies were traveling in and around India and to remain with my fantasies and love. In contrast her father in law was India renowned collector of various and rare stamps. We consider ourselves very lucky to find a match like this for Sangeet. But to me, most impressive was Sumant, his simplicity, his innocent and childish approach, his not that hi-fi thinking, his casual and mixing behavior and his taking Sangeet happily as she was.. My experience with human behavior, love and relation inspired me to have full confidence in Sumant. That he is sure to be very caring to Sangeet.. He was the only person around Sangeet in US for about four years with two/three visits by his parents. We could not go to them in between for some or other reasons and Sangeet always informed me about his cares and trust on her. He has been a helping hand in all-domestic work there around in US. It was his lovely support that made Sangeet’s lonely life in US so happy and kept our morale so high here. I had received high words of appreciation and praise for him from one and all of relatives from our side those happened to visit them in US. Over phone, he always used to assure us to be without any apprehensions and worries from Sangeet’s side in US. They both were in very tender age to manage themselves in US of their own with studies and job and managing each other with love and trust. I salute them both. Well, after marriage and honeymoon, Sumant had to leave for US and it was planned for Sangeet to go to US after a few months along with her in laws. We had an idea to have her with us during that period of isolation, but it was not to be. She came for a short visit to Purulia and had to be in Calcutta as she was to be trained for her US stay. Yes, that made us upset sentimentally but it was obvious to be like that. She should have developed attachment with her in laws, learn and develop contacts with other relatives. She was put under training for driving and swimming. She had to learn proper cooking also and all other necessary skills of house management. We happily compromised on that willingly or may be to some extent unwillingly too for Sangeet’s future. But, no doubt we had hard time to think of keeping her apart without Sumant being around. She must have felt the same way. It’s in built quality of girls to get adjusted to new environment after marriage to be one with SASURAL and its inhabitants but without the person being around for whom its all about, was a very tough preposition for Sangeet. But she did and managed it very nicely like a matured person, still in teens though. During her stay over with us after engagement, we tried to inform her about the changes expected to be there around as usual and suggested her to win over all with love and dedication and she has been following the same through out. Sumant was in US since three years doing engineering and was to complete during summer. Thereafter he had plans to do post graduation and MBA and then to return back after having some job experience. So Sangeet was to join him at the west coast, to start with and then to move to new place wherever he do post graduation. Soon her departure date came after completing all formalities for visa etc. It was a great supportive plan on part of her in laws, who took her to US with them and got her settled there and it provided us great peace of mind. We went to Calcutta to see her off. Before that we had gone to see off Sumant also. We were happy that she was to be with Sumant very soon but her departure to such a distant place made us very down. We tried to keep cool and kept our morale very high at the airport till she left us and returned back as if we had lost everything. Yes, she was to meet Sumant there and to live with him, but to leave us all so away and to be away from your own country must have been in her mind. I had confidence on her and more on Sumant to be caring, She had nice time and with parents and husband around, she was comfortable to get settled there. Sumant completed his graduation with flying colors and got admission in university of Rochester. Therefore they had to move from west coast to east coast. They drove all the way. Her- in- laws got them settled in the new flat with all necessary furniture and gadgets etc, stayed for sometime with them and then returned back. Sumant did his post graduation from there and then they both shifted to Boston for job experience. They were there for about four years altogether at both those places. Sangeet also did her graduation in marketing again there and worked in a library also. She developed good contacts and friends at Rochester and Boston. They both worked very hard and were very happy there around with a specific purpose. Her in laws visited them twice in between. They also came to India. Raman also visited them and they also made it to be there with Raman. We were very regularly in contact through phones and letters. I had written 200 letters during her stay over there. She being busy and engaged could not write that many, but still was very much in contact. We all used to get worried for her but Sumant’s caring was to make us contented. And their support to each other made them comfortable out of so hectic and hard working life there around. In between they learnt a lot, made good contacts, traveled to some places of interest and enjoyed life there around but never thought to get settled there for good. They had a very clear vision and time bound plan with specific purpose about their stay over there and that made them to return back to India once they achieved what they intended to. And that made us all very much satisfied and happy. Many positive virtues developed in Sangeet there. She developed self-confidence, she could find vision for herself about future, she could learn how to manage home independently, she could learn the life style of advanced society and country, she could learn how to be caring amongst wife and husband with full trust and love and admiration, but she had to sacrifice a lot too. She had to be continuously away from us, she could not keep with old contacts, she lost her vibrant behavior, she lost her so talkative nature, she lost aggressiveness to meet people.. When she came to us in between, we pointed this to her. She had become a person with few words and reserved. We could not appreciate this and got worried. Still we hoped her to be again same once be here in India. It was unfortunate that we could not visit her during her stay over in US. That was my struggling time over here at Faridabad. Instead we planned for Sandeep and Minoo’s visit, but they got denied for visa. It was also unfortunate that they did not go for parenthood during that period and thereafter it was too late for some or other reasons. If Sangeet could find my letters to her written during her US stay, I might find a lot to refer here out of them. Anyway everything that ends well is all right They are in India now amongst their own people. I had earlier seen some people returning like this, but with repentance and eager to return back or got returned back for good. But with them it was nothing like that. They had developed a very distinct vision to be in India and specifically to be at Calcutta. And that was a good decision for all. Very soon Sumant got a very satisfactory job with Price water group and after sometime Sangeet also got a challenging job at Price water house but in different office. She was like communication and cultural manager directly reporting to the top man in Price Water House. She got very good exposures there in .She arranged a few conventions at different places in India for the company and came in contact with top executives and clients of Price water house. They both worked there for more than three years to get experience and exposures. Meanwhile her father in law took retirement and bought a centrally located office in Calcutta for Sangeet to venture some business of her own and Sumant became CEO in some upcoming IT co. With her experience in US, she came out with a very new idea and concept of launching an Internet site for current happenings and all kinds of information in and around and about Calcutta. That was a novel idea altogether so far India was concerned till that time. It was not to generate handsome income but a novelty by itself. She got praised from one and all for her venture. Press interviewed her and her photograph in her office was published in all prominent newspapers of Calcutta and Delhi It brought laurels to her, her company and to all of us. Even I got congratulations on her enterprising venture over phones who ever seen it. The site was CLICKCALCUTTA.COM and that made her more popular in her sphere. Gradually she started developing Internet sites for various renowned companies. Her clientage includes Taaz Bengal. Grand hotel. ITC, LNM Metadyne, and other elite groups. I don’t want to go into details of her business enlistment and success, but over all it was just resounding and more than expectation from a little young girl having a rustic background of being from Purulia. Later on she took over designing and ad film making etc also. We have every reason to be happy, satisfied and proud of her achievements. It was a very challenging and constructive engagement all through. But perfection in life can never be achieved. She had to part with many good things in the process. She had to adjust to the new environment by sacrificing even some good habits and contacts. They have a family and friend and relative circle and that is their world. A free bird like Sangeet having habit of chirp ring with all, having habit of making and keeping contacts with everyone she happen to meet had to be in a closed cage of that circle. She had many relatives, aunties, masis, mamas, uncles and even her classmates and friends in Calcutta and all were happy to have Sangeet in Calcutta, but she adjusted as per approval of her family’s system and expectations.. All relatives and friends put their best efforts to be in touch with her to start with but had to withdraw with no response from her side. It was a great adjustment as per liking of her guardians, but that made her in toward, which I could never appreciate. She told once that she had achieved more than expectations in SASURAL and so to make them happy by this much adjustment was worth. I admire her sacrifice and adjustment but was never happy with that. And that’s why I wanted her to be engaged in some job or creativity to have ample opportunities to meet cross section of people. Even after her return from US she could come only for a fort night or so to be with us. Well, that’s part of life and I accepted it gleefully. But to be confined to her home and office without little socialization was always a point for me to be not satisfied. Otherwise she had all opportunities to go to club, swimming club, cultural programs etc. As per the values she inherited, she always tried to win over with love and adjustment. It’s a different age all together. It’s age of disillusions, of doubt and uncertainty and questioning. We can no longer accept many of the ancient values, beliefs and customs. And in particular where there is no old generation around to pass on that tradition, the neo achiever opt for new ways. We question each other and value our ego most. We don’t consider a space for even our loved one if it hurts our ego. If we take such a dismal view we have not learnt the lesson of life. Life is no doubt rich and varied. Yes, it has got its swamps, ups and downs, but it has also the abundance of beauties naturally as well as in intimacy and relations and in caring for each other. Sangeet is again at the threshold of changing her ways in life, but I would prefer her to value early instilled smiling and cheers. I wish her to have a complete family very soon now. It has been delayed very much and priority should be given to that aspect of life . Let her lead a life: Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high, Where knowledge is free, Where her world has not be broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls, where words come out from the depth of truth, Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection, Where the clear reason has not lost its way into dreary desert sand of dead habit Where the mind is led forward into ever widening thought and action, in to that heaven of freedom.