SILENT SURGE AND FLOW

A very valid question as to why she is being involved in this process. Well, I have a mind to focus on it. In the first write up itself, I mentioned about some happenings, which inspired me to take up this exercise. But it was to come later on. I wanted to make me known more distinctly before I take up that, but now sequence is being changed. June is the month I don’t like, hot and humid. I feel suffocated. I enjoy winter as I feel for all types of warmth. Rainy days are most romantic, we always use to enjoy open bath in rains. Spring always brings freshness and color to life. But summer, though it has its beauty as God has created only beauties, even cactus is beautiful, always appears to be harsh. And June 2001 was the severest summer, we faced. Sandeep was away to US and all phones were out of order when by chance with utter shock, I could know that Shobha was suffering with malignancy and that too at advanced stage. When we were down with long and hazardous treatment of Shobha, operation in June end after Sandeeps unscheduled return from USA and chemotherapy was under progress, she joined us. To be more specific she joined us on the day, the famous World Trade Tower was attacked. Out of a few candidates, Sandeep selected her as a fresher, being a simple Bengali girl, still to graduate. She used to sit at the reception, her company limited to visitors. Our contact was only when we would go to conference room for lunch. Sometimes we used to accept good afternoon from her. Our business got slowed down in September after attack on the World Trade Tower. No work load was there on even her. Myself and Sandeep felt and discussed about it and ultimately decided to bring her near to our office to get her acquainted with all and to train her in Human resource or accounts.. We appreciated her coming to this lonely sector, single female among all staff, junior most by age. All this we did just to make her homely and to sustain her. We felt that she joined here under some terrific family situation and therefore we tried to become friendly to give her moral support. I personally informed her about the changes to be made in her seating arrangement. She was not that supportive apprehending to sit so close to management. I assured her to reconsider the situation if she could not bear with. But that situation never came again. So now we must see her at the time of entering to office. She would stand at our entry as a respect perhaps. Atfter sometime I had asked her to bid good morning to us at the first sight and perhaps for good night too, when we leave for home. She was hesitant and not that comfortable perhaps. An interesting episode: one day I sneezed and sneezed very loudly as usual. Sandeep spontaneously remarked, please don’t do that so loudly, WO DAR JAYEGI, sitting just across the wall. She was that SHE, who spontaneously inspired me to be caring to her and later on inspired me to take up writing on self. Well, as per my habit, I narrated this to all family members that a boss should be so careful for his staff, particularly to young and female staff as Sandeep is. This was just a beginning. Thereafter whenever I sneezed, some one, may be Sameep, Divyansh, Champoo, Dinu or at times even Sandeep used to repeat the same. And unknowingly she entered into our family from at a distance. We use to celebrate staff birthday in factory. I don’t remember exactly but on one such occasion I asked her to bring something home prepared and she brought .One request she never complied with. I asked her to come in Sari some time, which she could never do. On her last birthday, cake cutting ceremony was arranged in factory. And intelligently she offered the first piece to me privileged of being senior. Well such small incidents were there to make her feel homely and close to us. Thus she became a friendly part of the whole team, homely to all staff, impressed others with her simplicity and humbleness. She is not dynamic, neither expert but learning her lessons gradually. We want her to learn as much as possible to stand upright in future. In between, Sandeep suggested some change in her seat and she was shifted to next room with all other staff for a month or so. This change was not appreciated by one and all who regularly visit us in office. Yes everyone was missing her presence there. I don’t want to comment on my feelings. So after one month we decided to bring her again there with Ajay too to train her in accounts. Meantime Sandeep received her resignation and one month off for her Bengal trip. He wanted me to talk with her on that. And on my request she informed her problems of transport, which was arranged as she wanted and of course leave had to be granted. She left for Calcutta on 25th May on one months leave. On my request she gave her contact number of Calcutta and Jalpaiguri. Though promised, she never phoned and I was also shy of that. But yes I did not appreciate at times for broken assurances. I was so disturbed on hearing washing away of railway tracks between Darjeeling and Jalpaiguri as she was to be around there on that day. I had to phone at her place to enquire about her wellness. She was not there but all were ok. Interestingly she informed after return that they were to go to Darjeeling that day but cancelled at the last moment. That’s all so far regarding her Bengal trip. She is again amongst us and yes I am delighted. The question asked by her and may be her family members or friends about my keenness to know her well being remains unanswered as yet. To go into it, she or anyone will have to know more about me and my nature. That’s why we - myself and Shobha wished to let our children understand us when they are matured enough not to misunderstand, by writing glimpses of past for them. But now she is being included in this program. To be frank, I value her friendship, to see her ever smiling, to be in touch but why so still remains to be answered. It will never be answered, it can only be felt and I hope to be understood in true and right perspective I am to conclude on this with hopes of coming to it again sometime later if some fresh development happens. Let it be as it is so far so. There were two queries: Why she was involved, because I want her to know me as I am. Why I wanted this, I have no idea, no reasoning, I could find that it was spontaneous. Let it be an experiment and experience of life. I try to invent myself and to find if something wrong has been committed by me. To me, nothing is wrong as I am very clear in my approach and thoughts. When she was informed about my decision to take up writing on self and with her consent she was to be included in this rare exercise, I could read some question mark on her face about why she had to be included though she agreed to. So, I wrote the following lines on a paper and handed over to her duly signed by me. MATRA BAHANA THA LIKHNEKA, MUJHETO APNA DARD TUMHARE DIL DAK PAHUNCHANA THA, JO ANYATHA NA KAH PATA MAIN, NA SUN PATI TUM, AISA SA BHAW JO TUMHE SAMJHANA THA. And after a few days, I requested her if she could write the same in a paper and return back with her signature on it, to be retained by me as a momento. I was delighted to have that from her without any second thought .It was a great consideration on her part. While going for vacation, she gave me her contact phone numbers .her e- mail identity and permission to talk or write mails and now with this message, she won over me. I developed a confidence over my honest and straight forward approach and could imagine about our everlasting friendship where there was no other consideration in between from both sides. I wrote a few little mails during her Calcutta stay though without response. And now she permitted me to store my write ups in her internet account, she assured to go through it and do necessary editing also if possible on her part. A great gesture on her part, a great achievement on my part and it may work out to be a source of information to the family in future. Leaving for Purulia day after, don’t know when will continue with write-ups again, but once started, finding interests in opening up myself to me and to you all. Many little things started coming up in minds, which I might have forgotten. It may not be meaningful to anyone, but I would come up on those sweat and sour past. So wait for the next. Just before leaving for Purulia, I asked Sandeep to arrange for internet facilities to her for all my write ups which she would receive and a copy would be sent to Sangeet also. This I made to make it more transperent. As she was working under Sandeep, I did not think it proper to include him in the exercise at this moment. I made it all a very comfortable get going to a great journey into my past to let her judge me and my life through it. A man can not be comfortable without his own approval. Faith in oneself is the best and safest course. Self confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings .It was a challenge too to be met with her full co operation. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience but where he stands at the time of challenges and controversies .I know, there be no laurels in life, only new challenges to face. And if my source of inspiration be with me, it is to be achieved for sure.