BLOSSOMING

Let me now deal about my feelings for her as that is the subject to deal with here. Soon I found that I got addicted to good morning with though forced smile from her. I used to miss that on Sundays when she was not to be there. And as usual I might tell the same to family members. I used to get reminder like TODAY IS SUNDAY, PLEASE SMILE OR TRY TO SMILE. Sunday is always tuff to pass on with no specific assignment in hand. Otherwise too I don’t have engagements in office, but with Sandeep and yes now she around, I feel comfortable. So my first feeling for her absence started on Sundays. Then one day she was off for half day, and I felt some loneliness. I told this to Shobha and as she knows my in and out truly, she didn’t need to discuss about it. After great deal of thinking, I very simply passed on this behavioral change in me to her with all my humbleness and with a request not to misunderstand me whatsoever. I don’t know about her reaction, but hope, though it might have shocked her, she should take it up sportingly and in right perception. It took a good amount of time to read myself so far my interest in her was concerned. Once I could know that I miss her on Sundays and I have an urge to see her very regularly I studied myself very deeply to ascertain my own desires and expectancy from her. A good morning with forced smiles and glance was like an oasis in routine and stagnant life. I wanted to be closer to her. She was at the foot step of her career and I was to be out of active career soon. She had joined our business a few months back and was junior most and only female member around. She was young, attractive, beautiful, simple and sensitive whereas I was seasoned, experienced and yes, caring person. With no active part in business, I had practically no opportunities to interact with her. And I found myself restless to let her know my admiration for her, once I very minutely evaluated my soft and deep feelings for her. My urge was to develop a long lasting friendly interaction with her. I wanted to know more about her. Even without knowing her well and just with so little interaction, I could not resist than to let her know my desire and willingness to develop a cordial and very friendly link with her .Friendly relation is the stitch work of life, if family is like rock and glue. Friendly relation is like extended family. Friends are our bank of trust. We can wrap up a lot of content with friends, even if we meet for little time. I am privileged to have enjoyed such friendship, but had no one like that around in Faridabad. I had never imagined having an urge to make a friend like that before I sensed my feelings for her. I had no other expectancy than to be like a friend. But it itself was very high to expect with so vast a difference in between. Once I passed on my true feelings to her in a sentence and read her shocking reaction, I wanted to have some space and time to explain it to her so that she won’t misunderstand me. That did not seem possible in office. I thought to invite her to be with me in car while returning home so as to have little time to interact with her on it. I was desperate to let her know all about One day I asked her to join me in car, which she politely and firmly refused and avoided .I could not manage to discuss with her all about how I considered her to be so close without any prejudice or expectations nor I could know her reaction or how she took my attachment with her. It’s certain that she could understand my admiration for her, but that might have confused her. This feeling of admiration and love could be great if taken in right perception, but could be very detrimental if taken otherwise .But I had no opportunity to clarify it or to know her mind state. I knew myself very distinctly and as I did not have any wrong intention, I was on cloud 9 and could be on top of world if she could accept it rightly. True friends are Gods angels and she came into my life like that angel .To me, she appeared like messenger from God of timely and constant love .Closeness invites friends to act as personal prophets in our life. And I wanted to develop that closeness .She could understand it through my body language in whatever little contact we had in office. But that made her more disciplined and reserved towards me, as she confessed later. She joined us in September and it was around May that all this blossoming happened in my life. This process of blossoming resulted towards some kind of intimacy in between. Intimacy means exposing before some stranger. Everybody wants intimacy but at the same time is afraid of intimacy. Without intimacy, we are alone: no one to share with and no one to trust up on. But no body wants to be exposed totally, at the same time. Any way, my journey of self exposure took off in this uncertain circumstances.